WARNING: The actual event that occurred in this post is not really that big of a deal...really. The whole point is how out of proportion I blew it and if I told you what really happened a couple of things would happen. First, I'd embarass one of my children to death and second, you'd think I was crazier than you already know I am. So by not spilling the "details" of the event, I'm not really hiding a big, ole' juicy event...I'm just trying to protect the innocent...and the innocent's mother's sanity.
I really think in 8 years of parenting that the last 24 hours have been my most frustrating. Really. Or have I said that before? If I have, then this is REALLY it. And it is quite possible that it is because I over-reacted to a situation...or didn't handle it exactly right...or something. I partially blame myself. And then I blame a couple of other people that I KNOW messed up. I've been through a variety of emotions today. Let me review some of them for your reading pleasure...
8:00 a.m.: Called my dad crying and wailing. By the time I talked to my mom I was just softly sobbing.
8:30 a.m.: Called my sweet husband at work to tell him I needed to give my 2 week "mothering" notice. Then I told him I needed a vacation. I couldn't decide what I really needed so I opted for some sugar cookie dough.
9:30 a.m.: Started to feel better about the situation. Got a little perspective, calmed myself down.
9:45 a.m.: Talked to a wonderful friend. Hung up feeling warm and fuzzy and grateful to amazing people in my life.
12:00 p.m.: Went in to my children's school and gave a verbal lashing to the assistant dean of something over something (I'm not really sure what she does but I know she was handling this particular situation). It was ugly, it was loud, it was confrontational and man did I feel better after it was all over. The poor woman that shares an office with the above mentioned dean of something was a little taken aback by my outburst. I'm not a confrontational woman...unless you are messing with my children and other people's children and then I can be nasty. Really nasty.
2:30 p.m.: Went to a meeting where I tried to be calm but firm. Here is where I also gained a new perspective on the situation that helped put things into a clearer state.
6:00 p.m.: Was so, so, so, so happy to see my husband walk through the door. I hugged him and kissed him and told him how much I loved him and assured him that after a little thought, I'd decided to revoke my earlier termination request and stay on the job a little longer.
It is not easy being an emotional drama queen.
I've said it before and I'll say it many times again...being a mother is HARD work. Really hard. Each of my 3 children are so different from each other but they do share some commonalities. All 3 of them are very head-strong, very independent, very strong-willed and very determined. I am so grateful for each one of those characteristics...I wouldn't change them but learning to understand my individual children and their needs is so challenging. How I would handle a problem with one is not how I would handle it with another. Some of how those characteristics manifest themself I get and sometimes I am at a total loss. I want to do what is best and sometimes I come close and sometimes I am appalled at far I miss the mark.
I am trying. But I get so frustrated at myself.
I wasn't there to see this aforementioned situation unfold. I was relying on lots of other people's information...and all of those people had a slight variation on the story. I was eager to handle the situation in a way that was appropriate for my child but not having all the facts made that hard. I realized later that I may not have given him the benefit of the doubt and may have acted too harshly. So what is the lesson learned?
The Lord knows my children PERFECTLY...all their strengths, weaknesses, joys, sorrows, etc. This parenting thing is a divine partnership. I don't have to do it alone...but I also realize that I don't rely enough on the Spirit in handling things. I tend to be very impulsive and emotional and have trouble checking what comes immediately versus what comes if I take a little time and step back from the situation, ask for help, and readdress things. The Lord can guide me, inspire me, and teach me how to be the best mom to each one of my individual children. I need to rely on that more...and be more spiritually in tune to receive that help.
Live and learn...and hope the therapy bills won't bankrupt us in the future!!
13 comments:
OK now I'm totally curious. I will mind my own business though. I'm glad other people think being a mom is hard too. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one that doesn't have it figured out. Thanks for reminding me I'm not so alone.
Seriously, we don't get to know the catalyst? I get it--that's not the point, but come on! I would not want to be that dean of something something, by the way. You are an awesome mom, and I'm with katie--glad to know that awesome moms second guess themselves. I will still keep calling for advice!
It has taken me a few years to learn to wait a second when I get information. It takes ridiculous discipline, that I have not always displayed.. but I'm finding, usually- in life in general.. nothing is as good, or as bad, as you imagine it to be. That having been said.. I totally support ripping off anyone's head that ever disrespects my children in any way. When my kids have been picked on, I've actually thought to myself, "Does that punk not know I'M your mother?" Like I'm Rambo or something. But I love that our kids know no matter what, even when they mess up-- we're in their corner-- and will love them. So now that I've basically 'posted' about your post.. I hope your day is calmer and lighter than the one previously described... and congrats on stayin on the job a few more years.
I've given my notice many times, most times I didn't even give the two weeks. Lukily I have a patient husband who knows I will come to my senses eventually, and just handles things until then. Kids are hard...really hard! Even when they are great kids!
I called you right away and left a lame message. I'm glad to hear it wasn't all that big of a deal, although I know how it can FEEL like it to a mom.
And who is Rex and Bubble, and why don't I get to read about them?
I didn't realize you had posted this blog until now.. but I LOVED your comment about this yesterday in Relief Society! Thanks for keeping life real for all of us!
That is so well put. You learned so much from your most frustrating 24 hours as a parent . . . so far. That's the important thing. I was reminded to rely on the Spirit more myself last week. For strength, patience, and direction. Thanks for sharing this.
i loved that you shared this...even if it was cryptic. :)
So I was complaining to my mom one day about how strong-willed and opinionated my one-year-old is, and she said, "I think she is that way because she will need to be strong for what is to come."
It made me feel better and kind of look at the situation differently. and look at my baby differently. She will need to be strong enough for what is to come.
It made me grateful for how strong her personality is. Now I'm just not excited about "what is to come..."
and thanks for reminding me to rely on the Spirit. I loved that. and needed to hear it.
I had to laugh...Ask me at book club to share my "getting Nutcracker tickets" and the pandora's box I opened in my "non-confrontational" manner, of course......
Amy, you make me laugh. I bursted out loud when I read that you gave your two weeks notice. In regards to the parenting issue...please figure it out. Then write a book. I will buy it. You have me scared now, but I appreciate the words of wisdom at the end.
I love you, I love your kids, I somewhat think I could maybe like Odyssey again, and I think you're a fabulous mom!! And if you get to give your 2 weeks notice and leave....come and pick me up...i'm goin' with ya!!
For reals, I am intrigued...and very glad that you decided to stay in the job a little bit longer.
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