Every Road Leads to Ikea

Tonight, in honor of Labor Day, I decided to forego the backbreaking, intensive labor of preparing dinner and drove our little family to Ikea. It was the call of the meatball, the siren of the lingonberry. It had been a little while since I'd indulged and my genes were feeling it. A Swede has need of "meat and potato drenched in sauce with a scoop of lingonberry" every once in awhile. It is what keeps us connected to the motherland.

We sat at our round table under the funky, fun lights with the tasteful textiles and big pictures of Sweden and ate our meatballs. And they were good. So, so, so very good.

Then, because it was Monday night and obviously "family home evening night", we proceeded to have what I think was our finest family night in 10 years. We dropped the 3 kids off in the fabulous kiddy land where they could frolic in the balls and climb the fake rocks and watch DVD's in the loft to their hearts content and Chris and I held hands with smiles on our faces as we leisurely strolled through the IKEA showroom and touched things and sat on things and didn't worry about shattering glass. Everyone was happy, everyone was being "fed" exactly what their little hearts and souls longed for...and isn't that really what family home evening is about? (Just so you know...we really are good about having FHE every single week. But I just don't remember the last time FHE ended with so many positive, happy, non-screaming feelings!) To make it right, we bought a bag of Swedish fish and a roll of delicious lemon cookies for refreshments and had J. quote the scripture he has just memorized. Did we miss anything?

Anyway, as we were strolling through IKEA, I was telling Chris the dilemma I was having with "decorating" HB's room. She is a girl...and for many years her bedroom has been "gender neutral" to keep our baby options open. But seeing as it has been almost 5 years since anything but a girl has slept in their, we decided it was time to swing that direction. She has the most adorable white picket fence headboard with wooden red apples on the top (thanks grandma green!), a great red dresser, yellow walls, and accents of green and blue. I love the color scheme. But I haven't been able to find her bedding...and I've looked. Every store in 2 counties, ebay, internet...you name it. I was telling Chris has frustrating it was that they don't make girl stuff in anything but pink, purple, or Hanna Montana. And then we rounded the corner...and there it was. The answer to all my questions. The solution to this problem. Right in the place I should have looked first. I'm sorry I forgot Ikea! It was like I was drifting and then I was found. All roads lead back to Ikea...

I dare you to tell me these aren't the cutest curtains and bedding you have ever seen.



Can you see the felt flowers and red rick-rack on the curtains? Can you tell there are fairy tale animals with cakes and fairy wings on the bedding? And did you notice the bedding is red gingham on the back? Oh my goodness. My heart melts just looking at the pictures. (And for those of you that heard Carmen tell my pathetic story in RS yesterday about provident living...these were in the budget. Anything this cute moves right to the top of the priority list and beats out groceries and utilities for the next month. You don't argue with cute!) There are also vinyl wall decals, a lamp, some throw pillows and cute storage boxes that match the theme. You will notice we used restraint and didn't purchase all these items at once. That will be the next month...and maybe the month after that. There's a reason we're told to have a 1 year supply of food...right?

So we finally picked up the kids and headed for a little more browsing on the main level. HB loves to get her hands on the little pencils and maps. It is her IKEA passion. By the time we reached the check out stand, HB had filled out her wish list and handed it to me. I didn't know she was doing a wish list...my 4 year old wrote the following list all by herself: (I will send you a box of zucchini if you can decipher all the items...I will send you zucchini even if you don't get it right.)

1) flaowr laptop
2)stoufd dog
3) bedcuvr
4) pictur fram
5) plat
6) vas
7) flawr pot
8) toy
9) crib

She makes my heart smile!

It was a good night. Very good night. We had lots of fun meandering and eating and playing in the ball pits and swinging on the rope pine trees. I feel reconnected to my soul. I feel reconnected to the homeland! Ah, blessed Ikea.

Tutus and New Shoes

Yesterday was a big day in our house. Well, bigger for some people than others. HB, my darling 4-year old, has been waiting to start preschool for WEEKS and WEEKS. Every day since June we have had the same discussion.

HB: Mom, do I go to school today?
Me: Not today sweetheart.
HB: Tomorrow?
Me: No. Not for a few days.
HB: The day after tomorrow? What about the day after that?

And so the conversation goes until I turn the radio up really loud.

But finally the day arrived. And she was giddy. We had a small moment when we went to put on her official ABC preschool shirt that she was supposed to wear on the first day. It is gray. HB held up the shirt with that "look" and said, "I can't wear that. It is a boy shirt."

