Yesterday was a big day in our house. Well, bigger for some people than others. HB, my darling 4-year old, has been waiting to start preschool for WEEKS and WEEKS. Every day since June we have had the same discussion.
HB: Mom, do I go to school today?
Me: Not today sweetheart.
HB: Tomorrow?
Me: No. Not for a few days.
HB: The day after tomorrow? What about the day after that?
And so the conversation goes until I turn the radio up really loud.
But finally the day arrived. And she was giddy. We had a small moment when we went to put on her official ABC preschool shirt that she was supposed to wear on the first day. It is gray. HB held up the shirt with that "look" and said, "I can't wear that. It is a boy shirt."
"No HB, this is the shirt for ALL the kids. Everyone will be wearing their shirt today."
"Doesn't the teacher know that girls like pink shirts?"
We compromised with polka dot leggings and HUGE red polka dot bows in her braids. She looked adorable. I took her outside and to try and take a picture. Our camera is still dead (do electronics ever get resurrected? I could use a miracle...) so I borrowed the camera my son's 8-year old friend accidentally left here. Beggars can't be choosers. After I snapped her darling face, she said, "OK Mom. Now it's your turn."
"Why am I getting my picture taken today?" I replied.
"Because it is your first day with no kids!" Ah, right. Not that I had forgotten but I didn't realize that SHE realized that.
We went to get into the car. She was giggling. Random, unchecked, deep giggles. It made me smile. I asked her why she was giggling and she said that sometimes when you are really happy, it makes you giggle. She then elaborated that sometimes being happy can also make you cry. Astute observation.
And so she was gone. Not a single look back. And you know what? I feel good. It has taken me a little while to come to this point, to accept that my life as a mother is changing a little bit. For so long, I've had little children at home...and I have loved it. I have loved my sweet days with my babies. It has been hard and so challenging at times but I have grown and learned so much. And now it is time for the next phase. I really thought we would have 1 or 2 more children after HB...it is what we have longed for but the realization is slowly taking hold that it may not be in the cards for our family. And it is going to be just fine.
Watching HB go made me happy because it made her so happy. She loves school. She loves learning and playing and making friends and doing projects and going places. And she is in an excellent school with wonderful teachers. How could I not want that for her?
And then last night, she attended her first official dance class. I stood in the doorway of that dance studio and looked at all those little girls with their pink leotards and pink tutu skirts and darling legs in pink tights and thought I was going to pass out. That much cuteness standing in one place can make a person light-headed. It was DARLING and adorable and if my camera weren't lying in the camera graveyard, I would have captured the whole thing. She loves to dance and sing. I'm glad she loves those things. I hope that never changes.
And so here I am. I have a 3rd grader, a 1st grader, and a ballerina preschooler. I have 7.5 hours to myself every week and I'm starting to wonder what I'm going to do when I grow up. Maybe I'll discover a new hobby or learn a new sport or write a novel. Maybe I'll read more books and eat more cupcakes and take a nap. Maybe I'll volunteer at my kid's schools and beg that they will let me stay on this amazing ride as long as possible.
Yeah, I'll stay with them. It's where I'm the happiest.
