Is this unbelievable? Go check this out:
It is Boynton JEWELRY! (Am I spelling that word that means "shiny things" wrong?) And by the way...I'd like the "Administer chocolate immediately" bracelet. Thank you for your kindness.
Friday, January 12, 2007
Stay-At-Home Mom
Is it just me or are these 3 of the cutest kids you have ever laid eyes on? I am so charmed by them that sometimes it is hard not to just sit and stare at them. I love playing games with J. or tickling M. with his big growly laugh, or having a "hot chocolate" party with H. with her little cups and teapot. I love when they are all silly and happy and playing with each other. Having 3 little, little people is hard, hard work. And having 3 little people who are very stubborn and independent and opinionated almost makes me crazy some days but then something will happen and I'll forget the frustration and be completely in love with them again. I've never, ever worked so hard in my entire life! Not when I was working 40+ hours a week or going to graduate school or going to school or doing internships or whatever! I feel like I get out of bed every morning and I'm running until I lay down at night...and even then I find myself sometimes getting up (depending on who let M. watch Scooby Doo or if J. got his hands on a glass of water before bed!) Sometimes I feel like all I do is feed, wipe bums, clean, do dishes, do laundry, clean some more, get more snacks, and I HAVE to be sure to wear a different outfit each day or it starts to all feel like the same day. And then you get up the next day and do it all over again. And yet in all the mundane and nitty-gritty, there is something magical. There must be...because I keep doing it. There is something deep down inside of me that tells me I'm part of something really amazing, something really fantastic. There is something that tells me to keep having faith and trusting in the promises I see in my 3 little people and the blessings of the Lord. Something propels me to do one more load of laundry, clean one more bathroom, and read "Knufflebunny" to M. one more time. And sometimes at night when it is very quiet and everyone is asleep, I lay awake and panic because time moves so quickly and my little children are growing up and every day that passes is one less day with their chubby cheeks and adoring kisses and funny comments. Every night represents one less day with my 3 children around me where I know they are safe and I know what they are doing and I don't have to worry about things out there that don't have their best interest at heart. Being a mother is a tough job...whether it is hating the housework or loving your children so much it hurts. I am grateful for this job that is teaching me so much about myself and others. I still have quite a ways to go before "retirement"...what a journey it is!
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Hello New Year! Am I Late?
I haven't posted for so long. Here is why:
1) I was running a preschool for 10 very small children. We made lots of stuff with glitter and put on a play called "The Gingerbread Baby" where they each got to choose what character they wanted to be when chasing the cookie. We had Spiderman, 2 Cinderellas, a spider, a cowboy, a horse, a wizard, and a couple of other things I can't remember. It was chaotic and hilarious.
2) I was trying to figure out how to organize 134 kids and 50 adults into a functioning primary. We had a "Teacher Breakfast", 2 musical numbers in the ward Christmas program, and a "Meet Your Teacher Breakfast" and in between we had to change things a million times and hold a million meetings and stay awake lots of nights stressing.
3) Christmas. Presents, cards, wrapping, cookies to the neighbors, decorating, out of town visitors, etc.
4) My husband's parents came home from their mission to New Zealand and 8 of the 9 siblings in my husband's family came in to town for the event. (They did NOT all stay here!)
5) Out of town visitors staying here (but not all of them).
6) A Christmas "Journey Around the World" class party for my son's kindergarten class (actually, both sessions of the kindergarten. Still not sure how I got roped into that...) And why did I volunteer to be in charge?
7) Lots of playing and frolicking with family and loved ones.
8) Strep throat (my son) and lots of congestion and colds.
9) An anxiety attack
10) A baby shower for a lady in the ward who just adopted 2 darling children after waiting years and years for kids. Invited the whole ward...nothing like putting your house under scrutiny at Christmas time. Worried the whole evening that there was a pair of poopy underwear somewhere or a soggy diaper under the couch!
My new year's goal to learn how to balance my life. There are SO many good, wonderful, magnificent opportunities out there waiting to be grasped but not all at the same time. If I hear of something wonderful, I grab it without stopping to assess where it will fit in to the grand scheme of my life and how it will affect those I love. There is the tricky part...you don't want to squeeze out the BEST part of your life with a bunch of little things that in the end don't add up. I dropped preschool. This is HUGE for me. I agonized over it for weeks but in the end it had to be about my family and me. And I have to admit that it has given me back a HUGE part of my life that I didn't realize had gone MIA. I'm sleeping more than 5 hours a night, I don't feel constant irritation and frustration, and I have more time to devote to the little people that really need me. I'm learning how to say "no". That isn't really true but I'm thinking about how to say "no".
I realize there is a time and season to all parts of life and part of being a grown up is recognizing that some great opportunities need to wait. That is hard for me but trying to do it all at once really messes things up. I feel like if I'm not running around like crazy being involved in every thing means I'm not making the contribution I could be making. And I like being involved. There are so many things I love and so many things that fascinate me and make me curious. But I don't want to wake up one day and realize the most interesting and precious things to me have grown up and moved away.
So 2007 will be the year to slow down and "delete". It will be the year to savor the minutes of every day...good and bad. It will be the year to blog more and stress less. I want to sit back on December 31, 2007 and instead of wondering if Valium could be administered in an IV every night while I sleep, think back on all the things I didn't miss because I chose to really be there...body and spirit.
Here is to hopes and wishes and good intentions! Cheers!
1) I was running a preschool for 10 very small children. We made lots of stuff with glitter and put on a play called "The Gingerbread Baby" where they each got to choose what character they wanted to be when chasing the cookie. We had Spiderman, 2 Cinderellas, a spider, a cowboy, a horse, a wizard, and a couple of other things I can't remember. It was chaotic and hilarious.
2) I was trying to figure out how to organize 134 kids and 50 adults into a functioning primary. We had a "Teacher Breakfast", 2 musical numbers in the ward Christmas program, and a "Meet Your Teacher Breakfast" and in between we had to change things a million times and hold a million meetings and stay awake lots of nights stressing.
3) Christmas. Presents, cards, wrapping, cookies to the neighbors, decorating, out of town visitors, etc.
4) My husband's parents came home from their mission to New Zealand and 8 of the 9 siblings in my husband's family came in to town for the event. (They did NOT all stay here!)
5) Out of town visitors staying here (but not all of them).
6) A Christmas "Journey Around the World" class party for my son's kindergarten class (actually, both sessions of the kindergarten. Still not sure how I got roped into that...) And why did I volunteer to be in charge?
7) Lots of playing and frolicking with family and loved ones.
8) Strep throat (my son) and lots of congestion and colds.
9) An anxiety attack
10) A baby shower for a lady in the ward who just adopted 2 darling children after waiting years and years for kids. Invited the whole ward...nothing like putting your house under scrutiny at Christmas time. Worried the whole evening that there was a pair of poopy underwear somewhere or a soggy diaper under the couch!
