The Gift

On July 31st, my sister-in-law passed away. We immediately prepared to leave for CA to attend the funeral and to spend some time with David and the kids. It was a strange time. The reality of the situation hadn't really set in. Juli and her family live in CA so I'm not accustomed to seeing or talking to her every day. While my head knew what had happened, my heart was having trouble catching up.

The day before we left was fast Sunday. I sat through testimony meeting with my heart and mind on fire. I didn't want to get up and yet I felt strongly prompted to stand and bear testimony of the events that had transpired and how they had affected me. At the last minute...very, very last minute...as the bishop was literally standing up to end the meeting...I found my courage and raced him to the podium. I have always had a testimony of the plan of salvation...where we come from, why we are here, and what purpose our lives serve both here and in the hereafter. My spirit has always clung to that truth and I have never doubted. But I don't know that I have ever had a stronger witness borne to me about the eternal nature of families. The Spirit truly testified that through the power of the priesthood and the blessings of the temple, our families are eternal. Death is not the end...it is merely another chapter in this amazing plan. While we mourn the loss of that individual in our physical lives, they continue on in a very real way and with intense purpose in our lives on the other side of the veil. I know that. It was a sweet experience...one that I will treasure for the rest of my life.

The amazing San Diego temple.

On Monday, we loaded the mini-van and headed for Vegas, our first stop.

Our family during the first 20 minutes of our car ride.

I needed an Abby fix. I needed to make an appearance in Boo's life and remind her that there is life outside of her mother. I needed to see my Cubby with his big eyes and wise soul. I needed to walk around Abby's house and bask in the simplicity and perfection of her taste and style. I needed to eat some delicious BBQ chicken and jasmine rice and drink bottled water to my heart's content. I even needed a sip of her vanilla Coke. I'm a pillow snob and her pillows were perfection. Really. I even took a picture of me on them so I would never forget.

Is there anything more glorious than cousins? We are big cousin fans in this family. JC, MC and darling Cubby...all clutching their favorite stuffed friends.

A cousin cave made of couch cushions. Raise your hand if you remember cushion caves from your childhood??! And Boo did survive the trauma...just barely.

Remember Abby's pillows? I seriously think I slept with my face just like that for the whole night.

HB really wanted to "hold" Boo for the picture. Boo had completely different plans.

Cousin slumber party. Comfy couches + cousins + blankets & stuffed animals + a fascinating DVD of Pink Panther cartoons = Bliss & Happiness.

Tuesday morning, we repacked our bags and set our sights on San Diego. We arrived at David's house late in the afternoon. It was so bittersweet. Here was where Juli lived...her post-it notes with quotes and scriptures were still stuck to the sink and cupboards in the kitchen. Her scrapbooks were out. A simple love note from her husband hung on the fridge. Some of her medicine was still in the fridge. There were pictures of her everywhere. This was her home. I cherished the time we had to spend with the kids. My amazing niece showed me her newly decorated room, gave me jewels to decorate my toes and then painted my daughter's toes. My nephews showed me their legos and how they had created an entire Lord of the Rings scene from random pieces. (It really was spectacular!) We stayed and visited and helped a little bit and then headed out. Another sister-in-law and her husband had very, very generously rented an amazing beach house in La Jolla for the entire family to stay in while we were there. I don't know how to begin describing this little piece of paradise. I'll just post the pictures.

View into the kitchen area.

Super omega cousin hangout. This was the corner where the round couches, big screen TV, unlimited cable, and cousins hung out at the end of the day. Poor deprived children...no Cartoon Network at home!

Looking from the house to the backyard. Swimming pool, cliff, ocean. Spectacular!

Standing against the glass fence and looking at the back of the house. Fabulous pool chairs, lounges, big table, chairs and umbrella for eating, and a huge BBQ grill for hot dogs and BBQ chicken.

The doors at the end are the front doors. When you walked in, there was an enormous hall where all manner of activities took place. Eating, watching TV, games, games on the computer, movies, more eating, snacks, chatting...all manner of good things could always be found in the hall.

HB and MC enjoying breakfast by the pool in the great hall!

There were 2 tables...a long one for lots of people and a small round one for the more "intimate" eating experience. You wouldn't believe the amount of food 37 hungry people can eat.

Looking down at the grand hall from the balcony on the second floor. There was a fireplace with another circular couch and behind the fireplace was a little greenhouse area with water and plants and a rock wall.

Another view from the balcony upstairs down into the great hall.