"No HB, this is the shirt for ALL the kids. Everyone will be wearing their shirt today."

"Doesn't the teacher know that girls like pink shirts?"

We compromised with polka dot leggings and HUGE red polka dot bows in her braids. She looked adorable. I took her outside and to try and take a picture. Our camera is still dead (do electronics ever get resurrected? I could use a miracle...) so I borrowed the camera my son's 8-year old friend accidentally left here. Beggars can't be choosers. After I snapped her darling face, she said, "OK Mom. Now it's your turn."

"Why am I getting my picture taken today?" I replied.

"Because it is your first day with no kids!" Ah, right. Not that I had forgotten but I didn't realize that SHE realized that.

We went to get into the car. She was giggling. Random, unchecked, deep giggles. It made me smile. I asked her why she was giggling and she said that sometimes when you are really happy, it makes you giggle. She then elaborated that sometimes being happy can also make you cry. Astute observation.

And so she was gone. Not a single look back. And you know what? I feel good. It has taken me a little while to come to this point, to accept that my life as a mother is changing a little bit. For so long, I've had little children at home...and I have loved it. I have loved my sweet days with my babies. It has been hard and so challenging at times but I have grown and learned so much. And now it is time for the next phase. I really thought we would have 1 or 2 more children after HB...it is what we have longed for but the realization is slowly taking hold that it may not be in the cards for our family. And it is going to be just fine.

Watching HB go made me happy because it made her so happy. She loves school. She loves learning and playing and making friends and doing projects and going places. And she is in an excellent school with wonderful teachers. How could I not want that for her?

And then last night, she attended her first official dance class. I stood in the doorway of that dance studio and looked at all those little girls with their pink leotards and pink tutu skirts and darling legs in pink tights and thought I was going to pass out. That much cuteness standing in one place can make a person light-headed. It was DARLING and adorable and if my camera weren't lying in the camera graveyard, I would have captured the whole thing. She loves to dance and sing. I'm glad she loves those things. I hope that never changes.

And so here I am. I have a 3rd grader, a 1st grader, and a ballerina preschooler. I have 7.5 hours to myself every week and I'm starting to wonder what I'm going to do when I grow up. Maybe I'll discover a new hobby or learn a new sport or write a novel. Maybe I'll read more books and eat more cupcakes and take a nap. Maybe I'll volunteer at my kid's schools and beg that they will let me stay on this amazing ride as long as possible.

Yeah, I'll stay with them. It's where I'm the happiest.

Fabulous!

Today, completely by accident, I found this shoe online. Do you want to know what the name of this fabulous shoe is? Naughty Monkey Women's Pretty Tree Pump. Who wouldn't want a shoe like that? The name alone sold me. But then I found these...

I'm going to call these my "Naughty Monkey Cinderella shoes". Aren't they magnificent? I'd wear them with my housedress to vacuum and clean the bathroom.

These would definitely be my "Naughty Monkey Going Visiting Teaching" shoes. Wouldn't that spice up a visit? I could wear them with my black sweats...

This is definitely my "Naughty Monkey Grocery Shopping" shoe. I could strut around Wal-Mart and just look hot. And be the envy of all the other shoppers. I don't know how they will go with my flannel pajama bottoms though.

This would be my "Naughty Monkey Goes To Church" shoe. It would match with anything and make running HB out to go to the bathroom in the middle of sacrament meeting so much more fun.

I'm still waiting for my rich benefactor. Where are you? You're taking alot of time finding me...and my list just keeps getting longer. These old flip-flops are starting to wear a little thin. Please send sassy new shoes right away.

Thank you.

So You Think You Can Dance...Really? In That Outfit?

Let me start by making a little confession. I have a dancer's heart. But it is stuck in Attila the Hun's body.

Allow me to be more gentle with myself.

I have always loved dancing but I am well aware that I have some physical limitations. I can't tell you the hours and hours and hours and hours and hours of dance time I logged in that basement bedroom on Hatteras in front of the big mirror on my dresser. I would pop one of my many homemade cassette tape mixes in the big, black boom box and lose myself in some other world. Sometimes it was the bouncy beat of Madonna and Cyndi Lauper, other times it was the melancholy of Air Supply and sometimes it was the funk of R&B. Nothing was off limits.

I loved my stint on the Pom Team freshmen year. I was DEVASTATED when I didn't make the team sophomore year. And making the Highlanders team my junior year had the emotional equivalence of winning an Academy Award. I loved to dance.