My new year's goal to learn how to balance my life. There are SO many good, wonderful, magnificent opportunities out there waiting to be grasped but not all at the same time. If I hear of something wonderful, I grab it without stopping to assess where it will fit in to the grand scheme of my life and how it will affect those I love. There is the tricky part...you don't want to squeeze out the BEST part of your life with a bunch of little things that in the end don't add up. I dropped preschool. This is HUGE for me. I agonized over it for weeks but in the end it had to be about my family and me. And I have to admit that it has given me back a HUGE part of my life that I didn't realize had gone MIA. I'm sleeping more than 5 hours a night, I don't feel constant irritation and frustration, and I have more time to devote to the little people that really need me. I'm learning how to say "no". That isn't really true but I'm thinking about how to say "no".
I realize there is a time and season to all parts of life and part of being a grown up is recognizing that some great opportunities need to wait. That is hard for me but trying to do it all at once really messes things up. I feel like if I'm not running around like crazy being involved in every thing means I'm not making the contribution I could be making. And I like being involved. There are so many things I love and so many things that fascinate me and make me curious. But I don't want to wake up one day and realize the most interesting and precious things to me have grown up and moved away.
So 2007 will be the year to slow down and "delete". It will be the year to savor the minutes of every day...good and bad. It will be the year to blog more and stress less. I want to sit back on December 31, 2007 and instead of wondering if Valium could be administered in an IV every night while I sleep, think back on all the things I didn't miss because I chose to really be there...body and spirit.
Here is to hopes and wishes and good intentions! Cheers!
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Carr Family Christmas Letter 2006
Many of you are going to receive a "hard copy" of this whole post in the mail. So if you want to reserve any of the suspense, stop reading now. For those of you that don't get the letter, please don't take it personally. I ran out of Wal-Mart xmas cards and stamps.
Enjoy.
December 2006
Dear Family & Friends,
Merry Christmas! It really feels like I was just writing a Christmas letter…the days can seem like an eternity but the weeks and months fly by! It has been a year of adventures, amazing memories, trials, challenges and untold joy! We truly wouldn’t have it any other way!
The year started with Chris and I dropping our 3 darlings off in California to spend a week with their aunt, uncle and cousins while Chris and I went to Hawaii to attend my brother Spencer’s wedding. My ENTIRE family (all 7 siblings with spouses and some extended family) were able to attend and it was unbelievable! Snow cones, sea turtles, magnificent scenery and uninterrupted nights of sleep…perfect.
In October we got crazy and took the whole family to Disneyland. After losing M. for 30 minutes, scaring J. to death on Splash Mountain, and watching H. melt down from sheer fatigue, I called my mom on my cell phone and told her “If this is the happiest place on earth, then shoot me now!” Needless to say, the hard moments passed and the remainder of our time in Anaheim was spectacular! I loved being away from the chaos of our daily lives and just being together as a family.
In between the big adventures we are enjoying life’s daily adventures. J. (5) started kindergarten this year at a charter school here in American Fork. He LOVES school and I love uniforms that match and don’t have superheroes on the front! He still loves to do any kind of “project” and has become quite an athlete playing Tball and soccer this year. He is a great big brother & oldest child!
M.(4) started preschool this year in our basement with his mom as his teacher. I really thought I could handle 10 children in my basement having a wonderful social, emotional, and academic experience…if constant wrestling and fighting over fairy wings and Rescue Heroes, crying over bags of snacks, getting play dough and paint ground into the carpet and spending endless amount of time learning to cut a line with a pair of scissors fits the above description, then maybe it is going better than I think. I am learning so much…I don’t know if M. would say the same but we are definitely having a grand adventure together! M. has an amazing imagination and sense of humor. He keeps us laughing!
H.(2) loves to wear “ballerina” skirts, carry a purse, and talk on the phone to Sleeping Beauty. She is all girlie -girl and we love it! The boys are utterly fascinated by the world of girls and I find them watching “Barbie and the 12 Dancing Princesses” more than Hannah does! She is totally independent, stubborn, sassy and sweet!
Chris continues to work at Imagine Learning, leads the Webelos in weekly adventures, and keeps our family all sane and together. He mops floors, changes diapers, tells great stories to the kids, and is truly adored by his wife and children.
I am still Primary President, teaching preschool and working at J.’s school and still haven’t learned how to balance my life and say “no”. Some things don’t change year to year.
We are so grateful for the love, support and friendship we share with each of you. Our relationships are our greatest JOY and grandest ADVENTURES. We are especially grateful at this time of year for the joy we celebrate in our Savior’s birth and life. We hope each of you feel that Spirit and our love this season!
Enjoy.
December 2006
Dear Family & Friends,
Merry Christmas! It really feels like I was just writing a Christmas letter…the days can seem like an eternity but the weeks and months fly by! It has been a year of adventures, amazing memories, trials, challenges and untold joy! We truly wouldn’t have it any other way!
The year started with Chris and I dropping our 3 darlings off in California to spend a week with their aunt, uncle and cousins while Chris and I went to Hawaii to attend my brother Spencer’s wedding. My ENTIRE family (all 7 siblings with spouses and some extended family) were able to attend and it was unbelievable! Snow cones, sea turtles, magnificent scenery and uninterrupted nights of sleep…perfect.
In October we got crazy and took the whole family to Disneyland. After losing M. for 30 minutes, scaring J. to death on Splash Mountain, and watching H. melt down from sheer fatigue, I called my mom on my cell phone and told her “If this is the happiest place on earth, then shoot me now!” Needless to say, the hard moments passed and the remainder of our time in Anaheim was spectacular! I loved being away from the chaos of our daily lives and just being together as a family.
In between the big adventures we are enjoying life’s daily adventures. J. (5) started kindergarten this year at a charter school here in American Fork. He LOVES school and I love uniforms that match and don’t have superheroes on the front! He still loves to do any kind of “project” and has become quite an athlete playing Tball and soccer this year. He is a great big brother & oldest child!
M.(4) started preschool this year in our basement with his mom as his teacher. I really thought I could handle 10 children in my basement having a wonderful social, emotional, and academic experience…if constant wrestling and fighting over fairy wings and Rescue Heroes, crying over bags of snacks, getting play dough and paint ground into the carpet and spending endless amount of time learning to cut a line with a pair of scissors fits the above description, then maybe it is going better than I think. I am learning so much…I don’t know if M. would say the same but we are definitely having a grand adventure together! M. has an amazing imagination and sense of humor. He keeps us laughing!
H.(2) loves to wear “ballerina” skirts, carry a purse, and talk on the phone to Sleeping Beauty. She is all girlie -girl and we love it! The boys are utterly fascinated by the world of girls and I find them watching “Barbie and the 12 Dancing Princesses” more than Hannah does! She is totally independent, stubborn, sassy and sweet!
Chris continues to work at Imagine Learning, leads the Webelos in weekly adventures, and keeps our family all sane and together. He mops floors, changes diapers, tells great stories to the kids, and is truly adored by his wife and children.
