The Last Trek Entry

Well dear readers...this is the end of the marathon. The final mile. I promise next post will be about something different...maybe the creepy carnival or the potato bugs living in our basement or the wasps that have staked claim on our swing set or how I didn't lose enough weight to win $620.00 this summer. Sigh. I'm back to plotting on how to win Deal or No Deal.

So the final day of trek. Despite what it may seem, trek was only 3 days. So even though these blog entries make it sound like we were out there for a season, it really was pretty quick. We woke up, did some mental prep before using the poop laden port a potty, and ate a quick breakfast. Then we broke camp and packed everything up. It was a sad moment. I didn't want to go home and have to face laundry and house cleaning and the telephone and deadlines and projects. I just wanted to stay on the prairie.

Once we were packed up, we headed over for our last devotional. Today's theme was "consecration". I was chasing restless children through most of the meeting but at one point I looked over and saw J. standing up front with a group of people who were doing different speaking parts. J. calmly walked up to the microphone when it was his turn and delivered his little part that I didn't know he had. I asked him afterwards what had happened and he said one of the boys that was supposed to do a part got sick so they asked if he would like to fill in. He took the piece of paper they handed him, memorized his part while standing up front and delivered the whole thing from memory. He said it like it was no big deal and I just stood there and wondered for the millionth time in my life where this amazing child came from! At moments like that I like to say he gets it from his mother but I'm not fooling anyone!

Toward the end of the devotional, they had a gentleman from our ward stand and sing the song written by President Hinckley "Oh Death, Where Is Thy Sting?". As he sung the song, several different members of our ward (couples, fathers, mothers, children) stood and walked away from the group. We watched them slowly walk over the hill and disappear from sight. After the musical number, we were told that these individuals represented the members of our handcart company that did not survive the trip. They had us leave to start the trek out and as we rounded the first bend on the trail, these individuals were lined up on either side of the trail standing silently and watching us pass. They had one of the young women playing a hymn on the flute...it was truly a humbling, sweet moment. These people were my friends and neighbors. How tragic the circumstances were to have had to say good bye to so many on those trails to Zion. I think all of us were also thinking of the friends we have had to say good bye to in the last few months. The heartache, the fear, the hopelessness...and yet we have watched the women and children in both of these families pick up and keep moving. I felt such gratitude for the examples of Ryan and Katie and Erik and Emily. They exemplify and emulate all that is good and hopeful in their continued journeys.

As we continued along the trail, we came to a point where we met up with a group of youth and their leaders who were also trekking. They lined up along the trail as we passed and gave us a rousing "Hurrah for Israel". It was inspiring and motivating!

There had been rumor that the trek out would be shorter than the trek in but as time passed, we quickly realized this was not to be the case. We were headed back by another route and it was definitely longer than the one in. Everyone was tired after 3 days out on the prairie. I noticed my kids had slowed down...the handcarts seemed to moving pretty fast but my poor M. just couldn't keep up. He didn't ask to ride but several times we fell pretty far behind our handcart so that he could keep up. I actually didn't mind at all. I loved walking with M. and having that time alone with him. After started our walking again following one of our breaks, M. and I fell into step with some friends and their kids who were also needing to take it slow. I think it was my favorite part of trekking that day. I got to walk with one of my favorite adult people and some of my very favorite little people. We sang, we played super heroes, we jumped the "cow poop", we watched the cows play...it was wonderful! I can't tell you how inspired and motivated I am by the beautiful children around me. I consider it a great privilege to associate with and be a part of their lives. And I admire and adore the grown-up people around me. We have been truly blessed in our associations in this ward and neighborhood. I am constantly in awe of their lives and families and influence on others. Trekking across the poopy cow pasture was no exception!

As we were nearing what we finally thought was the end, Sister Rich stopped each handcart company and gave each family an envelope with the "conclusion" to the story of the pioneers we were trekking for. We had had the privilege of reading about our pioneer family before we went on trek so we already knew their story but it was a wonderful conclusion to the experience. I took H. out of the handcart because I wanted her to "walk" the rest of the way to Zion. We really did think the parking lot was right around the corner...or the next corner...or the next corner. Twenty minutes later I picked her up and started to carry her. She promptly fell asleep on my shoulder. Poor M. was dragging. He had walked the whole way and had just about had it. Again, to my rescue came more favorite people. They rearranged their children so that Bro. Larson was carrying H. and I could put M. on my back. And thus we arrived in Zion.