I loved dancing in hot pink shiny pants in the church roadshow. I thrilled at the dancers in the City of Joseph pageant who were thrown in the air and tossed about like popcorn. Gravity pulls stronger on some people than others so I was never invited to be tossed but oh how I dreamed. I actually tried taking formal dance lessons one time during my senior year but it absolutely killed the joy. It made me feel heavy and uncoordinated. I didn't like being TOLD how to dance. So I quit and reverted back to my bedroom and homemade cassette tapes. I tried it once again at Rick's College...took a dance class that I loved. I stayed in the back of the room and tried to avoid the mirror. I always felt more graceful than I looked.

And so I carry my love of dance locked away in a special corner of my heart. I still dream of singing and dancing on Broadway...I have my songs picked out and ready for when that chance is handed to me (I Dreamed a Dream, couple of great numbers from Secret Garden, and my 2 favorites from Wicked). I am also ready to dance. Hand me those shiny, hot pink dance pants...I'm ready.

Now here is the point.

Tonight my boys took off for the mountains to camp and be men. HB and I were left to our own devices and so after a quick consult with my weekly entertainment guide from Thursday's newspaper, I selected what I thought would be a fun, "girlie" experience. A "Dancing Under the Stars" spectacular at the outdoor Scera shell theater. My 4-year old daughter also has a dancer's heart and I envisioned us sitting on a blanket under the dreamy night sky sharing a tender moment as our hearts took flight. But as it has a way of doing, reality crept in. Actually, reality is never that subtle. It just plopped itself down and took over our blanket.

We stopped for a light KFC dinner and headed to the park. We paid our dues, found a place to spread out our blanket, and dug in. Dinner was great although HB ate more Whoppers than chicken. Then she wanted to go play. And when the actual dancing part of the show started, she pooped in her underwear and announced that she wanted to go home. After some whining and serious stink (I'm not kidding about the poop...I just didn't have alot of options. I thought we were pass this part of childhood...didn't come prepared), HB laid herself down on the blanket, told me she was going to take a nap, and promptly fell into a deep, deep sleep. The stink was overwhelming so I double wrapped her in the blanket and prayed the wind would stay downwind.

And I haven't even gotten to the "dancing" part yet.

I guess I missed the part where they said this was basically a glorified dance recital for a local studio called "Center Stage". While they have a national reputation and have turned out dancers who have appeared all over the country, they did a fabulous job tonight making me sick to my stomach and really mad.

The first charming number had a bunch of 1st and 2nd graders dressed in their adorable hot pink short shorts with their black knee socks, and ghetto tennis shoes bumping, grinding, and shimmying to some song about "pimpin' out your car" and "lettin' me be your girlfriend." Seriously? SERIOUSLY?

The whole evening alternated between:

a) Really whinny slow songs full of teenage angst and dancers with flexed toes and jerky dancing b) Hard core rap and hip hop with costumes that really didn't have enough fabric to be called clothing.

c) Ballroom dancing with lots of hip and "cha-chas" (think metaphorically) flying everywhere

and

d) An occasional number done by a real professional dancer that was actually good.

There was even one dance that involved some type of metal cage and a few dance steps that looked a little like pole dancing.

Now keep in mind...with the exception of the 2-3 professional dancers they had, the majority of the numbers were being performed by the studio's teenage dancers. High schoolers. You know, the ones we spend all our time worrying about because of their low morals and disrespect for virute, modesty, chastity, reverence, etc.

I'm not saying that the dancers weren't talented. There obviously were some very talented dancers. But I couldn't believe what this studio was teaching them. Children are children. The period of time they spend in childhood is so short. Why are we dressing them up and pimping them out and teaching them to act like adults? And then why do we act surprised when they start imitating adult behaviors and bad habits at an earlier age than we can comprehend? I have attended many dance performances. And I have left many of them filled with joy and respect for the human body and its ability to express such majesty through movement. But tonight felt really base. I hated the costumes, the music, and the choreography. I was disgusted that there was a dance studio with the potential to teach beauty that was teaching a cheap imitation instead.

I was glad that my daughter was asleep on the blanket. I was embarassed by what was being shown and we left early. It wasn't dancing to me. I know what dancing feels and looks like. It makes me happy and carefree and can make me feel beautiful. It always makes me marvel at the divinity of the human body and our capabilities. It makes me celebrate the real joy in life. It feels my heart with all the possibilities of the world. Tonight I didn't feel any of those things. Tonight was not real dancing to me and I am disappointed and sad. And I wanted the parents of those dancers to care more about what these dances and costumes and music were saying to their children about the world than the few moments in the spotlight on a stage in Orem.