I am still Primary President, teaching preschool and working at J.’s school and still haven’t learned how to balance my life and say “no”. Some things don’t change year to year.
We are so grateful for the love, support and friendship we share with each of you. Our relationships are our greatest JOY and grandest ADVENTURES. We are especially grateful at this time of year for the joy we celebrate in our Savior’s birth and life. We hope each of you feel that Spirit and our love this season!
Sunday, November 19, 2006
How I Got Herpes at Disneyland
I've had a few requests for closure to a previous entry that mentioned contracting herpes on my family vacation. It went like this...
On our 10 hour drive to California, I started to notice an insatiable need for chapstick. Not just a "Hey, could you pass the chapstick when you have a minute" but a "clawing through the car like a heroin addict looking for the tube of mosturizer to get their next high" kind of feeling. My lips were SO dry and tingly and weird feeling. It was a little strange but we were driving through the desert so I dismissed it as being a severely dehydrated condition.
A couple of days later the blisters came on. And then I woke up one morning and my lips were huge and swollen WITH the oozing blisters that would pop and drip down my chin. Chris thought it was funny that we were in California and I looked like I had received a really botched up Botox job. J. told me I looked like the sea crustacean from Pirates of the Caribbean. I was walking around Disneyland with a wad of napkins to wipe the ooze, hand sanitizer and wipies to prevent spreading the infection and tubes of lip stuff to try and ease the pain and discomfort. I finally broke down one morning and called my mom. I told her to goggle my systems and see what came up. Moments later she had an article that perfectly described all my symptoms. "Mom, that's it! That's it! What does it say?" to which my mom replied, "Oh, you have herpes simplex. Don't kiss anyone. It is highly contagious!" I felt so unclean.
I don't know how I got herpes. I only kiss one person on the lips and 3 people on the cheek. I don't touch drinking fountains or kiss anything in public places but now I watch the ads on TV for pills that control your herpes outbreaks with serious interest and concentration. My outbreak lasted a FULL 10 days and was so awful there are no words to describe it.
So...does anyone want a big slobbery kiss?
On our 10 hour drive to California, I started to notice an insatiable need for chapstick. Not just a "Hey, could you pass the chapstick when you have a minute" but a "clawing through the car like a heroin addict looking for the tube of mosturizer to get their next high" kind of feeling. My lips were SO dry and tingly and weird feeling. It was a little strange but we were driving through the desert so I dismissed it as being a severely dehydrated condition.
A couple of days later the blisters came on. And then I woke up one morning and my lips were huge and swollen WITH the oozing blisters that would pop and drip down my chin. Chris thought it was funny that we were in California and I looked like I had received a really botched up Botox job. J. told me I looked like the sea crustacean from Pirates of the Caribbean. I was walking around Disneyland with a wad of napkins to wipe the ooze, hand sanitizer and wipies to prevent spreading the infection and tubes of lip stuff to try and ease the pain and discomfort. I finally broke down one morning and called my mom. I told her to goggle my systems and see what came up. Moments later she had an article that perfectly described all my symptoms. "Mom, that's it! That's it! What does it say?" to which my mom replied, "Oh, you have herpes simplex. Don't kiss anyone. It is highly contagious!" I felt so unclean.
I don't know how I got herpes. I only kiss one person on the lips and 3 people on the cheek. I don't touch drinking fountains or kiss anything in public places but now I watch the ads on TV for pills that control your herpes outbreaks with serious interest and concentration. My outbreak lasted a FULL 10 days and was so awful there are no words to describe it.
So...does anyone want a big slobbery kiss?
Everyone Needs An Aunt
On Friday night I drove the kids to Macy's Department Store to see their Aunt Carrie and meet their Aunt ML for the annual "fragrance" event. There really is nothing else my children love more than their aunts and uncles and cousins and grandmas and grandpas! We are so fortunate to be surrounded by so many of these people and I am here to tell you...don't underestimate your power and influence in any one of these roles. My children see their aunt Carrie and ML pretty regularly but every time is a thrill for my kids. They get all giddy and excited and want to hold their hands and walk with them and talk their ears off and tell them everything and ride in their cars and give them hugs and kisses. I watched my children clambor for their aunts attention and I am so, so grateful for sweet, kind, gentle women who love and adore my children. You see, these aunts make my children feel like the most important people in the world. These aunts act just as excited to see their niece and nephews as they are to see them. Even though they have been caring for their own children and working hard all day they still kneel down and listen and love them. They hold their hands and show them cool Christmas decorations and ride the escalator. They let all 3 ride in their mini van even though it means giving up precious "alone" time. I just can't tell you how beautiful the few minutes we all spent together that evening were. I walked across the parking lot to my car with my heart overflowing with gratitude not only for my children, but for the amazing people who are helping me raise my children. The influence of these people in my family (both sides!) is priceless. They will be able to touch and influence my children in ways that I can't. I will continue to need their help and support and I recognize that I could never do this job alone.
So 3 cheers for all the uncles, aunts, cousins, and grandparents who are riding escalators, letting kids push the buttons in elevators, and changing the lives of every little person around them! I love you!
So 3 cheers for all the uncles, aunts, cousins, and grandparents who are riding escalators, letting kids push the buttons in elevators, and changing the lives of every little person around them! I love you!
Quote of the Day...
This morning J. went and tackled his Dad in bed to wake him up. As they were wrestling, J. suddenly sat up, sniffed the air and said, "Dad, your breath smells like the snake house at the zoo!"
Aren't children subtle?
Aren't children subtle?
Saturday, October 28, 2006
More Unsolicited Recommendations
I am a total book junkie. Serious addict. Mostly children's picture books, some young adult fiction. And a kind commentor made the tragic mistake of asking me for a few suggestions regarding books for babies. I will try to limit myself to my top choices. But if the list is not long enough, I'd be happy to suggest my life away. I love books.
My Top Reading List for Babies, Toddlers, and Other Helpless Dependents:
1) What Shall We Do With the Boo Hoo Baby? (Cressida Cowell)
2) Five LIttle Ladybugs (Melanie Girth and Tony Griego)
[Many variations on this theme are also available and they are all darling but the ladybugs are my personal favorite!]
3) Kiss Good Night! (Amy Hest & Anita Jeram) [There is a whole series of "Sam" books and they are all wonderful. I am very much attached to darling Sam bear from this book. Collect all the books. They are warm and beautiful and perfect for snuggling. My daughter's bedroom is decorated around 4 prints from this book.]
4) Olivia (Ian Falconer) [My most favorite pig. She is hilarious and endearing and my whole laundry room is done with Olivia the pig. I even own the tea set...]
5) 3 board books by Leslie Patricelli...Quiet/Loud, Big/Little, Yummy/Yucky [These 3 books are a MUST HAVE! From the time H. was little, she would gleefully join in on these books. They are so funny!]
