This week I ended what I had termed "the year of the hair" and finally went and cut it off. I had lasted six months without a major cut until I woke up and discovered that not only do I hate having long hair but it really didn't do anything for my physical appearance. I decided to go to a new salon since I had made my regular hair-cutting person sign a solemn oath at the beginning of the year that no matter how much I begged and pleaded and reasoned with her, she wouldn't cut my hair. Off to the beauty salon...I was intoxicated by the sophistication of the place, the serenity of not having a single kid with me and the aroma of expensive shampoos. I decided to really go for the gold and do something crazy...I'd get my eyebrows waxed.
The lady led me through the salon and down a mysterious hallway, in through the secret glass doors, and into a room with a table contraption. I carefully scaled the table and laid down. She clucked, clucked, clucked in horror and dismay as she tried to tame my mangled brows down enough to get the wax on. While applying the wax, she casually asked, "So, are we going to do this upper lip today sweetie?" What? My upper lip? What was there? I was horrified. I replied, "Uh, yeah." And as she was sweet talking and putting that hot, hot stuff where no hot stuff had ever been she threw in, "Here, I'll just grab this chin hair while we're at it" and kept on waxing. I lay on the table and tried to take in what had just happened. This was just moments before she ripped off all the hair and skin on my face. I stumbled out of the room feeling naked and terribly violated. (I felt like that sheep on the bonus feature "Boundin'" from The Incredibles DVD) I looked in the mirror at the receptionist's desk and found 3 enormous red swollen patches on my face. It was hairless but it wasn't pretty.
Now, I need to ask in an honest, non-face to face kind of manner...was the hair so appalling? Were people being distracted by lip hair careening in the wind? Or chin hairs hanging from the bottom of my face? Who can I count on to bring these things to my attention? I have spent the last few days trying to figure if the red, swollen bumps now were better than the blond hairs before?
I've decided to go back to my regular hair cutting person and renegotiate the terms of the contract. Apparently the "year of the hair" was more than I had expected.
4 comments:
YIPES oh my.
I don't know when "hair" or the lack there of, became so important. I too have been ambushed by the eyebrow/lip wizard.
I am reminded by Mel Gibson's remark in "What Women Want" when he is trying on womens products. He think while he is putting on the warm wax, how nice it feels and "Whey do women compain about this" Until he RIPS it off...then he says.. "WHY WOULD ANYONE EVER DO THE OTHER LEG???"
My thoughts exactly.
I am sorry about your foray into modern torture. You have my sympathies.
Honestly, I never noticed any errant hair on your lip and chin. I would have said something. Now your back...that's a different story!
If you felt violated by a little upper-lip waxing... I wouldn't ever get a bikini wax (not that I have... I've just heard...)
I used to get my eyebrows waxed regularly at the same place in Orem. Then one day after the procedure the lady handed me the mirror and said, "How's that?" ...as if there was anything she could do to fix it at that point! She had left me with only a pencil-line-thin row of eyebrows and I tried to not look mortified. I walked out of there with a deer-in-the-headlights, glazed over look on my face... and very little left of my eyebrows.
Stephen...thank you for the empathy! Welcome!
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