The Gift

On July 31st, my sister-in-law passed away. We immediately prepared to leave for CA to attend the funeral and to spend some time with David and the kids. It was a strange time. The reality of the situation hadn't really set in. Juli and her family live in CA so I'm not accustomed to seeing or talking to her every day. While my head knew what had happened, my heart was having trouble catching up.

The day before we left was fast Sunday. I sat through testimony meeting with my heart and mind on fire. I didn't want to get up and yet I felt strongly prompted to stand and bear testimony of the events that had transpired and how they had affected me. At the last minute...very, very last minute...as the bishop was literally standing up to end the meeting...I found my courage and raced him to the podium. I have always had a testimony of the plan of salvation...where we come from, why we are here, and what purpose our lives serve both here and in the hereafter. My spirit has always clung to that truth and I have never doubted. But I don't know that I have ever had a stronger witness borne to me about the eternal nature of families. The Spirit truly testified that through the power of the priesthood and the blessings of the temple, our families are eternal. Death is not the end...it is merely another chapter in this amazing plan. While we mourn the loss of that individual in our physical lives, they continue on in a very real way and with intense purpose in our lives on the other side of the veil. I know that. It was a sweet experience...one that I will treasure for the rest of my life.

The amazing San Diego temple.

On Monday, we loaded the mini-van and headed for Vegas, our first stop.

Our family during the first 20 minutes of our car ride.

I needed an Abby fix. I needed to make an appearance in Boo's life and remind her that there is life outside of her mother. I needed to see my Cubby with his big eyes and wise soul. I needed to walk around Abby's house and bask in the simplicity and perfection of her taste and style. I needed to eat some delicious BBQ chicken and jasmine rice and drink bottled water to my heart's content. I even needed a sip of her vanilla Coke. I'm a pillow snob and her pillows were perfection. Really. I even took a picture of me on them so I would never forget.

Is there anything more glorious than cousins? We are big cousin fans in this family. JC, MC and darling Cubby...all clutching their favorite stuffed friends.

A cousin cave made of couch cushions. Raise your hand if you remember cushion caves from your childhood??! And Boo did survive the trauma...just barely.

Remember Abby's pillows? I seriously think I slept with my face just like that for the whole night.

HB really wanted to "hold" Boo for the picture. Boo had completely different plans.

Cousin slumber party. Comfy couches + cousins + blankets & stuffed animals + a fascinating DVD of Pink Panther cartoons = Bliss & Happiness.

Tuesday morning, we repacked our bags and set our sights on San Diego. We arrived at David's house late in the afternoon. It was so bittersweet. Here was where Juli lived...her post-it notes with quotes and scriptures were still stuck to the sink and cupboards in the kitchen. Her scrapbooks were out. A simple love note from her husband hung on the fridge. Some of her medicine was still in the fridge. There were pictures of her everywhere. This was her home. I cherished the time we had to spend with the kids. My amazing niece showed me her newly decorated room, gave me jewels to decorate my toes and then painted my daughter's toes. My nephews showed me their legos and how they had created an entire Lord of the Rings scene from random pieces. (It really was spectacular!) We stayed and visited and helped a little bit and then headed out. Another sister-in-law and her husband had very, very generously rented an amazing beach house in La Jolla for the entire family to stay in while we were there. I don't know how to begin describing this little piece of paradise. I'll just post the pictures.

View into the kitchen area.

Super omega cousin hangout. This was the corner where the round couches, big screen TV, unlimited cable, and cousins hung out at the end of the day. Poor deprived children...no Cartoon Network at home!

Looking from the house to the backyard. Swimming pool, cliff, ocean. Spectacular!

Standing against the glass fence and looking at the back of the house. Fabulous pool chairs, lounges, big table, chairs and umbrella for eating, and a huge BBQ grill for hot dogs and BBQ chicken.

The doors at the end are the front doors. When you walked in, there was an enormous hall where all manner of activities took place. Eating, watching TV, games, games on the computer, movies, more eating, snacks, chatting...all manner of good things could always be found in the hall.

HB and MC enjoying breakfast by the pool in the great hall!

There were 2 tables...a long one for lots of people and a small round one for the more "intimate" eating experience. You wouldn't believe the amount of food 37 hungry people can eat.

Looking down at the grand hall from the balcony on the second floor. There was a fireplace with another circular couch and behind the fireplace was a little greenhouse area with water and plants and a rock wall.