6) Don't Let The Pigeon Drive the Bus (Mo Willems) [My children laugh themselves silly every time we read this book!]
7) Knufflebunny (Mo Willems) [This is my darling M.'s favorite book!]
8) Sandra Boynton: every board book she has ever written. Children simply will not grow up normal if they have not properly been indoctrinated by her board books from birth.
9) Where the Wild Things Are (Maurice Sendak)
10) The Very Hungry Caterpillar (Eric Carle)
11) Counting Kisses (Karen Katz)
12) Good NIght, Gorilla (Peggy Rathmann): Be prepared. If you choose to introduce this book, you will be reading it 15 times a day for at least a year.
13) Brown Bear, Brown Bear What Do You See? (Eric Carle)
14) Polar Bear, Polar Bear, What Do You Hear? (Eric Carle)
Oh my goodness. Have I said too much? If you owned these 13 million books, you would never leave your comfy chair and you would be in reading heaven all your days.
Read to your children every day for at least 20 minutes. That single act alone will change your child's world.
My Top Reading List for Babies, Toddlers, and Other Helpless Dependents:
1) What Shall We Do With the Boo Hoo Baby? (Cressida Cowell)
2) Five LIttle Ladybugs (Melanie Girth and Tony Griego)
[Many variations on this theme are also available and they are all darling but the ladybugs are my personal favorite!]
3) Kiss Good Night! (Amy Hest & Anita Jeram) [There is a whole series of "Sam" books and they are all wonderful. I am very much attached to darling Sam bear from this book. Collect all the books. They are warm and beautiful and perfect for snuggling. My daughter's bedroom is decorated around 4 prints from this book.]
4) Olivia (Ian Falconer) [My most favorite pig. She is hilarious and endearing and my whole laundry room is done with Olivia the pig. I even own the tea set...]
5) 3 board books by Leslie Patricelli...Quiet/Loud, Big/Little, Yummy/Yucky [These 3 books are a MUST HAVE! From the time H. was little, she would gleefully join in on these books. They are so funny!]
6) Don't Let The Pigeon Drive the Bus (Mo Willems) [My children laugh themselves silly every time we read this book!]
7) Knufflebunny (Mo Willems) [This is my darling M.'s favorite book!]
8) Sandra Boynton: every board book she has ever written. Children simply will not grow up normal if they have not properly been indoctrinated by her board books from birth.
9) Where the Wild Things Are (Maurice Sendak)
10) The Very Hungry Caterpillar (Eric Carle)
11) Counting Kisses (Karen Katz)
12) Good NIght, Gorilla (Peggy Rathmann): Be prepared. If you choose to introduce this book, you will be reading it 15 times a day for at least a year.
13) Brown Bear, Brown Bear What Do You See? (Eric Carle)
14) Polar Bear, Polar Bear, What Do You Hear? (Eric Carle)
Oh my goodness. Have I said too much? If you owned these 13 million books, you would never leave your comfy chair and you would be in reading heaven all your days.
Read to your children every day for at least 20 minutes. That single act alone will change your child's world.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Paradise Found!
Last Thursday, I boarded a plane bound for Manchester, NH where a rental car was waiting to whisk me off through the fabulous fall foliage to Portland, Maine.
I was invited to accompany a friend on her much needed "mom getaway". Due to her husband's immense traveling and thereby immense accumulation of frequent traveller points, we were able to take this trip without paying for airfare, hotels, or rental car. Truly amazing. Even more amazing that I was invited to share the generosity and go along.
We left Thursday afternoon. At the airport, we stocked up on trashy celebrity magazines and boarded the plane where we quickly settled in for a long, childless plane ride. The ginger ale tasted sweeter, the snacks were extra good, and we talked, analyzed, therapized (is that a word?), laughed, giggled, and played the whole way. After finding our rental car, we drove about 90 minutes to our hotel in Portland where we were greeted by warm cookies, cool bottles of water, 2 double beds with feather pillow top mattresses, real feather comforters, and crisp, soft white sheets. The bed even had a throw pillow with "Sweet Dreams" embroidered across the front. The next morning we had "complimentary tickets" for the breakfast buffet downstairs and I'm not talking a bagel and some crusty cream cheese. I'm talking scrambled eggs, hash browns, bacon, sausage, fruit buffet, pastries buffet, etc. etc. I actually swiped 2 jars of jam because they were seriously so little and cute. And this was just the first 12 hours...
This trip was so therapeutic to my soul. There is something about the wild ruggedness and sheer breathtaking beauty of the east coast that really touches my spirit in a powerful way. We saw white lighthouses that reached into the deep blue sky. Lakes and rivers and ocean with pounding surf and wild waves. We ate haddock with newburg sauce in a charming local restaurant called The Lobster Shed. We drove through magnificent trees with colors you can't even imagine. We touched the cold Atlantic Ocean and marvelled on our knees at the beautiful things growing in tide pools. We shopped at little antique shops, took a million pictures on a million beautiful stone bridges in front of white steepled churches in quaint, quiet, beautiful towns and villages. We got lost a million times and didn't worry about being found. We talked about husbands, children, marriages, dreams, disappointments, frustrations, joys, and hopes. We told stories about high school, old boyfriends, rainy wedding days, rebellious teenage days and found memories we both thought we had lost. We drank lots of caramel hot apple cider from Starbucks and never took for granted a single old stone New England home. I found myself standing still in lots of different places with my eyes closed and breathing deeply, feeling like something inside me was being filled that had been empty for some time. I don't know what that empty place was...maybe it was missed moments of quiet and solitude. Maybe it was finding the things that are so beautiful and magnificent to me that they take my breath away. Maybe it is how the air smells or the sound the leaves make or how seagulls sound flying above the water. It was precious time.
Every woman needs time like this. Taking a trip like this was truly a precious gift from a dear, wonderful friend. It is a tradition that I hope to replicate every year. With all that I love and hold dear, I needed 4 days to reconnect with myself and with my life. I didn't spend one moment thinking about teaching preschool or planning a primary program or worrying about sharing time or stressing about house cleaning or child raising, or any of the other things that fill my life on a day to day basis. For 4 days I thought about different things, new things, and played with new ideas. When I came home, I ready to face my challenges and joys with new perspective. I have had moments that have been difficult and where I have longed to sit on the rock in Cape Elizabeth, Maine and just be still but I also have a profound joy that I have a life filled with magnificent people and opportunities. It is a balancing game and I'm still a novice.
To Tonya...thank you from the bottom of my heart.
To Chris...thank you for being a husband who sincerely tries in every way to understand and support me. Thank you for watching our children and making this possible.
To Mo and ML and CeliAnne...thank you for loving my children and being willing to take them on. You helped in very meaningful ways to make this opportunity possible.
And to all the women who carry heavy burdens every day...remember to stop and rest and close your eyes and breathe deeply. Rest. Be still.