Chris' entire family had come. His parents, all 9 children, spouses, and children were together. There were 37 people in all. And it was wonderful! The beach house had 7 bedrooms with big, soft king size beds, gauzy curtains that gently blew in the wind every afternoon when I laid in my nest and took a siesta, and bathrooms for washing off sand and chlorine. The cousins all slept in the grand hall on couches, cushions, air mattresses and the cold, hard floor. It was the biggest, grandest, most spectacular slumber party a cousin could ask for. There was a pool in the backyard, an ocean right off the cliff, a beach to play and frolic on, and a big screen TV to catch up on all the cable TV your parents won't let you have. The garage was loaded with beachcomber bikes, boogie boards, sand toys, a sea kayak, and even a washer and dryer if you really felt motivated. It was perfect. Each family was assigned one meal to fix and share and one meal to clean up after. There was always a game, a movie, trip to the beach, swim in the pool, or great conversation to participate in. It was a time to be together and celebrate what is most important. Juli loved the beach and the water...and she loved family. We talked and remembered and comforted and found solace and joy in each other. Juli's 3 kids spent the whole week at the house with their grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins...and David came down during the day. It was an amazing time!

On Wednesday, we attended Juli's funeral. It was simple and beautiful and filled with the Spirit. The program contained all the quotes from the post-it notes she had hung around her house. I loved that. It was physical evidence to me of what she valued and treasured. It was evidence of what she thought of and was striving to accomplish. While all of us shed tears, it wasn't until the graveside service that I hit my difficult moment. I watched her husband and children lay pink roses on her casket, listened to the beautiful prayer her husband offered as he dedicated her grave, and I started sobbing. Great big chest-heaving sobs. I couldn't stop. The CD in our car was playing the primary songs from this year's sacrament meeting program and they were all about eternal families. I kept sobbing. We went back to the church for a beautiful lunch served by the Relief Society sisters and a slideshow was playing of pictures from Juli's life and the tears just kept coming. I finally asked for the keys to the car and went out to see if I could get things under control. I sobbed...and I felt angry. I know all the answers...I'd had that beautiful witness from the Spirit. I know the truth and believe it with my whole spirit, but for a few minutes I just felt angry. I wanted Juli to be back with her family. I wanted her to be the mom and wife she had dreamed her whole life of being. I wanted her children to have their mother at all the major and minor events of their lives. I didn't want her husband to be alone. I just felt angry. And I cried until I knew it would be OK again. I missed her and the life that was going to happen without her.

That night, as the family gathered on the back porch together, my nephew got a phone call from his sister telling him his mission call had arrived. It was a tender mercy from the Lord that I will never forget. What better way to end this day then with a call to serve the Lord. We rejoiced.

The week was spectacular. Thursday evening we met up with some of Juli's family, including her mom and sister, and hiked at a place called Torrey Pines. It was breathtaking...especially at sunset. We called it the "Juli Memorial Hike"! It was good to be all together. Juli's sister shares so many of the same mannerisms and has the exact same laugh as Juli. It made me happy!

Torrey Pines, CA

Chris and I enjoying the amazing sunset.

The entire family on the hike in Torrey Pines.

The amazing view down to the ocean...and a very, very tired and grumpy 4-year old.

And so it goes...and so it goes...life moves on. When you think it couldn' t possibly keep marching forward, suddenly it is tomorrow. And the day after that. And time has a way of softening the harsh edges and reflecting the joy. It was a gift to be with family and share the sorrow and the joy of losing and loving someone dear. It was a gift to see the ocean and play in the waves. It was a gift to laugh and cry and be with people you love. It was a gift to spend time with Abby and James. This last week was such a gift. And I am truly grateful.

HB in the pool...where she lived for 4 days!

JC also moved into the pool for a few days.

Same with MC.

I love this handsome boy.

MC in a quiet (rare) moment!

We stopped by for another night in Las Vegas on our way home. We met Abby and James and the kids down on the Strip at the Bellagio. Cubby was chilling in the stroller...sound asleep.

Abby took us down to Caesar's Palace for a peanut butter frozen hot chocolate at Serendipity. It was absolutely DIVINE!

Exposing my children to the beauty at the Bellagio...but don't worry. We dragged them through the casino so they could get a little taste of the seedy side of life.

HB loving the flower animals in the Bellagio gardens. I think this was a frog...

The whole family with the bear family. I'd like to think I'm not that rotund...it is so "pumpkin-esque".

Sipping every last drop from that divine frozen dessert in a cup.

Enjoying the finer things of life...