I'm going to go find my Mariah Carey cassette mix and do me some dancing. My heart needs a little boost tonight...

First Day of School

Today was our first day of school.

I'm always so emotional and sentimental on this day. I find it gets harder and harder each year instead of easier. It has been so hard to let them go.

JC started 3rd grade. He has an amazing teacher that we love and adore and that will provide the perfect blend of structure and excitement. He loves to learn. Loves the challenge, loves the energy, loves the routine. He truly thrives at school.

MC started 1st grade. He has a teacher that is kind and gentle and I believe understands perfectly the need for a first grader to learn self-control and also be able to play. Having MC go for a full day instead of a half day is a tough reality for me to wrap my mind around. I loved having him home with me last year for part of the day. And I loved the days when HB got to go frolic at preschool and it was just him and I. How many times do I get one-on-one time with my middle child? He is smart and fun and will have a fantastic experience this year. Although when I picked him up at the end of the day, he said, "Mom, was this a whole day of school?"

"No, remember it was early out today? It was just part of a day."

Big sigh from the back seat. "Mom, that sure felt like a whole long day."

There will be adjustments.

And so a new year has started. My boys are bigger, stronger, smarter, wiser, and more fun than they have ever been. I love how they look in their handsome school uniforms with new tennis shoes, freshly cut hair, shiny pink cheeks, and eager smiles. I love the summer we have had together. I miss it already. But I am trying to look forward to the adventures we are going to have and the amazing things they are going to learn about this big, ole' fascinating world we live in.

And I am so grateful to their teachers! They will work so hard and care so much. They know things and how to do things that I don't. I am blessed to feel confidence in them and our school.
I am so grateful for their education and those that are providing it. I am grateful that I am welcome at the school and will have the opportunity to be involved with their lives there. I am constantly being offered new challenges and experiences that are helping me to grow personally and "professionally". I love working with teachers and children and board members and the library and anywhere else they will let me in. It is a joy.

And so we begin this new chapter. I hope the ending is just as happy as the beginning.

P.S. Our camera is broken. Absolutely refuses to do anything. Can you think of ANYTHING more tragic than a broken camera on the first day of school????

Radiance

Dear NieNie,

It was a dark and stormy...morning?! I awoke yesterday to the sound of thunder. It was dark and rainy and cold. I instantly thought of you and this milestone you were determined to face and wished desperately that mother nature had provided different circumstances for you to hike! But last night, as my family of 5 drove from American Fork to Provo, I marvelled at the change in weather...how a dark, gray, thunderous day had turned to something so beautiful. It really was exceptionally beautiful last night! The sky was a color of blue that my poor mind can't think of an adequate word to describe. The sun was brilliant and bright but the temperature was cool and breezy. The mountains were so green and majestic looking. As I was sharing more of your story with my family, I was suddenly struck by the irony of this day.

A year ago was definitely a dark and stormy time in your life. I'm certain that for you and your family, there were many times it seemed hard to imagine how the storm could be hiding something majestic and beautiful. Yet last night I literally watched you scale a mountain, hand in hand with the love of your life, hand in hand with the children I know you adore. You were radiant and strong and as we all sat on the big white Y together, the sun set behind the mountains and cast the most brilliant glow over the valley. That glow in all those magnificent colors lasted long after the sun had disappeared. It was breathtaking and I felt so grateful to be one of the many celebrating that moment with you.You have scaled some huge mountains in the last year. You have faced trials that few will be asked to face in this lifetime. And you are emerging triumphant. I know there are many roads left to travel, many challenges left to face, but if the courage and strength and radiance and grace that you have shown this first year are any indication, then there is no doubt you will conquer with truly a hero's crown.

As I hugged you and met you first time face to face, I was awed by your beauty! You glow! Your eyes are brilliant, lit with a light not many possess. Your kindness, gentleness, humility, and compassion were felt. What an marvelous person you are! Thank you for posting that amazing picture of you on your blog this morning. I smiled again when I saw you. I'm so glad you are in this world, changing lives and spreading so much goodness to so many corners of the world. I look at that picture on your blog and remember walking behind you up that mountain and I feel that you are a rare woman in this world with real untold wealth and joy. Not many will have the opportunity to experience the love you have, the deep understanding of our Savior and His infinite Atonement, the personal assurance that you are His daughter, cradled eternally in His hands and given a very important mission to accomplish in this life. You radiate...your beauty has touched my heart over and over again in this last year. Thank you for that gift.