I was invited to accompany a friend on her much needed "mom getaway". Due to her husband's immense traveling and thereby immense accumulation of frequent traveller points, we were able to take this trip without paying for airfare, hotels, or rental car. Truly amazing. Even more amazing that I was invited to share the generosity and go along.
We left Thursday afternoon. At the airport, we stocked up on trashy celebrity magazines and boarded the plane where we quickly settled in for a long, childless plane ride. The ginger ale tasted sweeter, the snacks were extra good, and we talked, analyzed, therapized (is that a word?), laughed, giggled, and played the whole way. After finding our rental car, we drove about 90 minutes to our hotel in Portland where we were greeted by warm cookies, cool bottles of water, 2 double beds with feather pillow top mattresses, real feather comforters, and crisp, soft white sheets. The bed even had a throw pillow with "Sweet Dreams" embroidered across the front. The next morning we had "complimentary tickets" for the breakfast buffet downstairs and I'm not talking a bagel and some crusty cream cheese. I'm talking scrambled eggs, hash browns, bacon, sausage, fruit buffet, pastries buffet, etc. etc. I actually swiped 2 jars of jam because they were seriously so little and cute. And this was just the first 12 hours...
This trip was so therapeutic to my soul. There is something about the wild ruggedness and sheer breathtaking beauty of the east coast that really touches my spirit in a powerful way. We saw white lighthouses that reached into the deep blue sky. Lakes and rivers and ocean with pounding surf and wild waves. We ate haddock with newburg sauce in a charming local restaurant called The Lobster Shed. We drove through magnificent trees with colors you can't even imagine. We touched the cold Atlantic Ocean and marvelled on our knees at the beautiful things growing in tide pools. We shopped at little antique shops, took a million pictures on a million beautiful stone bridges in front of white steepled churches in quaint, quiet, beautiful towns and villages. We got lost a million times and didn't worry about being found. We talked about husbands, children, marriages, dreams, disappointments, frustrations, joys, and hopes. We told stories about high school, old boyfriends, rainy wedding days, rebellious teenage days and found memories we both thought we had lost. We drank lots of caramel hot apple cider from Starbucks and never took for granted a single old stone New England home. I found myself standing still in lots of different places with my eyes closed and breathing deeply, feeling like something inside me was being filled that had been empty for some time. I don't know what that empty place was...maybe it was missed moments of quiet and solitude. Maybe it was finding the things that are so beautiful and magnificent to me that they take my breath away. Maybe it is how the air smells or the sound the leaves make or how seagulls sound flying above the water. It was precious time.
Every woman needs time like this. Taking a trip like this was truly a precious gift from a dear, wonderful friend. It is a tradition that I hope to replicate every year. With all that I love and hold dear, I needed 4 days to reconnect with myself and with my life. I didn't spend one moment thinking about teaching preschool or planning a primary program or worrying about sharing time or stressing about house cleaning or child raising, or any of the other things that fill my life on a day to day basis. For 4 days I thought about different things, new things, and played with new ideas. When I came home, I ready to face my challenges and joys with new perspective. I have had moments that have been difficult and where I have longed to sit on the rock in Cape Elizabeth, Maine and just be still but I also have a profound joy that I have a life filled with magnificent people and opportunities. It is a balancing game and I'm still a novice.
To Tonya...thank you from the bottom of my heart.
To Chris...thank you for being a husband who sincerely tries in every way to understand and support me. Thank you for watching our children and making this possible.
To Mo and ML and CeliAnne...thank you for loving my children and being willing to take them on. You helped in very meaningful ways to make this opportunity possible.
And to all the women who carry heavy burdens every day...remember to stop and rest and close your eyes and breathe deeply. Rest. Be still.
Support the Arts!
Tonight my little family had a fabulous experience. We attended a musical at the Children's Theatre of Salt Lake City entitled "The Stinky Cheese Man". It is a little tiny theater located on 600 South State Street in Salt Lake City that didn't look like a whole lot from the outside but was really amazing on the inside. It is a whole theater company dedicated to providing quality plays and musicals for children and their families. It is geared FOR children and they did a fantastic job. Everything about the entire show was very professional and extremely well-done...the costumes, the scenery, the talent, the singing, the acting...etc. My husband and I took our 5 year old and 4 year old and they both had a great experience. Even the refreshments at the Cafe were all based around the play...Foxy Loxy brownie sundae, Stinky Cheese Man grilled cheese sandwich on Red Hen Home Made Bread, Frog Prince dessert...it was a truly wonderful evening. My little children had the opportunity to go and have a real "live theater" experience. J. sat on the edge of his seat most of the play and laughed in all the right places. Where else would a theater not only welcome small children but embrace the enthusiasum only a child could have for silliness and drama. The show lasted 90 minutes (including the intermission), was fast paced, dialogue and story line appropriate for the audience it was targeting. Truly a magnificent show!
I am so grateful to make a fabulous discovery like this. And I am always terrified it won't last. These theaters and groups need to be important to the public and people need to make a conscious effort to support local organizations who are reaching out to children and families in a positive way. When individuals make a conscious decision about what is important to them in their community and seek to show support for these groups, it can have a very positive, very powerful impact.
So get on the internet and start exploring what is waiting to be discovered right around the corner from you.
And if you ever come for a visit to Utah, I know a great little place where we can catch an excellent show...
I am so grateful to make a fabulous discovery like this. And I am always terrified it won't last. These theaters and groups need to be important to the public and people need to make a conscious effort to support local organizations who are reaching out to children and families in a positive way. When individuals make a conscious decision about what is important to them in their community and seek to show support for these groups, it can have a very positive, very powerful impact.
So get on the internet and start exploring what is waiting to be discovered right around the corner from you.
And if you ever come for a visit to Utah, I know a great little place where we can catch an excellent show...
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Another Side-Note...
I'm looking for a rich benefactor to buy me things that I can't afford. I'd like to start with the following list of incredible picture books:
1) Olivia Forms a Band (Ian Falconer)
2) Dooby Dooby Moo (Doreen Cronin & Betsy Lewin)
3) Bats at the Beach (Brian Lies)
4) Fancy Nancy (Jane O'Connor)
5) Don't Let the Pigeon Stay Up Late (Mo Willems) [ANYTHING by Mo Willems is hilarious and creative and divine. Try "Knufflebunny" and "Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus". True classics in this house!]
6) Flotsam (David Wiesner)
7) Library Lion (Michelle Knudsen)
8) Chowder (Peter Brown)
9) G is for One Gzonk! An Alpha-Number-Bet Book
10) Grumpy Gloria (Anna Dewdney)
11) Mommy? (new pop-up book by Maurice Sendak...GREAT Halloween book...I just bought this one so don't get me this one!)
12) The Boy of Steel: A Baseball Dream Come True (Ray Negron)
13) The Greatest Power (Demi)
14) Duck and Goose (Tad Hills)
15) Eats, Shoots, and Leaves (Lynne Truss)
Seriously, if you are rich, this puny list is nothing. Please send right away.
Thank you for you kind attention to my needs.