I won't kid you though...I didn't really feel like we arrived in Zion until we walked out of Wendy's with our big king size Frosties purchased as soon as possible on the way home. THAT is Zion.

And thus ended one of the great experiences of my life. It has been a highlight this summer, an experience that has touched me for good. I am so grateful to have had that adventure with my family...it is one we will draw on collectively for many years to come and has provided many discussions and opportunities for teaching with our kids. I love that we got to share it together.

"We cannot begin to understand the journeys made by those who laid the foundation of this dispensation until we understand their spiritual underpinnings. Once we make that connection, however, we will begin to see how their journeys parallel ours now. There are lessons for us in every footstep they took--lessons of love, courage, commitment, devotion, endurance, and, most of all, faith. Those 19th century pioneers to whom we pay special tribute never set out to be heroes, and yet they accomplished heroic things. That is what makes them Saints. They were a band of believers who tried to do the right things for the right reasons, ordinary men and women who were called on to perform an extraordinary work. At times, they gave in to their discouragement and allowed themselves to murmur and complain. But ultimately their faith in God and the man they sustained as their prophet and leader prevailed, and they righted their vision and attitudes along with their wagons. In the process they found joy amid the hardships and trials of the trek.

No matter how difficult the trail, and regardless of how heavy our load, we can take comfort in knowing that others before us have borne life's most grievous trials and trgedies by looking to heaven for peace, comfort, and hopeful reassurance. We can know, as they knew, that God is our Father, that He cares about us individually and collectively, and that as long as we continue to exercise faith and trust in Him there is nothing to fear in the journey." (Russell M. Ballard)

Hurrah for Israel!

More Trek

I need to finish telling this story. It was such a great experience and I want to make sure I get it written but time is flying this summer and I have to be sure to tell the story of my 3 innocent kids at the carnival before too long.

Today C. and I went to see the Joseph Smith movie showing at the JS Building. We hadn't seen it before and I have to honestly tell you, it was one of the most powerful movies I have ever seen. Both of us sat and wept through most of it. I laughed when we walked in and there were boxes of Kleenex sitting on the counter but by the end I was emptying the box and sniffling the whole way out. It was amazing! I've been thinking about the movie all day and the line at the very end that says, "Shall we not go forth in so great a cause?" Yes. We shall.

Day Two of trek was wonderful. I have to admit there were 2 parts of trek I did not care for. The first were the Port-a-potties. There were 12 green portable potties sitting on a flat bed truck that were our means of relieving ourselves. Quite frankly, I would have much preferred a hole in the sage brush. The first day it just wasn't that bad but you would not believe the amount of poop in those things by the 3rd day. I'm dry heaving just thinking about it. And the little car air freshener things hanging on the door handles mixed with the stench of raw sewage was enough to send me sobbing into the wild prairie. It was harsh.

The other thing that was a little challenging was sleeping. It was FREEZING at night and I don't think we had adequate stuff. I was so cold both nights and I didn't bring my pillow arrangement so it was a little miserable. (I am a TOTAL pillow snob and will seriously pack my pillows before underwear or a toothbrush. Just pray you are never in a long-term situation with me where I have to choose!) So nights were a little long...but still. Back to the good stuff.

On day 2 we awoke, had a little crunchy oatmeal for breakfast and headed to devotional. Our theme that day was "Follow the Prophet"...which was so appropriate because it was the the actual day of Joseph Smith's martyrdom at Carthage. We finished the devotional and packed up our handcarts to trek to a little lake for baptisms. There were 4 children in our ward that actually got baptized...how utterly fantastically cool is that?! We trekked about 2 miles and arrived at this beautiful place to enjoy the baptisms. The meeting was great. I started to think about how much experiences such as this must have meant to the pioneers. To be able to participate in the ordinances of the church must have brought such joy and peace on a journey filled with so much sacrifice. These ordinances were the very thing they were giving their lives for! I can't think of any other events in life that are more simple and beautiful, more filled with the Spirit and power of God than the ordinances of the gospel. Whether it is a baptism, serving in the temple, partaking of the sacrament...they are events filled with light and joy. Simple and breathtaking.







