What is Happening Here?

Last winter was just ordinary. Until suddenly it wasn't. This virus was showing up in the news...but it was showing up in China and China was really far away. Then it was on cruise ships and it became bigger...and slightly scarier...news. Then suddenly everything changed. It felt like in a matter of just a couple of days, everything was turned upside down. Schools closed. The library closed. Everything closed. People were asked to stay at home. Suddenly we were using words like "social distancing", "stay at home", "quarantine", and face masks became the new rage. Suddenly I had all my children AND my husband at home. We were trying to navigate what things were going to look like. Was this permanent? Temporary? What was going to happen? And bit by bit, everything changed. Jacob had only been in the mission field for about 3 weeks when they all went into quarantine. My son has spent the last 3 months, the first 3 months of his mission, in an apartment only going out to buy groceries and to walk around a park every morning. Hannah had a part in her school's production of "Beauty and the Beast" and had been rehearsing for weeks. Matthew had waited all year for high school soccer. He was playing Varsity. It was going to be their "golden year". They'd won 5 games and were top in their division. Spencer loved school. He loved his teacher and thrived with the routine and structure going to school gave him. And Ava...she loved kindergarten. And she loved her half days alone with me. (I loved them too!) She was preparing for a big dance performance with her dance class. They'd ordered the costumes. They'd be dancing on a real stage. She was so excited.

And over the course of a month, all of this ended. It was heartbreaking. My heart hurt for my children and for the disappointment of losing these precious and important experiences. 

Please don't misunderstand my intentions in documenting these disappointments. I am filled with intense gratitude every single day that my husband is able to keep working, that we are healthy, that we are together, that we have the necessities we need. These are not small things. The Lord has been generous. But it is part of the story. It's part of everyone's story. People have been asked to give up much bigger things. People have had to make enormous sacrifices. But it's OK to mourn all the losses and honor the sadness. I have been astounded as I've watched every one of my children make the adjustments and be resilient. Seeing this side of their personalities has strengthened my faith and inspired me to do better. Sometimes I felt like I was the one mourning the loss of these things for them more than they were. They have taken it stride. They have adapted. And I couldn't be prouder of all of them. 

Suddenly we were doing school virtually. 

And the whole world suddenly understood how utterly amazing educators are and how very underpaid they are for the work they do. I used to be a classroom teacher and virtual homeschool kicked my butt. Hard. But each of my children's schools and teachers was phenomenal. After just a couple of days and a weekend, they had things up and running. I couldn't believe how they adapted and carried on in this completely new format. It was totally amazing. 

I may need to be done for tonight. I decided today that I was going on a social media fast for the next 6 weeks. I deleted Instagram and Facebook and have decided to return to some journaling on my blog. Over Memorial Day, we were able to follow the life histories and stories of some ancestors that lived here in Utah Valley. I was so grateful to have their stories. I was grateful to read about their life experiences. And I realized I wanted to leave something more substantial behind for those that follow me. This is a first ditch effort. We'll see how it goes.