1) Olivia Forms a Band (Ian Falconer)
2) Dooby Dooby Moo (Doreen Cronin & Betsy Lewin)
3) Bats at the Beach (Brian Lies)
4) Fancy Nancy (Jane O'Connor)
5) Don't Let the Pigeon Stay Up Late (Mo Willems) [ANYTHING by Mo Willems is hilarious and creative and divine. Try "Knufflebunny" and "Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus". True classics in this house!]
6) Flotsam (David Wiesner)
7) Library Lion (Michelle Knudsen)
8) Chowder (Peter Brown)
9) G is for One Gzonk! An Alpha-Number-Bet Book
10) Grumpy Gloria (Anna Dewdney)
11) Mommy? (new pop-up book by Maurice Sendak...GREAT Halloween book...I just bought this one so don't get me this one!)
12) The Boy of Steel: A Baseball Dream Come True (Ray Negron)
13) The Greatest Power (Demi)
14) Duck and Goose (Tad Hills)
15) Eats, Shoots, and Leaves (Lynne Truss)
Seriously, if you are rich, this puny list is nothing. Please send right away.
Thank you for you kind attention to my needs.
Just A Side-Note...
I just finished reading one of the best books I have read in a really long time. It was loaned to me by a friend and I have to admit that the beat up cover did not motivate me to pick the book up for several weeks...but once I did, I've truly been engrossed in it for the past few days. The book is called "So Big" by Edna Ferber. It is a very memorable pulitzer prize winning novel from decades ago. The language and writing in the story are exquisite and beautiful. The actual story is engrossing and as you finish the last page, you are left sitting and staring at the book and trying to wrap your mind around the message. I really must insist that every one of you get to the library (or bookstore...go to one with hot chocolate) and get a copy. Now. Why are you still reading? Move. Go.
I'm waiting....
Still waiting...
You guys are stubborn.
I'm waiting....
Still waiting...
You guys are stubborn.
It's a Really Strange World After All
Well, we did it.
I wasn't sure it could be done.
I had serious reservations, horrific nightmares, and a few panic attacks but we did it. Despite a few battle scars and some emotional healing that still needs to occur, I would dare say we have emerged triumphant. We drove 10 hours in a mini-van and took 3 small children (ages 5 and under) to Disneyland. We only lost one child (temporarily), picked up a raging case of herpes simplex fever blisters, misplaced a darling red leather Mary Jane shoe, and had one minor "wetting" incident on Splash Mountain but here we are! Home, sunburned, and blissfully filled with precious family memories. But I'm getting ahead of myself...
I will not attempt to unfold the whole saga in one blog...rather, I will break this in to a few "mini" stories to be savored one at a time. I will start with our wild adventure in Las Vegas.
We had been driving for 6 straight hours when we realized we were long overdue for a gasoline/potty/diaper changing break. Since we were on the outskirts of Vegas, we decided to push forward a little ways and find a place to stop in the city. We started telling the kids how great it was going to be when Abby and James and Caleb moved to Las Vegas and how we could drive down and visit them and stay at their house and play. I really had a motivational pep rally going when the van came to a stop and the door slid open. The boys all jumped out and I went around to get H. when my husband asked, "Did you remember to pack your bra?" I turned around and found my husband staring down at a lacy black bra that had been abandoned in the parking place next to us. It had seen a little action in that parking lot...been driven over a few times and had some choice things dropped on it but there it was in all its black splendor. My 5 year old and 4 year old boys came rushing around the car to see what all the commotion was about. The following conversation ensued:
5 yr old: Mom, what is that?
Mom: A bra.
5yr old: What is a bra?
Mom: It is girl underwear that we wear on our breasts.
5 yr. old: How did a girl lose her bra at the gas station?
Mom: I don't know J. That is a good question.
5 yr. old: Maybe the door accidentally opened and the bra just flew away.
Mom: Maybe.
4 yr. old: Gross.
We proceeded inside. I watched more trauma unfold in the next 15 minutes than I have witnessed in the last 5 years of my life. I watched the homeless, toothless old man try to sell the gas station attendant a set of colored pencils in a wood box for $20.00, watched the glazed over, somewhat drunk men sit at the slot machines pushing the buttons aimlessly while their credit cards maxed out, and the woman that left her 4 year old daughter screaming outside the door in the care of a small Mexican man while she went in to gamble. Our poor sheltered children just stood on the sticky gas station floor and took it all in. When we got back in the car there wasn't much comment. Maybe they were trying to find a place in their brains to assimilate all the fun they had just witnessed in Las Vegas. Maybe they were wondering why Abby and James and Caleb were going to live in a sticky gas station. Maybe they were still wondering how people in Vegas accidentally lose their underwear in parking lots.
I felt like we had all lost a little of our naive innocence. But hey...isn't that what family vacations are all about?
(Stay tuned for the saga of the Lost Child and "How I Got Herpes on My Family Vacation".)
I wasn't sure it could be done.
I had serious reservations, horrific nightmares, and a few panic attacks but we did it. Despite a few battle scars and some emotional healing that still needs to occur, I would dare say we have emerged triumphant. We drove 10 hours in a mini-van and took 3 small children (ages 5 and under) to Disneyland. We only lost one child (temporarily), picked up a raging case of herpes simplex fever blisters, misplaced a darling red leather Mary Jane shoe, and had one minor "wetting" incident on Splash Mountain but here we are! Home, sunburned, and blissfully filled with precious family memories. But I'm getting ahead of myself...
I will not attempt to unfold the whole saga in one blog...rather, I will break this in to a few "mini" stories to be savored one at a time. I will start with our wild adventure in Las Vegas.
We had been driving for 6 straight hours when we realized we were long overdue for a gasoline/potty/diaper changing break. Since we were on the outskirts of Vegas, we decided to push forward a little ways and find a place to stop in the city. We started telling the kids how great it was going to be when Abby and James and Caleb moved to Las Vegas and how we could drive down and visit them and stay at their house and play. I really had a motivational pep rally going when the van came to a stop and the door slid open. The boys all jumped out and I went around to get H. when my husband asked, "Did you remember to pack your bra?" I turned around and found my husband staring down at a lacy black bra that had been abandoned in the parking place next to us. It had seen a little action in that parking lot...been driven over a few times and had some choice things dropped on it but there it was in all its black splendor. My 5 year old and 4 year old boys came rushing around the car to see what all the commotion was about. The following conversation ensued:
5 yr old: Mom, what is that?
Mom: A bra.
5yr old: What is a bra?
Mom: It is girl underwear that we wear on our breasts.
5 yr. old: How did a girl lose her bra at the gas station?
Mom: I don't know J. That is a good question.
5 yr. old: Maybe the door accidentally opened and the bra just flew away.
Mom: Maybe.
4 yr. old: Gross.