With all my love,
Amy Carr

P.S. Thank you for taking the time to meet my sweet daughter on top of the mountain last night. She asked over and over again where you were as we hiked the mountain and read the messages left in stone on the path. As we left, she said, "So, mom...that's the fancy Easter basket lady. Can you make me one of those?" Ah, my sweet daughter. Not all of us possess what Nie-Nie does...

The Gift

On July 31st, my sister-in-law passed away. We immediately prepared to leave for CA to attend the funeral and to spend some time with David and the kids. It was a strange time. The reality of the situation hadn't really set in. Juli and her family live in CA so I'm not accustomed to seeing or talking to her every day. While my head knew what had happened, my heart was having trouble catching up.

The day before we left was fast Sunday. I sat through testimony meeting with my heart and mind on fire. I didn't want to get up and yet I felt strongly prompted to stand and bear testimony of the events that had transpired and how they had affected me. At the last minute...very, very last minute...as the bishop was literally standing up to end the meeting...I found my courage and raced him to the podium. I have always had a testimony of the plan of salvation...where we come from, why we are here, and what purpose our lives serve both here and in the hereafter. My spirit has always clung to that truth and I have never doubted. But I don't know that I have ever had a stronger witness borne to me about the eternal nature of families. The Spirit truly testified that through the power of the priesthood and the blessings of the temple, our families are eternal. Death is not the end...it is merely another chapter in this amazing plan. While we mourn the loss of that individual in our physical lives, they continue on in a very real way and with intense purpose in our lives on the other side of the veil. I know that. It was a sweet experience...one that I will treasure for the rest of my life.

The amazing San Diego temple.

On Monday, we loaded the mini-van and headed for Vegas, our first stop.

Our family during the first 20 minutes of our car ride.

I needed an Abby fix. I needed to make an appearance in Boo's life and remind her that there is life outside of her mother. I needed to see my Cubby with his big eyes and wise soul. I needed to walk around Abby's house and bask in the simplicity and perfection of her taste and style. I needed to eat some delicious BBQ chicken and jasmine rice and drink bottled water to my heart's content. I even needed a sip of her vanilla Coke. I'm a pillow snob and her pillows were perfection. Really. I even took a picture of me on them so I would never forget.

Is there anything more glorious than cousins? We are big cousin fans in this family. JC, MC and darling Cubby...all clutching their favorite stuffed friends.

A cousin cave made of couch cushions. Raise your hand if you remember cushion caves from your childhood??! And Boo did survive the trauma...just barely.

Remember Abby's pillows? I seriously think I slept with my face just like that for the whole night.

HB really wanted to "hold" Boo for the picture. Boo had completely different plans.

Cousin slumber party. Comfy couches + cousins + blankets & stuffed animals + a fascinating DVD of Pink Panther cartoons = Bliss & Happiness.

Tuesday morning, we repacked our bags and set our sights on San Diego. We arrived at David's house late in the afternoon. It was so bittersweet. Here was where Juli lived...her post-it notes with quotes and scriptures were still stuck to the sink and cupboards in the kitchen. Her scrapbooks were out. A simple love note from her husband hung on the fridge. Some of her medicine was still in the fridge. There were pictures of her everywhere. This was her home. I cherished the time we had to spend with the kids. My amazing niece showed me her newly decorated room, gave me jewels to decorate my toes and then painted my daughter's toes. My nephews showed me their legos and how they had created an entire Lord of the Rings scene from random pieces. (It really was spectacular!) We stayed and visited and helped a little bit and then headed out. Another sister-in-law and her husband had very, very generously rented an amazing beach house in La Jolla for the entire family to stay in while we were there. I don't know how to begin describing this little piece of paradise. I'll just post the pictures.

View into the kitchen area.

Super omega cousin hangout. This was the corner where the round couches, big screen TV, unlimited cable, and cousins hung out at the end of the day. Poor deprived children...no Cartoon Network at home!

Looking from the house to the backyard. Swimming pool, cliff, ocean. Spectacular!

Standing against the glass fence and looking at the back of the house. Fabulous pool chairs, lounges, big table, chairs and umbrella for eating, and a huge BBQ grill for hot dogs and BBQ chicken.

The doors at the end are the front doors. When you walked in, there was an enormous hall where all manner of activities took place. Eating, watching TV, games, games on the computer, movies, more eating, snacks, chatting...all manner of good things could always be found in the hall.