Another view from the balcony upstairs down into the great hall.

Chris' entire family had come. His parents, all 9 children, spouses, and children were together. There were 37 people in all. And it was wonderful! The beach house had 7 bedrooms with big, soft king size beds, gauzy curtains that gently blew in the wind every afternoon when I laid in my nest and took a siesta, and bathrooms for washing off sand and chlorine. The cousins all slept in the grand hall on couches, cushions, air mattresses and the cold, hard floor. It was the biggest, grandest, most spectacular slumber party a cousin could ask for. There was a pool in the backyard, an ocean right off the cliff, a beach to play and frolic on, and a big screen TV to catch up on all the cable TV your parents won't let you have. The garage was loaded with beachcomber bikes, boogie boards, sand toys, a sea kayak, and even a washer and dryer if you really felt motivated. It was perfect. Each family was assigned one meal to fix and share and one meal to clean up after. There was always a game, a movie, trip to the beach, swim in the pool, or great conversation to participate in. It was a time to be together and celebrate what is most important. Juli loved the beach and the water...and she loved family. We talked and remembered and comforted and found solace and joy in each other. Juli's 3 kids spent the whole week at the house with their grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins...and David came down during the day. It was an amazing time!

On Wednesday, we attended Juli's funeral. It was simple and beautiful and filled with the Spirit. The program contained all the quotes from the post-it notes she had hung around her house. I loved that. It was physical evidence to me of what she valued and treasured. It was evidence of what she thought of and was striving to accomplish. While all of us shed tears, it wasn't until the graveside service that I hit my difficult moment. I watched her husband and children lay pink roses on her casket, listened to the beautiful prayer her husband offered as he dedicated her grave, and I started sobbing. Great big chest-heaving sobs. I couldn't stop. The CD in our car was playing the primary songs from this year's sacrament meeting program and they were all about eternal families. I kept sobbing. We went back to the church for a beautiful lunch served by the Relief Society sisters and a slideshow was playing of pictures from Juli's life and the tears just kept coming. I finally asked for the keys to the car and went out to see if I could get things under control. I sobbed...and I felt angry. I know all the answers...I'd had that beautiful witness from the Spirit. I know the truth and believe it with my whole spirit, but for a few minutes I just felt angry. I wanted Juli to be back with her family. I wanted her to be the mom and wife she had dreamed her whole life of being. I wanted her children to have their mother at all the major and minor events of their lives. I didn't want her husband to be alone. I just felt angry. And I cried until I knew it would be OK again. I missed her and the life that was going to happen without her.

That night, as the family gathered on the back porch together, my nephew got a phone call from his sister telling him his mission call had arrived. It was a tender mercy from the Lord that I will never forget. What better way to end this day then with a call to serve the Lord. We rejoiced.

The week was spectacular. Thursday evening we met up with some of Juli's family, including her mom and sister, and hiked at a place called Torrey Pines. It was breathtaking...especially at sunset. We called it the "Juli Memorial Hike"! It was good to be all together. Juli's sister shares so many of the same mannerisms and has the exact same laugh as Juli. It made me happy!

Torrey Pines, CA

Chris and I enjoying the amazing sunset.

The entire family on the hike in Torrey Pines.

The amazing view down to the ocean...and a very, very tired and grumpy 4-year old.

And so it goes...and so it goes...life moves on. When you think it couldn' t possibly keep marching forward, suddenly it is tomorrow. And the day after that. And time has a way of softening the harsh edges and reflecting the joy. It was a gift to be with family and share the sorrow and the joy of losing and loving someone dear. It was a gift to see the ocean and play in the waves. It was a gift to laugh and cry and be with people you love. It was a gift to spend time with Abby and James. This last week was such a gift. And I am truly grateful.

HB in the pool...where she lived for 4 days!

JC also moved into the pool for a few days.

Same with MC.

I love this handsome boy.

MC in a quiet (rare) moment!

We stopped by for another night in Las Vegas on our way home. We met Abby and James and the kids down on the Strip at the Bellagio. Cubby was chilling in the stroller...sound asleep.

Abby took us down to Caesar's Palace for a peanut butter frozen hot chocolate at Serendipity. It was absolutely DIVINE!

Exposing my children to the beauty at the Bellagio...but don't worry. We dragged them through the casino so they could get a little taste of the seedy side of life.