We proceeded inside. I watched more trauma unfold in the next 15 minutes than I have witnessed in the last 5 years of my life. I watched the homeless, toothless old man try to sell the gas station attendant a set of colored pencils in a wood box for $20.00, watched the glazed over, somewhat drunk men sit at the slot machines pushing the buttons aimlessly while their credit cards maxed out, and the woman that left her 4 year old daughter screaming outside the door in the care of a small Mexican man while she went in to gamble. Our poor sheltered children just stood on the sticky gas station floor and took it all in. When we got back in the car there wasn't much comment. Maybe they were trying to find a place in their brains to assimilate all the fun they had just witnessed in Las Vegas. Maybe they were wondering why Abby and James and Caleb were going to live in a sticky gas station. Maybe they were still wondering how people in Vegas accidentally lose their underwear in parking lots.
I felt like we had all lost a little of our naive innocence. But hey...isn't that what family vacations are all about?
(Stay tuned for the saga of the Lost Child and "How I Got Herpes on My Family Vacation".)
Friday, September 15, 2006
Say "Cheese"
J. on his first day of school. I don't think anyone would describe our kids as "camera shy". You whip out a camera and they pose!
My Baby...
This is our darling boy the night before he started kindergarten. We asked him to lay out his clothes and in true J. fashion, he set them out with creative flair. (Did you notice the socks are tucked in by the shoes?) He goes to school every day from 8:15-11:15 and not a day goes by that I don't stand on the front porch in my pajamas with wild bed head hair and wave frantically good-bye with a prayer in my heart that the world will be good to my boy and bring him home safely to me.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Poor People Can Read Too...
I love "free" offers. So this last month I sent in my coupon to receive a free copy of a brand new magazine called "Cookie". It was advertised as being a magazine that offered "all the best for your family". What it failed to mention was that it is all the best for your family if you happen to be REALLY, REALLY rich. I knew I was in trouble when I opened the cover and found a succession of ads for Ralph Lauren, Burberry, DKNY and Guess clothing for CHILDREN! Then it elaborated on the items the models on the front cover were wearing...the darling mother kneeling down on the dirty ground at the park snuggling with her child is wearing a fur-trimmed silk faille jacket by Prada ($3,555), a red henley ($306), stovepipe pants ($310), earrings ($2310), leather flats ($625), and carrying a heritage velvet brocade bag by Prada ($2140).
I'd like to contrast that with the outfit I am wearing.
Today I am wearing a black knit Tshirt from TJ Maxx ($8.00), a black knee length skirt from Old Navy ($12), underwear, a bra ($12.00), flip flops ($5.00) and carrying a faux leather purse that was given to me free by my neighbor. I'm sure my fossil watch cost around $65.00 and my husband won't tell me how much my wedding ring cost.
Even though I was painfully out of my league, I just had to keep reading.
Fun recipes for the kids included Almond butter and finger bananas on fruit bread, prosciutto, fried egg and parmesan on country bread, and oven-baked chicken and slow roasted tomatoes on a baguette. If you are looking for a fun getaway for your family, they recommended a surfing camp in Brazil. But then came my favorite article about the stresses of carpooling kids to school.
And I quote, "It's important to be honest when problems arise--but try to withhold judgment. If, for example, your kid tells you that Kelly's mom gave him a Twinkie, and you have a strict no-trans-fat rule, you can let it go or bring it up without sounding like a snack snob..." Ladies and gentlemen, I'm not bright enough, or skinny enough, to make these things up. If someone gave my kid a Twinkie in carpool I'd be licking the crumbs off his shirt when he got home. I don't buy Twinkies because I'd eat the whole box.
I really could go on and on. C. and I sat for about an hour one night marvelling at the strange lives some people live. We alternated between horror, strange fascination, and flat out hysterical laughing. We debated at the end if we should get a subscription just for the sheer entertainment value but we were afraid they would do a salary check to see if we were classy enough. Well, until I can figure out what prosciutto is and whether or not Wal-Mart sells baguettes, I may just have to lay in my Hello Kitty pajamas (Target, $14.00) on my donated couch (thanks Mo and Papa!) and dream!
I'd like to contrast that with the outfit I am wearing.
Today I am wearing a black knit Tshirt from TJ Maxx ($8.00), a black knee length skirt from Old Navy ($12), underwear, a bra ($12.00), flip flops ($5.00) and carrying a faux leather purse that was given to me free by my neighbor. I'm sure my fossil watch cost around $65.00 and my husband won't tell me how much my wedding ring cost.
Even though I was painfully out of my league, I just had to keep reading.
Fun recipes for the kids included Almond butter and finger bananas on fruit bread, prosciutto, fried egg and parmesan on country bread, and oven-baked chicken and slow roasted tomatoes on a baguette. If you are looking for a fun getaway for your family, they recommended a surfing camp in Brazil. But then came my favorite article about the stresses of carpooling kids to school.
And I quote, "It's important to be honest when problems arise--but try to withhold judgment. If, for example, your kid tells you that Kelly's mom gave him a Twinkie, and you have a strict no-trans-fat rule, you can let it go or bring it up without sounding like a snack snob..." Ladies and gentlemen, I'm not bright enough, or skinny enough, to make these things up. If someone gave my kid a Twinkie in carpool I'd be licking the crumbs off his shirt when he got home. I don't buy Twinkies because I'd eat the whole box.
I really could go on and on. C. and I sat for about an hour one night marvelling at the strange lives some people live. We alternated between horror, strange fascination, and flat out hysterical laughing. We debated at the end if we should get a subscription just for the sheer entertainment value but we were afraid they would do a salary check to see if we were classy enough. Well, until I can figure out what prosciutto is and whether or not Wal-Mart sells baguettes, I may just have to lay in my Hello Kitty pajamas (Target, $14.00) on my donated couch (thanks Mo and Papa!) and dream!
Monday, August 07, 2006
Skeletons in the Closet
*(Lest I seem a little overzealous in posting blogs this evening, I am merely getting around to taking them out of Microsoft Word and actually posting them. One of the hazards of having 3 computers that don't all do the same things...)
Ladies and gentlemen...I would like to take this opportunity to clean out my closet and get some things out in the open here. I'd like to have a frank, open talk about mental illness. Yes, sanity. Here in the good ole' state of "Everything is perfect" Utah, we seem to have a few hang-ups about what is what and what is NOT what regarding a host of things. Tonight I am choosing mental health. You may choose the topic tomorrow...
There is a difference between "bucking up" and getting on with life and suffering from a dehabilitating, crippling ailment that you can not simply solve by prayer and scripture reading. If a person was suffering from a terrible physical illness, you wouldn't simply pat them on the back and tell them they just needed to pray a little harder and attend a few more church meetings. You would get them to the doctor, get the necessary medications, and nurse them back to health. But why is it that so many times in our culture and society, we view mental illness as a "weakness" instead of a legitimate medical problem? I don't suffer from anxiety because I have committed any great sin or am failing to do something right. I don't pace the floors at night, lose my appetite and think I'm going to die because I'm not strong enough to just "snap out of it". I suffer from a general anxiety disorder that I am grateful does not have to control me. I am strong enough to admit that I need help. I am doing everything right in my life by seeing the people that I know have experience with this disorder, researching what treatments are available, and taking medication based on informed decisions that are right for me and my family. So...