HB and MC enjoying breakfast by the pool in the great hall!

There were 2 tables...a long one for lots of people and a small round one for the more "intimate" eating experience. You wouldn't believe the amount of food 37 hungry people can eat.

Looking down at the grand hall from the balcony on the second floor. There was a fireplace with another circular couch and behind the fireplace was a little greenhouse area with water and plants and a rock wall.

Another view from the balcony upstairs down into the great hall.

Chris' entire family had come. His parents, all 9 children, spouses, and children were together. There were 37 people in all. And it was wonderful! The beach house had 7 bedrooms with big, soft king size beds, gauzy curtains that gently blew in the wind every afternoon when I laid in my nest and took a siesta, and bathrooms for washing off sand and chlorine. The cousins all slept in the grand hall on couches, cushions, air mattresses and the cold, hard floor. It was the biggest, grandest, most spectacular slumber party a cousin could ask for. There was a pool in the backyard, an ocean right off the cliff, a beach to play and frolic on, and a big screen TV to catch up on all the cable TV your parents won't let you have. The garage was loaded with beachcomber bikes, boogie boards, sand toys, a sea kayak, and even a washer and dryer if you really felt motivated. It was perfect. Each family was assigned one meal to fix and share and one meal to clean up after. There was always a game, a movie, trip to the beach, swim in the pool, or great conversation to participate in. It was a time to be together and celebrate what is most important. Juli loved the beach and the water...and she loved family. We talked and remembered and comforted and found solace and joy in each other. Juli's 3 kids spent the whole week at the house with their grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins...and David came down during the day. It was an amazing time!

On Wednesday, we attended Juli's funeral. It was simple and beautiful and filled with the Spirit. The program contained all the quotes from the post-it notes she had hung around her house. I loved that. It was physical evidence to me of what she valued and treasured. It was evidence of what she thought of and was striving to accomplish. While all of us shed tears, it wasn't until the graveside service that I hit my difficult moment. I watched her husband and children lay pink roses on her casket, listened to the beautiful prayer her husband offered as he dedicated her grave, and I started sobbing. Great big chest-heaving sobs. I couldn't stop. The CD in our car was playing the primary songs from this year's sacrament meeting program and they were all about eternal families. I kept sobbing. We went back to the church for a beautiful lunch served by the Relief Society sisters and a slideshow was playing of pictures from Juli's life and the tears just kept coming. I finally asked for the keys to the car and went out to see if I could get things under control. I sobbed...and I felt angry. I know all the answers...I'd had that beautiful witness from the Spirit. I know the truth and believe it with my whole spirit, but for a few minutes I just felt angry. I wanted Juli to be back with her family. I wanted her to be the mom and wife she had dreamed her whole life of being. I wanted her children to have their mother at all the major and minor events of their lives. I didn't want her husband to be alone. I just felt angry. And I cried until I knew it would be OK again. I missed her and the life that was going to happen without her.

That night, as the family gathered on the back porch together, my nephew got a phone call from his sister telling him his mission call had arrived. It was a tender mercy from the Lord that I will never forget. What better way to end this day then with a call to serve the Lord. We rejoiced.

The week was spectacular. Thursday evening we met up with some of Juli's family, including her mom and sister, and hiked at a place called Torrey Pines. It was breathtaking...especially at sunset. We called it the "Juli Memorial Hike"! It was good to be all together. Juli's sister shares so many of the same mannerisms and has the exact same laugh as Juli. It made me happy!

Torrey Pines, CA

Chris and I enjoying the amazing sunset.

The entire family on the hike in Torrey Pines.

The amazing view down to the ocean...and a very, very tired and grumpy 4-year old.

And so it goes...and so it goes...life moves on. When you think it couldn' t possibly keep marching forward, suddenly it is tomorrow. And the day after that. And time has a way of softening the harsh edges and reflecting the joy. It was a gift to be with family and share the sorrow and the joy of losing and loving someone dear. It was a gift to see the ocean and play in the waves. It was a gift to laugh and cry and be with people you love. It was a gift to spend time with Abby and James. This last week was such a gift. And I am truly grateful.

HB in the pool...where she lived for 4 days!

JC also moved into the pool for a few days.

Same with MC.

I love this handsome boy.

MC in a quiet (rare) moment!

We stopped by for another night in Las Vegas on our way home. We met Abby and James and the kids down on the Strip at the Bellagio. Cubby was chilling in the stroller...sound asleep.