HB loving the flower animals in the Bellagio gardens. I think this was a frog...

The whole family with the bear family. I'd like to think I'm not that rotund...it is so "pumpkin-esque".

Sipping every last drop from that divine frozen dessert in a cup.

Enjoying the finer things of life...

Tribute

On July 31, 2009, at the age of 40, my sister-in-law Juli passed away peacefully in her sleep. This last day has been bittersweet as I've contemplated her life and my association with her and how much...how very, very much...I am going to miss her.

Juli was diagnosed with cancer 8 years ago. At the time, her children were very young...5, 3, and 1 years old. Over the years, she has dealt with chemotherapy, radiation, tumors, broken bones, numerous side-effects from medications and treatments, and almost constant pain. And through it all, she was a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister-in-law, and a friend. She handled each of her roles with patience, faith and love. During the time that she was sick, our family continued to receive amazing and thoughtful gifts that Juli had made. We have dinosaur and kitty hoodie towels, robot and princess aprons, a beautiful nativity set, a CD with her and her children reading their favorite stories to us, and numerous birthday cards that were sent on each of our birthdays! Despite all the hardships she was enduring, she was remembering each of us and taking the time to acknowledge our place in her life. I will forever be touched by that example she set.

One of my first memories of Juli was watching her at a great big family reunion in Idaho with my husband's family. I don’t know if Chris and I were married yet but I was feeling overwhelmed and a little lost in all the noise and chaos of the moment. I remember looking across the living room and seeing Juli sitting cross-legged on the floor with her 2 little children. Her daughter looked like a tiny china doll sitting in her lap and her son was curled up by her side. In the middle of the noise, I watched Juli quietly cuddle and talk to her 2 children as if they were the only ones in the room. I don’t know why that moment had such an impact on me but the image remains vivid in my mind. It was peaceful and serene and reinforced in my heart the importance of mothers and families and taking the time to love and cherish each other.

Juli was a wonderful wife and mother! I have had several conversations with different members of David’s family who have commented on what a master she was in these two areas of her life. She instinctively knew what to do and how to do it. Her children are testimony to her craft. They are smart, independent, creative, imaginative, strong, confident and kind! She was always engaging them in fun activities and experiences. I loved watching her interact with them. Many, many times I have gone to Juli when I needed advice about what to do in a particular situation or with a specific child and I have always felt confidence in her advice or suggestions.

David and Juli, July 2008

David and Juli, July 2008

I have also admired her strength and commitment as a wife. Her and David truly moved as if they were one. They have always struck me as a couple who knew how to work together and accomplish great things as a team. Since meeting them, I have admired their relationship and commitment to each other. I loved watching them interact with each other and their children. I loved how they talked to each other and how they held hands whenever they were walking somewhere. I loved how despite the challenges and trials that tested them, they seemed to grow stronger and fight harder for each other. I admire their marriage and relationship. It defies the odds and exemplifies true Christ-like love and devotion. I have been touched over and over by the descriptions of David caring for Juli over these last few days. He was gentle, kind, and fiercely loyal and determined in meeting her every need and ensuring that she was comfortable and cared for down to the last detail.

Several years ago, shortly after Juli had first been diagnosed and undergone the initial rounds of treatment and surgery, I was talking to her on the beach in California. I can’t remember where we were exactly but I will never forget the lesson she taught me. I was asking her about everything she had been through and how she was handling it. She told me the following.
"There were days I would ask myself ‘Why me?’" But I remember the Holy Ghost very powerfully asking me back ‘Why not you? You have the gospel, the priesthood, love of family and friends, temple blessings, and eternal perspective. If we all must pass through the trials of life, what greater blessing than to do so with gospel blessings and perspective."

I will never forget that moment. It is truly how Juli handled every challenge and trial that this period of illness had given her. I never, ever heard Juli complain about her trials. I never heard her feel sorry for herself or be angry at the challenges she faced. I know there were probably private moments of grief and soul-searching but what she threw out to those around her was the peace and confidence that came from really understanding and living the gospel. Numerous times I have marveled at the love the Lord must have for Juli and the great divine plan that is in store for her. This was definitely the Advanced Placement course in life and she passed with flying colors! While some of us struggle to pass remedial lessons, she blazed the path with hope and faith and love.