Raise your hand if you are taking your meds every day and feeling better than you have in a long, long time?
Raise your hand if you are grateful for a person who was brave enough to recognize what you were going through and shared with you their struggles and experience so you would know you weren't alone in facing your monsters and you wouldn't feel this way forever?
So it is time to start looking at the people around you in a very different light. It is time to stop feeling like you have to hide your "secret" because someone might find out and think you aren't perfect! Until you have had the panic attack that sends you to the hospital or the depression that wipes out every bright thing in your life, don't judge. Be a lot more sympathetic, a lot more understanding, and a whole lot less critical.
So...does anyone else have a soapbox that needs standing on?
Ladies and gentlemen...I would like to take this opportunity to clean out my closet and get some things out in the open here. I'd like to have a frank, open talk about mental illness. Yes, sanity. Here in the good ole' state of "Everything is perfect" Utah, we seem to have a few hang-ups about what is what and what is NOT what regarding a host of things. Tonight I am choosing mental health. You may choose the topic tomorrow...
There is a difference between "bucking up" and getting on with life and suffering from a dehabilitating, crippling ailment that you can not simply solve by prayer and scripture reading. If a person was suffering from a terrible physical illness, you wouldn't simply pat them on the back and tell them they just needed to pray a little harder and attend a few more church meetings. You would get them to the doctor, get the necessary medications, and nurse them back to health. But why is it that so many times in our culture and society, we view mental illness as a "weakness" instead of a legitimate medical problem? I don't suffer from anxiety because I have committed any great sin or am failing to do something right. I don't pace the floors at night, lose my appetite and think I'm going to die because I'm not strong enough to just "snap out of it". I suffer from a general anxiety disorder that I am grateful does not have to control me. I am strong enough to admit that I need help. I am doing everything right in my life by seeing the people that I know have experience with this disorder, researching what treatments are available, and taking medication based on informed decisions that are right for me and my family. So...
Raise your hand if you are taking your meds every day and feeling better than you have in a long, long time?
Raise your hand if you are grateful for a person who was brave enough to recognize what you were going through and shared with you their struggles and experience so you would know you weren't alone in facing your monsters and you wouldn't feel this way forever?
So it is time to start looking at the people around you in a very different light. It is time to stop feeling like you have to hide your "secret" because someone might find out and think you aren't perfect! Until you have had the panic attack that sends you to the hospital or the depression that wipes out every bright thing in your life, don't judge. Be a lot more sympathetic, a lot more understanding, and a whole lot less critical.
So...does anyone else have a soapbox that needs standing on?
Life
As a child, I feared cancer. I didn't know anyone with cancer but I think I had read enough really sappy books to get all worked up about the possibilities. I started to write stories about people with cancer (Don't Stop Me Now, I'm On My Way) and I would lay awake in bed at night trying to figure out what I would do if I had cancer. When I got my period for the first time, I thought I was dying of cancer and dreaded having to tell my mom that her first born child had only days to live. Every time I got a headache or cough, I was convinced it was cancer. Growing up really hasn't tamed the fear a whole lot...but interesting things are happening all around me.
Both my paternal grandparents suffered from various forms of cancer. My darling aunt passed away just recently after suffering from cancer. My sister-in-law is adapting to a life where she will never, ever be cancer free and is hoping that on-going chemotherapy treatments will keep the cancer at bay long enough for her to see her children grow up. My dear friend is in the middle of fighting a painful battle for the third time with lupus. The chemotherapy is causing her hair to fall out and she throws up all day long. I was talking to her on the phone today and said, "Don't you wish you could just go in to a coma and have someone wake you up when you are healthy and it is all over?" and before I finished the sentence she replied, "No! No! Because I would miss so many of the beautiful, tender, wonderful moments that are happening to me each day. I would miss the people who have been so incredibly kind and the tender mercies of the Lord. I feel things more passionately and get so emotional at the small things I witness in my life."
Her perspective has caused me to wonder at myself and my life all day.
I played with her children for a couple of hours this afternoon and they are as wonderful and strong and beautiful as their mother is. Through all the trauma, each of them is being blessed in strange, amazing ways. Suddenly in the middle of the horror, I see some of the beauty that comes in the refiners fire. Our lives are blessed in ways that we can't begin to fathom. I'm not mature enough to say that I can accept all that happens to me with a positive, cheerful spirit but I can see how some of the trials I've had have truly blessed my life. My friend and sister-in-law are true heroes and I feel blessed to have their influence and beauty in my life. Because of what they are experiencing, I am learning to understand what is really important in life and what is not. I'm learning to savor more and complain less. I'm learning to sit quietly more often and hold my children longer.
I'm learning how to live better.
Both my paternal grandparents suffered from various forms of cancer. My darling aunt passed away just recently after suffering from cancer. My sister-in-law is adapting to a life where she will never, ever be cancer free and is hoping that on-going chemotherapy treatments will keep the cancer at bay long enough for her to see her children grow up. My dear friend is in the middle of fighting a painful battle for the third time with lupus. The chemotherapy is causing her hair to fall out and she throws up all day long. I was talking to her on the phone today and said, "Don't you wish you could just go in to a coma and have someone wake you up when you are healthy and it is all over?" and before I finished the sentence she replied, "No! No! Because I would miss so many of the beautiful, tender, wonderful moments that are happening to me each day. I would miss the people who have been so incredibly kind and the tender mercies of the Lord. I feel things more passionately and get so emotional at the small things I witness in my life."
Her perspective has caused me to wonder at myself and my life all day.
I played with her children for a couple of hours this afternoon and they are as wonderful and strong and beautiful as their mother is. Through all the trauma, each of them is being blessed in strange, amazing ways. Suddenly in the middle of the horror, I see some of the beauty that comes in the refiners fire. Our lives are blessed in ways that we can't begin to fathom. I'm not mature enough to say that I can accept all that happens to me with a positive, cheerful spirit but I can see how some of the trials I've had have truly blessed my life. My friend and sister-in-law are true heroes and I feel blessed to have their influence and beauty in my life. Because of what they are experiencing, I am learning to understand what is really important in life and what is not. I'm learning to savor more and complain less. I'm learning to sit quietly more often and hold my children longer.
I'm learning how to live better.
Mean Mom
My darling 3-year old got himself into a HEAP o'trouble a couple weeks back. I dragged him kicking and screaming onto his time out mat and then listened to him scream, "You're bad!" for the next 3 minutes at the top of his lungs. When time out was finally over and we went into the living room for a little "processing", he immediately threw himself into my arms and said, "Mom, I love you so much" and then he held my two cheeks in his hands and with a sugary sweet voice asked, "But why do you have to be so mean?"
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