Gotta Get Me Some

OK, so I'm obsessed with a couple of new things. Just want to see if there are any other "crazies" out there that can relate. Here is the list:



1) Wicked. Can't get enough of the CD. My children actually BEGGED in the car for something new but I told them until they had the lyrics memorized the CD wasn't going anywhere. Love tracks 11 and 18. You realize you can just about watch the entire Broadway show on YouTube? They are illegally taped making them a little grainy and jerky but for a poor Utah girl, I'll take what I can get. (Is some secret government agent going to show up on my door step and arrest me for admitting I'm watching bootlegged copies of Broadway shows??)

2) Fabulous dresses. The kind that make you swoon. Go check them out and then tell me which one is your favorite. I love them all...but this "Summer in Nice" I feel a strong connection with.
Shabby Apple



3) I found a place that has made me actually want to buy a new swim suit! Really. And I don't say that lightly. I'm not a girl that looks forward to seeing all her nakedness on display for the public but I could look forward to it a little more if I had me one of these fabulous suits...Cute Suits

4)
Need I say more? Her third book "Eclipse" is being released August 7th and if you absolutely can't wait a second more, then check out her website where the first chapter is posted. Just remember...no one promised Newbury award winning literature in these books. Just a little passion, suspense, intrigue, sexual tension, and living on the edge. I'm thoroughly entertained and that was all I expected. By the way, while I still like Edward, I'm secretly rooting for Jacob. I just think they have more interesting conversations!

5) Pedicures. Everyone needs one. Nothing like fun red toes to make it really feel like summer. Seeing naked toes sticking out of flip-flops looks obscene. Just bite the bullet and do it. If you're like me, getting it done once a year fulfills the need and I'm happy to hang on to whatever red polish is left on my toes for as long as I can.



6) If you’re looking for a convenient, on the go treat, look no further than Ben & Jerry’s single serve cups. With a spoon under the lid and five delicious Ben & Jerry’s flavors to choose from, these 3.6 oz. single serve treats are perfect for any occasion. Available in Cherry Garcia, Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, Chocolate Fudge Brownie, Vanilla, and Strawberry Cheesecake. (By the way, I just cut and paste this from their website. It's getting late and I just thought they said it so nicely. If you are having a crisis, don't mess with these single serve things. Go straight for the big container. But if you need a fix without the guilt, eat the whole single serve cup...plus it comes with a spoon UNDER THE LID! I just can't think of 2 men who make it easier and more convenient to be chubby!)

7) I'm reading all the books on the Children's Literature Association of Utah's nominee lists. There are 5 different categories and every time I go to the library, I try and check out one book from each category. THEN...you go return your books to the library and vote on each book. Those votes are what determine next year's winners. Very serious responsibility but FABULOUS books. Loving them all. Get your lists at the CLAU website

I could continue but I'm getting a little drowsy and J. just woke up the whole house with a leg cramp. I feel a little weird stopping on number 7 so I'm going to do one more...but this one is really just a personal one for my cousin MICHAEL STUBBS!

8) Love That Dog by Sharon Creech
It is a book all about the power of poetry! I loved this book and instantly thought of Mike. Jake has been reading it out loud to me and it has provoked some GREAT conversations about what poetry is and what it isn't, what it looks like and sounds like and different ways to write poetry. It's the fictional diary of an elementary school age kid named Jack who is given an assignment and lots of inspiration and encouragement from his teachers and discovers he has lots of interesting things to say. It's a great story! Someone tell Mike.

That's it. I'm beat. I'm off to bed with my red toes, Ben and Jerry's, a great book and visions of sweet dresses dancing in my head!

This week H. and I said good-bye to a cherished little piece of her childhood...the silver shoes. As seen in the picture above, it was way overdue but both of us have avoided the unpleasant task of throwing away something that has had a meaningful place in our hearts. For H., these shoes were a dream come true. They were sparkly, they had silver glitter, and they could pass for both "princess dancing shoes" and "ride down the hill on my firetruck using my toes as brakes" shoes. I have to say not many shoes fit both categories so perfectly. For me, they were true "girly" shoes. After having 2 boys, we hadn't seen many glitter shoes in this house. It represented the feminine side in our family and I loved their impracticality in a world that sometimes seems so sturdy and practical. But throwing away the shoes also presented some other hard cold facts for me.




H. is growing up. Her long, shiny golden curls aren't going to last forever. The hair growing in right now is pretty straight. Those curls that I love at the end of those big, fluffy pigtails are starting to change. I take pictures of her hair like some crazy, lunatic woman because I know it is short lived and her wild, unmanageable hair will someday be cut in to a more "big girl" hairstyle that is going to require some beauty school skill from her mom. I've been blessed with a girl whose hair pretty much does itself. There may be some rocky hair roads ahead for me. But oh... how I love my little girl's curls. They fit her.