After the baptisms we headed back to camp. It had been a hard pull out and back from the baptisms and a long time since we had eaten breakfast. Right before we pulled back into camp, we stopped and heard a story from one of our ward "pioneer" boys. He talked about some of the tough things he faced as a pioneer boy...especially the hunger. After he finished his story, Sister Rich told us that our company leaders had prepared lunch for us and we should head back in to camp to eat. We grabbed our cups and spoons and headed over to the mess area where we found our leaders waiting with a bag of flour and a measuring cup. Adults received 1/2 c. and children received 1/4 c. They described the severity of the situation when handcart companies ran out of food on the trip and how they would have to start rationing. It was very humbling to look at that little amount of flour and realize that for many, this was their one and only meal of the day. We were told that we would not receive any lunch until our cup of flour was consummed. We could do it however we wanted but we had to do it. I mixed mine with a little bit of water and made a paste...then I tried to tell myself it was delicious cookie dough and swallowed most of it. The kids were really good sports. J. thought it was pretty nasty but most of the other kids had to have their cups removed because after playing with it like play dough, I think they started throwing it around. Leave it to my kids to find the silver lining! Judging from J's pants, I think he wore more of it than he actually ate!






After lunch we packed up our handcarts and trekked just a little ways out in to this big field at the base of a pretty big hill. We met together for another short devotional. This one was dedicated to all the children who were orphaned along the trail and required to walk alone to Zion. I have to admit this was not a part of the handcart experience I had stopped and thought about before. We talk so much about the children who lost their lives but not about the ones who lost their parents and had to take responsibility for younger siblings and continue walking. It was truly humbling to consider these children who had the fortitude and strength to pick up where their parent's journey had ended and continue the journey. I kept thinking about the testimonies of these youth and the strong possibility that despite what they were asked to sacrifice and give to the Lord, I bet that many of them not only made it to Zion but were stalwart and strong members for the rest of their lives. They were asked to sacrifice for the Lord and whether or not they consciously understood the depth of the sacrifice at the time, it must have left a deep and lasting impressions on their souls...and I'm certain the Lord wept with them as they buried parents, picked up younger siblings, and kept moving forward. I'm certain their reward on earth as well as heaven has been significant.

After our devotional, they split everyone up into 3 groups. The primary children stayed in one group with the primary leaders, the youth went to another part of the field to meet with their leaders, and the adults were asked to hike a narrow trail to the top of the hill. Now this was not a hike for sissies! This was a very steep trail and it took us a nice chunk of time for all of us to make it to the top...especially those that had small children or infants. Once we made it to the top, the bishop held a special meeting with all the adults. He asked us the question, "If you were to die right now, what legacy would you leave to your children?" We had an open discussion about what things were most important to us and what things we genuinely hoped we were teaching our children. It was sobering to recognize the 2 young fathers we have lost very suddenly in the last few months and to realize it could be any of us. Have we truly lived our lives in a way that our children would know without a doubt what we believed in and what we stood for? How would they remember us? As we concluded the discussion, the bishop announced that the next portion of our experience was something they were calling the "children's pull". He explained that our youth were preparing to pull each and every handcart up the hill to the top where we were standing. He asked us to respectfully and reverently line the top half of the trail to witness this event. He pleaded with us to not intervene but to allow our children this opportunity to demonstrate their strength and courage. I think most of the adults were silently weeping. I can't tell you the experience I had as I turned and looked down that steep slope. I saw the children and youth pulling the handcarts into a line, flags flying, and little bodies standing ready at the carts. We heard the cry to start pulling and up they started coming. I just stood and wept. I watched these youth and primary children pulling these huge, heavy handcarts up this hill and I marvelled. The young men and women were shouting encouragement to the primary children and every child and youth was either pushing or pulling. The little ones were walking in the dust behind the carts but they were doing it...on their own. No one was being carried but every one was being encouraged. As they reached the top of the hill, the young men and women would tear down the hill to the next handcart and help pull. They continued to do this until every handcart was at the top of the hill.

