Our computer lives in the basement. While it is a completely finished, delightful basement, the room where the computer lives in as far away from my regular life as it could possibly be. I have to go down the stairs, take a right, go through my workroom, around the corner into the playroom, through the playroom, over the hard wood floor basement entrance/exit and into the "computer room". While this is not necessarily "physically" taxing, it is certainly a mental strain. I think about a dozen things every day that I would love to blog about but by the time I put the kids to bed and have a moment to descend the stairs, it seems way too difficult. So weeks and weeks go by and all those things are left unsaid. What makes it even more tragic is that I don't keep a journal so all those thoughts are lost to time and my serious short term memory loss. I don't know if that is considered a tragedy to most of the human population but it seems like a personal tragedy to me.
So here I am. It is late and I am tired and all those things I wanted to blog about today are gone.
I know I was feeling passionate about abortion at some point today and angry that more women don't understand that our bodies are a gift from a loving Heavenly Father and not toys for us to do what we please. I was angry that some women don't understand that our freedom to choose comes BEFORE we have sex, not after, and that a part of being sexually active is that no matter how "protected" you think you are, if you choose to have sex you understand that becoming pregnant could be part of that reality.
Then I pondered why so many of us are afraid to take a stand on things. I was thinking about this "Big Love" protest campaign that has been circulating the web and how interesting it was when I chose to forward the email. The reaction from the people I sent it too was fascinating. I would say 1/3 of the people passionately responded, 1/3 of the people passionately responded back to ME to tell me all the things that were wrong with responding, and 1/3 of the people simply deleted it and didn't give it a second thought. While I certainly respect each person's reaction (since I have fallen into every one of those categories at one time or another), I have been thinking that I need to be more vocal about the things I agree or disagree with in my community and world and not just sit back and be complacent. Too often we feel that our one little point of view won't amount to anything but we forget that all those little viewpoints can amount to something big and wonderful. I need to make myself heard more.
I also thought about the book I am supposed to be finished reading by book group Thursday night and how it has over 600 pages and I haven't opened it yet.
I also thought today about what to have for dinner tonight. What a stressful decision. Not only do I get to decide, but then I have to do something about it. I tried to BBQ delicious steaks but my paranoia about feeding my family raw meat and all ending up in a family room at the local hospital led to me way, way, way overcooking the meat. At one point during dinner I saw Jacob banging his meat on the table and giving it a funny look every time it gave a big "thud".
I thought about my darling primary of 180 children and what I was going to do for sharing time this month, the phone calls I need to make, the bills I need to pay, and why my poor daughter kept sneezing all day. It has been a big day for my poor head and I should be in bed.
Wouldn't you love a recording that you could take out of your head each night and file away? What thoughts went through my head on this exact day last year? What was I worried about? What was I excited about? What was going through my head 10 years ago on this day? I guess these questions could all be easily answered by writing in a journal but then that would involve FINDING a journal, locating a pen that works, and not falling asleep in the big blue chair while making my entry...and if I can't make it downstairs to the computer room, then I don't know how I would manage the other. Sigh.
6 comments:
Wouldn't it be wonderful if Dumbledore's "pensieve" was available to the muggle world? I've often thought of how much more sleep I would get if I didn't have to "think" (and re-think) so much, as well as trying to decipher other people's moods and intentions! Not to mention what a wonderful journaling tool it would be...a visual documentary of our thoughts at your disposal!
You would think we lived further than any computer room mapping by how much we see each other...I don't need a pensieve to know that we need to fix this!! See you Thursday!!
What a joy to click on your blog and find a new one! I had about given up. I know it is a long trip to the computer room, but it was worth it--we now know what is going on in your mind. Just throw us a scrap now and then. Good luck with Ahab's wife...it really is worth the read sometime...maybe when the children are grown!
1. I loved Ahab's Wife. If you need to cheat, call me.
2. I do have the luxury of going back through my thoughts bc I am one of the most avid journal writers I know. Reading old entries sucks me in like a good book. My next ambitious project is to type all 9 volumes and add pictures, etc. (A CD would be much easier to transport in an emergency.)
3. Thank you for your support tonight.
4. I e-mailed HBO in all 3 of our names (and 3 different e-mail addresses) and considered it an FHE activity.
5. People who act irresponsibly with their baby-makin' bodies are STUPID.
6. Welcome back, blogger!
how about moving th computer to your room? we like being updated and i love your writting style... it always sucks me in.
sigh, it's you again and I love you.
I am so glad you made it all the way to the computer room! I've missed you, too. And Ahab's Wife is my favorite book. You don't want to rush it... maybe save it for a nice, relaxing vacation. You've got one of those coming up, right? :)
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