Abby took us down to Caesar's Palace for a peanut butter frozen hot chocolate at Serendipity. It was absolutely DIVINE!

Exposing my children to the beauty at the Bellagio...but don't worry. We dragged them through the casino so they could get a little taste of the seedy side of life.

HB loving the flower animals in the Bellagio gardens. I think this was a frog...

The whole family with the bear family. I'd like to think I'm not that rotund...it is so "pumpkin-esque".

Sipping every last drop from that divine frozen dessert in a cup.

Enjoying the finer things of life...

Tribute

On July 31, 2009, at the age of 40, my sister-in-law Juli passed away peacefully in her sleep. This last day has been bittersweet as I've contemplated her life and my association with her and how much...how very, very much...I am going to miss her.

Juli was diagnosed with cancer 8 years ago. At the time, her children were very young...5, 3, and 1 years old. Over the years, she has dealt with chemotherapy, radiation, tumors, broken bones, numerous side-effects from medications and treatments, and almost constant pain. And through it all, she was a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister-in-law, and a friend. She handled each of her roles with patience, faith and love. During the time that she was sick, our family continued to receive amazing and thoughtful gifts that Juli had made. We have dinosaur and kitty hoodie towels, robot and princess aprons, a beautiful nativity set, a CD with her and her children reading their favorite stories to us, and numerous birthday cards that were sent on each of our birthdays! Despite all the hardships she was enduring, she was remembering each of us and taking the time to acknowledge our place in her life. I will forever be touched by that example she set.

One of my first memories of Juli was watching her at a great big family reunion in Idaho with my husband's family. I don’t know if Chris and I were married yet but I was feeling overwhelmed and a little lost in all the noise and chaos of the moment. I remember looking across the living room and seeing Juli sitting cross-legged on the floor with her 2 little children. Her daughter looked like a tiny china doll sitting in her lap and her son was curled up by her side. In the middle of the noise, I watched Juli quietly cuddle and talk to her 2 children as if they were the only ones in the room. I don’t know why that moment had such an impact on me but the image remains vivid in my mind. It was peaceful and serene and reinforced in my heart the importance of mothers and families and taking the time to love and cherish each other.

Juli was a wonderful wife and mother! I have had several conversations with different members of David’s family who have commented on what a master she was in these two areas of her life. She instinctively knew what to do and how to do it. Her children are testimony to her craft. They are smart, independent, creative, imaginative, strong, confident and kind! She was always engaging them in fun activities and experiences. I loved watching her interact with them. Many, many times I have gone to Juli when I needed advice about what to do in a particular situation or with a specific child and I have always felt confidence in her advice or suggestions.

David and Juli, July 2008

David and Juli, July 2008

I have also admired her strength and commitment as a wife. Her and David truly moved as if they were one. They have always struck me as a couple who knew how to work together and accomplish great things as a team. Since meeting them, I have admired their relationship and commitment to each other. I loved watching them interact with each other and their children. I loved how they talked to each other and how they held hands whenever they were walking somewhere. I loved how despite the challenges and trials that tested them, they seemed to grow stronger and fight harder for each other. I admire their marriage and relationship. It defies the odds and exemplifies true Christ-like love and devotion. I have been touched over and over by the descriptions of David caring for Juli over these last few days. He was gentle, kind, and fiercely loyal and determined in meeting her every need and ensuring that she was comfortable and cared for down to the last detail.

Several years ago, shortly after Juli had first been diagnosed and undergone the initial rounds of treatment and surgery, I was talking to her on the beach in California. I can’t remember where we were exactly but I will never forget the lesson she taught me. I was asking her about everything she had been through and how she was handling it. She told me the following.
"There were days I would ask myself ‘Why me?’" But I remember the Holy Ghost very powerfully asking me back ‘Why not you? You have the gospel, the priesthood, love of family and friends, temple blessings, and eternal perspective. If we all must pass through the trials of life, what greater blessing than to do so with gospel blessings and perspective."

I will never forget that moment. It is truly how Juli handled every challenge and trial that this period of illness had given her. I never, ever heard Juli complain about her trials. I never heard her feel sorry for herself or be angry at the challenges she faced. I know there were probably private moments of grief and soul-searching but what she threw out to those around her was the peace and confidence that came from really understanding and living the gospel. Numerous times I have marveled at the love the Lord must have for Juli and the great divine plan that is in store for her. This was definitely the Advanced Placement course in life and she passed with flying colors! While some of us struggle to pass remedial lessons, she blazed the path with hope and faith and love.