Our 3 children were towards the end. J. and M. were both on the front of a handcart pulling. Both had huge smiles on their faces and were so proud as they passed C. and I. I couldn't say anything. For just a moment, I felt as if I was looking at my children as they really are. Not their physical exteriors, but their spirits. I saw their strength and optimism, I saw their determination and enthusiasm for the task and I saw 2 children who were not daunted. They were told to pull the handcart to the top of the hill and they were doing it. I know they were confident because they weren't doing it alone...they had other youth to help them. I crouched down as they passed and truly felt humbled. H. was walking the trail behind the cart. Right as she approached where we were standing, she tripped and fell flat on her face in the dust. I sobbed as I watched my friend reach out to pick her up and truly felt astonished when H. pushed her hand away and with tears streaming down her face, whether in frustration or discouragement, shouted, "I can do it! I can do it!" and stood up and continued walking. I will never hear those words from her again without thinking of that moment. "Yes!" I kept thinking, "You can do it Hannah." I will never be frustrated by that statement again. She can do it. Every one of my children can do it. And they will need all that strength and determination and stubborness to succeed. But they will do it. And I applaud the magnificence of their spirits and the gifts the Lord has given them. They will face many uphill climbs in their lives, especially in these Latter Days. And they will be asked to do difficult things and face enormous challenges and wage spiritual battles that are big. But they will do it. They will have each other, they will have the strength of other Saints, and they will have the strength of the Lord. I went on trek for that moment with my children. It has changed how I see them, it has changed how I treat them, and it has changed the seriousness with which I conduct my life and my dealings with them. It was a precious moment.






At the top of the hill, I grabbed H. and she clung to my neck and we both cried in the sagebrush for a few minutes. The boys had huge grins on their faces and couldn't wait to share their version of the experience. It was a priceless time on top of that enormous hill overlooking the beautiful prairie. I'm so grateful for the immense gift of that experience.

After heading back to camp, we took a few hours to relax. The kids played, the adults mingled and there was some serious square dancing! I have to say no one can square dance like Mindee Hansen! And somehow square dancing became lots more interesting since those painful high school days!

That evening, we enjoyed another delicious dinner and then had an amazing fireside about the prophet Joseph Smith that culminated in our ward singing a beautiful song all together. For weeks before trek, our ward music expert had been going around to all the different auxillaries teaching us different parts to this song. We hadn't heard any of the other parts so hearing it put together at the devotional was really touching. One of the sweetest parts was watching Andrew Rich, one of the youth in our ward who was singing the solo parts in the song. He has a beautiful voice and as he listened to this song being sung by the ward, he broke down in tears. It wasn't just the tears, but the emotion on his face. You could feel the Spirit so strongly and I doubt he will ever forget that experience bearing his testimony about the prophet Joseph through the words of that song. It was a sweet meeting.

Day 2 was filled with memorable and incredible experiences. One thing that impressed me was watching all the children and youth. We had no TV's, no iPods, cell phones, video games, or other "modern" day entertainment and it was amazing to watch them. They played games, hiked hills, built things, and had an amazing time. I loved being with all these people without any of the distractions of our "modern" lives. I felt closer to my family, closer to my friends, and closer to the Lord. One of the great benefits of working and playing together! I loved this experience...every minute of it!

Children's Pull

Children's Pull

I don't know who took this picture but it occurred during the "children's pull" on trek. I was absolutely overwhelmed as I watched my children push and pull those handcarts up that steep hill all by themselves. I watched them and wept. I cried because they were working so hard and I couldn't help, I cried because they didn't ask for help and wanted to prove they could do it, I cried because I suddenly saw how incredibly tough and determined and strong my children are. I have not looked at them the same since that day. I applaud their stubborness and determination and I feel complete confidence in their ability to move forth in strength and stand as faithful witnesses of the Lord in the coming days. It was a special moment!

