Since the time I was a wee child, I have yearned to be a teacher. I honestly cannot remember one single moment of my life where I wanted to be anything else. I have had a wide host of varied interests but at the core of it all was this desire to teach. I have had "classrooms" set up in every house we have ever lived in. I had a teacher's desk, student desks, real textbooks, worksheets, a chalkboard, sticker charts, and a whistle to use when I had recess duty in the backyard with make-believe students. Are you starting to understand how serious this is?

I was a "student" helper in a kindergarten classroom my junior year of high school, a preschool teacher in a co-op program at my high school my senior year, and have logged some serious volunteer hours in various classrooms around the country...Massachusetts, Idaho, Utah, New Jersey, and Washington, D.C. I received my bachelor's degree in elementary education and my master's degree in Administration and Educational Leadership. I have student taught, interned, and been a "real" teacher. (This is not meant to be a resume but to illustrate a point that I realize is taking a long time to arrive at.) I have found truly immense joy in teaching my own children and I realize I am a total geek because even though I am 35 years old, I still make my kids come downstairs and "play school" with me. I have been there when J. learned to read, write and start to discover the world around him. I was there when M. sang his ABC's and counted to 20 for the first time. I love listening to H. count to 1 and hold up one chubby finger. And now I'm getting to the point.

My oldest child is ready to start kindergarten next year and I have moved from the role of "educator" to "parent"...and I am freaking out. I tried to get excited about the local public school until I watched ants invade the cafeteria one day, talked to an assistant principal who couldn't really tell me what time school started and ended, and met the worn out kindergarten teacher with fraying orange carpet in her classroom and 30+ students in each session. So I put J.'s name on every charter school waiting list in the county. We found out this week that we were accepted at one of our top choices and I eagerly drove all the kids over to the school today to enroll my little kindergartener. I filled out the paperwork, walked around the school where I saw students dressed in the darling plaid school uniform eagerly engaged in studying in a variety of break-out rooms and classrooms and talked to some really enthusiastic personnel and teachers that were impressive both in what they knew and their passion for teaching. As we left the school, J. announced, "Mom, I think I could really be happy here." And I started to cry. You see, the problem isn't necessarily the schools because I realized today that no school will ever be good enough for a little boy who I think is amazing and wonderful and who I adore with every ounce of my body and soul. The problem is that I am sending my son off to let someone else be his teacher and do for him all the incredible things that I love doing for him. And not only that, but no teacher will ever adore my son the way I do. It just seems so ironic that with my passion, I'm still sending him off and it hurts my heart. I won't homeschool him because I don't believe in the long run that it is in the best interest of my child. Going to school is 50% academics and 50% life skills and I won't deny my son the opporunity to be touched by wonderful people who have strengths and skills so different than mine. He also needs to learn how to get along with teachers and students who aren't easy to get along with and how to handle new situations and experiences. He needs the chance to stand on his own and he needs to know that his parents trust him to do that. He needs to make decisions and weigh choices and be responsible for things that are exclusively "his". But I will miss him so much. And I hope he doesn't mind that when he gets home I may still drag him to the library to look for books on dragons and how to make kites and drag him all over the state to go on new adventures and play at new museums and playgrounds and try mixing all that mystery stuff in the cupboard to see what kind of explosion it will make....there is a magic in learning with my children that I hope will never end. I've rediscovered so much about myself and the world that I had forgotten or maybe never really learned. So here is to public education....and to all the moms waiting at the bus stops when school is over! Hooray!