This little girl is silly and funny and smart and sassy. Those things won't change. But they mature and her reaction to me will change. Right now I am the "cat's meow". She thinks I walk on water because I am tall enough to undo the latch on top of the refrigerator and I can color inside the lines and read books and drive a car and dance funny. Someday all those things are going to lose their charm and she is going to be a little harder to impress. I love that I can hold her on my lap and snuggle in bed with her and carry her on my hip. I will miss those things. Time moves much faster than I ever could have imagined.


A couple of days ago H. got out the sidewalk chalk and created a masterpiece on the driveway. She drew a self-portrait with lots of hair and arms and legs and eyes. She was so proud of her drawing and I was so amazed to see something emerge that I didn't know she could do. My children amaze me every day with their talents and abilities. I love seeing glimpses of the person she is starting to become. I am excited to be with her on this journey and share her adventures with her. I hope she will never be embarassed by me and my camera and all the jumping up and down and squealing I do when my kids do something really cool.


H. still insists on wearing her headbands across her forehead like an 80's disco queen. We still have a little growing up to do and I'm glad. When she comes out wearing really cool headbands on her forehead, I have to admit I feel a little sense of relief. It means she is still my little funny girl and reminds me that even though she changes before my eyes some days, she is still mine for a long time to come. We still have things to teach each other and learn from each other and there are still precious moments to cuddle and snuggle and be little.


Tonight I am feeling nostalgic about my children...especially H. She is the one that is changing so fast right now. I will always miss my "baby" but I look forward to celebrating all the wonderful things she is becoming. My dad always says that what he misses the most about his children is how they felt snuggled in his arms. I understand now what he means. I don't take enough time to appreciate who they are RIGHT NOW. I'm always looking forward to meal times with no spills and children who can wipe their own bums and people who can buckle themselves into a car seat all on their own. But I felt overwhelming sadness the first time M. did his own seat belt and the night J. kicked me out of the bathroom because he was big enough to give himself his own bath. The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence. Tonight I just want to lay in my own grass and appreciate how it smells and looks and feels...everything changes so fast...especially my little people.

Hob-Nobbing

I haven't been able to access my blogger account for days and days and days. Every time I have tried, it has kicked me out of the entire internet application. I find it so humiliating to be rejected by my computer. I just won't stand for it...except I am at the complete mercy of this out-dated piece of crap technology. It senses my fear and plays on it.

But that isn't what I was going to write about.

Today I attended a luncheon at the Governor's Mansion in Salt Lake City with Mary Kaye Huntsman (first lady of Utah), Gail Miller (wife of Larry H. Miller) and D. Wright (wife of Doug Wright...some KSL radio broadcaster person). I ate pasta with grilled chicken in a citrus sauce, a crunchy delicious roll with herbed butter, a fabulous dessert in a magnificent looking glass thing, and sipped ice-cold raspberry lemonade from a goblet. I used a cloth napkin and dabbed gently to avoid smearing my lipstick. I sat next to Kari Evans (wife of Richard Paul Evans who is a local author that writes books I've only ever heard of but never read!) who is a wonderful lady and she gracefully ignored the basil that I had stuck in my teeth for several minutes after eating the afore mentioned pasta for lunch. I wore shoes with a heel, shaved my legs and ironed my dress. Carrie Ann did my eye make-up AND watched my children for me. I even got to drive her fancy-schmancy car with the air-conditioning that is deliciously cold. It was a nice afternoon.

But I was way out of my league.

At one point, the host of a show called Studio 5 (never watched it but I guess it's a morning show on NBC here in Utah) asked me how I became a writer for Wasatch Woman magazine. I really didn't know what to say so I just gave her the truth. I moved in to a ward where I was assigned to visit teach a woman named Ganel-Lyn Condie. Ganel and I became really good friends and she started a magazine and I started writing a blog and we both attended the same book group. Ganel liked my blog and was desperate for some people to write for the magazine and I liked Ganel and was desperate for some diversion to add a little variety to my day and here we all are. I don't think it was the answer she was expecting.

Like I said, I was way out of my league.

I love writing for Wasatch Woman magazine. It has provided some really interesting opportunities and I have met some amazing people. But I still have to laugh when I play dress-up and go to "lunch" with people who have way more talent for going to lunch gracefully than I do. I've often wondered where my future will take me and what I will do when I really, truly grow-up. I know I still have many, many incredible, important, wonderful phases of life ahead of me and I can't wait to see where this whole journey leads. I really am grateful for all the people who have been and continue to be an inspiration and motivation for me. But I decided that wherever life takes me, I hope sweats and tennis shoes are the preferred dress standard and that a meal at McDonalds play land is appropriate for "lunch". I'm far more comfortable there.

And the Winner Is...