Shameless Solicitation

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Trek...Part 2

The irony of pioneer children riding in a minivan in order to push a handcart to "Zion". It just all seemed a little ironic!

It has been a crazy couple of weeks! A HUGE Carr family reunion that lasted a week. C.'s annual company conference, a textbook ordering project for J & M's school, article deadlines for the magazine, swim lessons every day, and the usual daily craziness. Sigh. When does all of this become summer "vacation"?

So here I am. And I have desperately wanted to finish recording our experience on trek. I will see what I can get done.

After all the prepartion, it was finally time to actually get out there and "trek". We were so excited to pack things up and drive to our rendevous spot at Deseret Land and Livestock. We arrived, parked the car, and started loading our bucket belongings into the handcart. We were sharing the handcart with 2 other families so it was interesting trying to get everything loaded, balanced, and attached! The handcarts were much smaller than I had imagined but with the sheer enthusiasm blowing around the place, I had no doubt we could get that thing pushed and pulled to where it needed to go.

It was breathtaking to stand out on this ranch. I am a fanatic about wild, open land. While I love the rugged, beautiful mountains, I find the prairie absolutely mesmerizing. I can't explain the feeling I get when I can stand and view the world as far as my eyes can see with any obstructions. I have always found driving across Nebraska and Wyoming to be exhilirating...it must be my deeply ingrained Midwest upbringing. I just stood in the parking lot of our trek site and tried to take it all in. It was beautiful.

Getting ready to go! The boys couldn't WAIT to start pulling and I loved seeing my little family out there on the plains.

Our whole family...ready to trek.

Although this was just a ward trek, I was touched at the many sacrifices people made to participate. Our friend's son had a sprained ankle, several women were pregnant, many families had small infants or children, a couple of children were recovering from illness, and one child was handicapped...I immediately felt such graditude for the sacrifices individuals and families made in order to participate. It was truly inspirational!

After packing the handcarts, we met for our first "devotional". Each day of trek had a special theme. The first day was "positive attitude". We sang our theme song "Come Take Your Place" and then had a couple of speakers. I have to admit that while the speeches were very well prepared and given, I was SO anxious to get going. Enough talk...more walk! Finally it was time to go. We got ourselves organized and set out over the first hill. What an amazing sight to watch each handcart pull out and head up the trail! It really brought tears to my eyes to watch these friends and neighbors start walking the dusty trail through the sage brush with the flags flying, the children running, families pushing and pulling, and the adrenaline of a new adventure rising in our hearts. I wanted to cheer!

We trekked about 4.6 miles that first day. We stopped frequently for little breaks but it truly was just us and the sagebrush out there! It was amazing...these rolling, green hills without any signs of "modern" civilization...not a telephone pole or road to be seen. We saw lots of leaping antelope and small critters which thrilled the kids. We sang, talked, told stories and jokes, passed around Swedish fish and other treats, and walked. H. rode in the handcart but the boys walked the entire way without a word of complaint. They walked behind the handcart and helped push for a majority of the day. I felt such pride in their determination and dedication. They really helped keep me motivated and truly enjoyed the experience along the way.

About a mile from base camp, we stopped and had a major break as well as another "mini" devotional. Numerous members of the ward had been assigned little "vignettes" that they shared at various points along the way. These were real life stories, experiences and testimonies from handcart pioneers that had crossed these plains and mountains. It was inspirational to hear these individuals share the various stories and feel the Spirit of the orignial pioneers. Two little girls shared an experience about crossing a field filled with rattlesnakes. They were terrified of the snakes but prayed that Heavenly Father would help them not be scared and be safe as they travelled. It described how these girls proceeded to "jump the snakes" and arrived safely with their handcart company. The children were told that as we trekked through the next field, they were to watch for "snakes" and see how many they could jump. For the next portion of the trail, there were wooden snakes hiding all over in the grass and the kids loved tromping, running and jumping through the grass to try and find the snakes! The women on our handcart also decided we wanted to try our hand at pulling instead of pushing and so for the last mile into base camp, we pulled the handcart! It was really hard! Much harder than it looked. It was really exhausting but I was determined not to quit and to make it through the next leg of the journey. But I started to understand why the pioneers left major items along the trail. Suddenly when you are pulling that handcart over miles of prairie with no trail, there isn't much that seems more valuable than a light cart!