It is a great blessing to know you Juli. Thank you for your friendship, your patience, your example, and your constant love and support. Thank you for the birthday cards and amazing Christmas gifts and baby gifts and constant small remembrances of us even when you have been so sick and had so much happening in your life. Thank you for reminding me that it is the small and simple things that are the real miracles in life!

I will miss you.

Summertime.

Oh, what do you do in the summertime,

When all the world is green?

Do you fish in a stream,

Or lazily dream on the bank as the clouds go by?

Is that what you do? So do I...


(Primary Children's Songbook)

Which, incidentally, is a total lie. I don't fish (serious issues with slimy, smelly things), haven't had much time for laying around on banks and if I'm staring at the clouds then there is a good chance that my children are doing something they aren't supposed to. But the world is green and I do love summers with a passion. I love having my kids home. I love that every day is what the kids and I decide to make of it...do we want to go hiking? Swimming? To the park? To a museum? Bike riding? Do we need a slushie from Sonic or a snow cone from the scary shack down by the car wash? Do we want to get dressed? Now we do have our fabulous schedule complete with chores and "thinking time"...that has gone pretty well except for the times it hasn't gone so well but we have tried. I love the gangs of neighborhood kids that roam the streets all day. I love the doorbell ringing and the suspense of opening the door to discover what amazing friend is standing there and what proposal they bring for a new adventure or game. I love eating dinner at 7:00 p.m. and then heading back outside for the next round of summer fun. I love that the neighbors are out and we see each other and giggle and talk until the mosquitoes drive us inside. I love late bedtimes and no stress. I truly was meant to be a woman of leisure.

I love baseball games...whether it be 3 innings of Tball or a full night of the Salt Lake Bees. I need baseball in the summer.

MC kept me thoroughly entertained this summer with his first season ever of T-ball...he proved to be a pretty amazing baseball player. He always knocked the ball into the outfield and made sure that every time he got near home plate, it involved a slide or jump or other spectacle.

I love, love, love the time we spend with family! I love cousins and nieces and nephews and sister-in-laws and siblings and parents...love, love, love. And I love all the adventure they bring. Whether it is hanging out at Coates' house (with quilts and giant water slides and new patio furniture and Darth Vader helmet cakes), a delicious dinner in Chip and ML's backyard (bring on that delicious baby...not to eat of course...just to tickle and snuggle with), exploring the mountains of Utah, discovering new species of birds at the aviary, playing at the park or standing around my kitchen discussing eyebrows and facial hair, it is always fun and always memorable. I love it.

A new species of bird found at our local aviary!

Another new species...they kept popping up all over the place.

Tormenting the "free range" peacock.

Exploring beautiful woods and waterfalls.


Creating our own "I Spy" sculptures after visiting the Walter Wick exhibit at BYU Art Museum. This is MC's creation.

JC's "I Spy" sculpture.

Celebrating Papa's birthday with chocolate and grandkids!

My children simply can't get enough of their new nephew. He is adored and touched and kissed every time we see him.

Cousins...there is nothing in this whole wide world better than cousins.

More cousins...having a snowball fight in July. Only in Utah...

Pulling teeth...our boys were told by the dentist that they each had teeth that needed to be pulled. Chris told the boys he would give them each $5.00 and anything they wanted at Cold Stone Creamery if they would get them out themselves. It became a massive effort...I don't know if the money meant much to them but he was speaking their language with the ice-cream!

Always a couple of summertime injuries...take took a brick to the head and ended up with 2 staples. THAT experience could be a whole blog in and of itself. JC is FULL of dramatic possibilities...

Spending time with my family...priceless.

Homemade fishing poles and lots of creativity.

4th of July...one of my favorite holidays! Love the patriotic occasion, love the food, love the fireworks, love spending the day on the river trail and at the parade and in the cool, dark movie theater with silly 3-D glasses. Perfect day!

Grandpas. Need I say more?

A hike with a gaggle of cousins around a crystal blue lake high in the Uintah mountains.

And fabulous grandmas...a picture is worth a thousand words!

Ah, my sister-in-laws...I have AMAZING sister-in-laws. They are wonderful...but don't worry Courtney...they secret of the big syrofoam cup is safe with me!

HB jumped on our friend's motorcycle for a ride one night...this girl isn't about to miss out on the fun.

Here is hoping that your summer has been full of wonders, adventures, and much joy!