It is a great blessing to know you Juli. Thank you for your friendship, your patience, your example, and your constant love and support. Thank you for the birthday cards and amazing Christmas gifts and baby gifts and constant small remembrances of us even when you have been so sick and had so much happening in your life. Thank you for reminding me that it is the small and simple things that are the real miracles in life!

I will miss you.

Summertime.

Oh, what do you do in the summertime,

When all the world is green?

Do you fish in a stream,

Or lazily dream on the bank as the clouds go by?

Is that what you do? So do I...


(Primary Children's Songbook)

Which, incidentally, is a total lie. I don't fish (serious issues with slimy, smelly things), haven't had much time for laying around on banks and if I'm staring at the clouds then there is a good chance that my children are doing something they aren't supposed to. But the world is green and I do love summers with a passion. I love having my kids home. I love that every day is what the kids and I decide to make of it...do we want to go hiking? Swimming? To the park? To a museum? Bike riding? Do we need a slushie from Sonic or a snow cone from the scary shack down by the car wash? Do we want to get dressed? Now we do have our fabulous schedule complete with chores and "thinking time"...that has gone pretty well except for the times it hasn't gone so well but we have tried. I love the gangs of neighborhood kids that roam the streets all day. I love the doorbell ringing and the suspense of opening the door to discover what amazing friend is standing there and what proposal they bring for a new adventure or game. I love eating dinner at 7:00 p.m. and then heading back outside for the next round of summer fun. I love that the neighbors are out and we see each other and giggle and talk until the mosquitoes drive us inside. I love late bedtimes and no stress. I truly was meant to be a woman of leisure.

I love baseball games...whether it be 3 innings of Tball or a full night of the Salt Lake Bees. I need baseball in the summer.

MC kept me thoroughly entertained this summer with his first season ever of T-ball...he proved to be a pretty amazing baseball player. He always knocked the ball into the outfield and made sure that every time he got near home plate, it involved a slide or jump or other spectacle.

I love, love, love the time we spend with family! I love cousins and nieces and nephews and sister-in-laws and siblings and parents...love, love, love. And I love all the adventure they bring. Whether it is hanging out at Coates' house (with quilts and giant water slides and new patio furniture and Darth Vader helmet cakes), a delicious dinner in Chip and ML's backyard (bring on that delicious baby...not to eat of course...just to tickle and snuggle with), exploring the mountains of Utah, discovering new species of birds at the aviary, playing at the park or standing around my kitchen discussing eyebrows and facial hair, it is always fun and always memorable. I love it.

A new species of bird found at our local aviary!

Another new species...they kept popping up all over the place.

Tormenting the "free range" peacock.

Exploring beautiful woods and waterfalls.


Creating our own "I Spy" sculptures after visiting the Walter Wick exhibit at BYU Art Museum. This is MC's creation.

JC's "I Spy" sculpture.

Celebrating Papa's birthday with chocolate and grandkids!

My children simply can't get enough of their new nephew. He is adored and touched and kissed every time we see him.

Cousins...there is nothing in this whole wide world better than cousins.

More cousins...having a snowball fight in July. Only in Utah...

Pulling teeth...our boys were told by the dentist that they each had teeth that needed to be pulled. Chris told the boys he would give them each $5.00 and anything they wanted at Cold Stone Creamery if they would get them out themselves. It became a massive effort...I don't know if the money meant much to them but he was speaking their language with the ice-cream!

Always a couple of summertime injuries...take took a brick to the head and ended up with 2 staples. THAT experience could be a whole blog in and of itself. JC is FULL of dramatic possibilities...

Spending time with my family...priceless.

Homemade fishing poles and lots of creativity.

4th of July...one of my favorite holidays! Love the patriotic occasion, love the food, love the fireworks, love spending the day on the river trail and at the parade and in the cool, dark movie theater with silly 3-D glasses. Perfect day!

Grandpas. Need I say more?

A hike with a gaggle of cousins around a crystal blue lake high in the Uintah mountains.

And fabulous grandmas...a picture is worth a thousand words!

Ah, my sister-in-laws...I have AMAZING sister-in-laws. They are wonderful...but don't worry Courtney...they secret of the big syrofoam cup is safe with me!

HB jumped on our friend's motorcycle for a ride one night...this girl isn't about to miss out on the fun.

Here is hoping that your summer has been full of wonders, adventures, and much joy!