A pregnant woman, a marathon runner, a chubby pioneer and 2 darling boys pulling the handcart into base camp.

We finally arrived at base camp! There were many thoughts that crossed my mind that first day as we pulled those handcarts...I think the prominent thought was how this experience was the great equalizer and really revealed a person's true character. As we were each pushing and pulling handcarts, carrying tired infants and toddlers, and just trying to stay inspired to keep going even when we were tired and hungry, I started to think about what character traits were really most important in life. It didn't matter how charasmatic or well-dressed you were in "real" life...no one cared how big or small your house was...the things that were left behind or what your "position" was at work wasn't going to push that handcart. All that mattered was your dedication, determination, and sheer will-power in reaching that singular goal. I think in life we spend lots of time stressing about and worrying over details that really don't matter. We lose sight of our priorities and purpose and start listening to the wrong voices telling us how to feel about ourselves and tainting our perspective on the world around us. The minute those pioneers set their faces and hearts to Zion, it was only their testimonies, their commitment to the Lord, their determination and sacrifice and their love for each other that was going to get them through the trials and heartache and deliver them safely to Zion. No one was travelling with their riches and material possessions...so many quickly abandoned those "material" goods by the side of the trail. I imagine their wasn't much boasting or bragging about their lives "before" since that wasn't going to feed their families or pull their handcarts. I suddenly felt a little silly and shallow. I suddenly realized that I wasn't focusing enough time or energy on the things that really mattered in my life and somewhere on that 4.6 mile journey I vowed to myself and the Lord that I would change that. I wanted to be more committed...not to temporal things but to spiritual things. I wanted to consume less of the world's material goods and consume more things of a spiritual nature. I wanted to focus less time and energy thinking about myself and start focusing outward...I wanted to develop the type of character that without thinking, I could leave everything behind and pull my family to Zion. In these latter days, that is the real challenge. We aren't on a physical journey the way these handcart pioneers were, but we are on a very real and hazardous journey to bring ourselves and our families back to the Lord. And it takes a vastly different set of character traits and personal development to do that than to succeed in any other "worldly" way. I really started to look at myself in a whole new way and while I was disappointed in some of what I saw, I also rediscovered part of my potential and rejoiced in the faith and confidence the Lord has in me. It was hard, but I did push that handcart into base camp...I am capable of so much more than I realize. I knew my first lesson was unfolding before me...

Once we reached base camp, each family started setting up their tents and getting settled in. We ate dinner (delicious!), hiked the hill beside camp, and had another devotional. I am amazed at the time and preparation that had gone in to each of these devotionals. All 3 days were filled with musical numbers, stories, testimonies, talks, and all manner of uplifting stuff! So many people were involved in preparing and presenting of these devotionals. We had an entire "musical band" of youth that provided all the music with their banjos, guitars, flutes, violins, drums, and harmonicas! It was amazing!

At that first devotional, each company presented their company "song", chant, and skit. We were the black pirate pioneers...I think the primary children in our company had something to do with that. The boys got to be "sea animals" in our company skit. Brother Griffiths dressed up and told some great stories from the real accounts of a wilderness pioneer but I was chasing after the kids during most of it so I really only got to appreciate his fabulous costume! The program was followed by each company gathered around their own bonfire eating s'mores. Perfect ending to an amazing day!

Gathered for evening devotional...I loved the multi function of our buckets. They were our suitcases and chairs for the entire trek. It felt so compact and efficient!
The pirate pioneers!
The kids swimming around as "sea life" during our skit.
Brother Griffiths doing what he does best...
Ah...family and s'mores around a bonfire!

Thus ended our first day. We were exhausted but really excited and happy. The kids did fantastic. We didn't have a single melt-down or tantrum or moment of unpleasantness. They were loving every minute and C. and I felt so enriched by all we had learned and experienced that day. We were ready for some sleep but eagerly looking forward to tomorrow's adventures!

For more pictures, music, and experiences from our trek, visit Orchard Hills Ward Trek

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