I had a fascinating conversation with M. the other day that went something like this:

M: Can I go over to Sister Ruchti's house to play today?
Me: Yes. She said you could come over and play today.
M: Sister Ruchti is the nicest mom.
Me: Yes, she is really nice.
M: And Sister Rose is the nicest mom too.
Me: Yes she is. But M., what about me? I want to be a nicest mom too.
M: You're nice.
Me: But I want to be the NICEST mom.
M: Mom, you have to be nice ALL the time to be that.
Me: Oh.

Nothing like a 4-year old to put you in place.

Racing the Ducks

Today we woke up to rain and wind and rain and wind. It is supposed to be June but it honestly felt like March. The monkeys and I spent the morning inside sleeping and wrestling on my bed. But before long, the rain and wind beckoned too loudly and my 2 boys threw open the door, donned their snow boots and rain jackets and raced out in to the elements. Little H., who does NOT believe in being left behind, raced through the house frantically yelling, "Help, Mom. Where is my rain jacket? Where are my boots? Hurry Mom!" and raced out to find her brothers. They had rescued all the yellow rubber duckies from the bathtub and were racing them down the street in the gutter. I sat from the safety of my front porch watching them. I didn't want to get wet. I didn't want to get cold...and I was still wearing my strawberry print pajamas. But before too long, the rubber duckies and rain racing down the street got the better of me and I threw on my coat and headed out in to the street.

We had a glorious time!

It poured down rain and we got deliciously wet chasing those rubber duckies. We had races to see whose duck was the fastest, whose duck was the slowest, and whose duck did the most somersaults. We made bridges with our legs and yelled "Ducks ahoy" at the top of our lungs to each other so we would know to catch the ducks before they hit the storm grate. We splashed each other in big puddles and jumped to see who made the biggest "splash" and sat on the sidewalk to empty our boots when they became too heavy with water. We giggled and laughed until my stomach hurt and I loved my kids so fiercely I thought I would never be able to stand it when this moment was over.

When all our noses were running and our hands were frozen, we came inside and each had a mug of our favorite flavor of hot chocolate with tiny marshmallows floating on top.

It was a perfect time...a moment I will savor for a long, long time to come.

On a Bicycle Built For Two

So my daughter and I tried out a friend's bike complete with child riding device on the back and while I wish I could say H. loved the feel of fresh air sweeping through her hair or the beautiful scenery assailing her every sense, I can safely assume that she didn't mind it too much. It sent her into such a deep sleep that stopping the bike, leaning it precariously against a garage door, and taking several pictures didn't interrupt her afternoon nap. Given how quickly and soundly it put her into this deep sleep, you can bet I stopped at Wal-Mart on the way home to get me one. The best $25.00 I've spent in a long time!

The Saga Continues...Greg Brady Part 3

My husband read my 2 previous posts and pointed out my failure to mention H. who has moved out of her room and in to the boy's "previous" bedroom. She sleeps on J.'s bed and somehow wakes up in the morning on M's bed. But she hasn't fallen out of bed once in the last week and she still maintains her "other" room for keeping clothes, books, and toys. See how confusing my life is? It is especially bad if I get up in the middle of the night to check on the kids and I can't remember where anyone is! Curse you Greg Brady!

Greg Brady...Part 2

I've had several people question how children wanting to go to bed at 7:30 p.m. and declaring their independence by wanting their own room is a bad thing. Well...let me clarify a few things.

For those of you that know any Oscarson, you know we all suffer from our own little versions of OCD. Some need to organize, others don't like miscellaneous hairs, and some need their houses to be free of super hero underwear in the living room. I manifest my OCD with an extreme need to have things filed away in plastic drawers and containers all over the house marked on the front in bold Sharpie marker with its contents. This move inspired by Greg Brady has thrown my world in to chaos. Matthew is sleeping on a foam pad in the living room where he has now moved his entire rolling cart of clothes AND added a laundry basket for his dirty clothes. While I applaud his resourcefulness and talent for putting dirty clothes in the right place, it is a little odd to have to usher guests, visiting teachers, home teachers, etc. pass the soiled underwear sitting in the living room.

Jake has moved his rolling plastic cart downstairs, added a laundry basket and continues to add an assortment of items to his "groovy new room". All their "hanging" clothes are upstairs in the "old" closet. Apparently there exists a fine line between rolling plastic cart clothes and hanging closet clothes and I didn't get the memo. Books are spread over 2 floors of the house (including library books from 2 different libraries) and I'm having trouble adjusting to not having things properly categorized. So...Greg Brady is disrupting my balance and stirring up my OCD. I'd love him if he were merely motivating my children to go to bed early...but he has wedged his irritating grooviness in to so much more.

And heaven help me when Matthew and Jacob see the whole Brady family riding donkeys down into the Grand Canyon and going to Hawaii and playing with poisonous insects! My life may never be the same.

Here's A Story...How Greg Brady is Ruining My Life

So...every day at 5:30 p.m., my two little boys put their lives on hold to watch "The Brady Bunch" on PBS. They each get a pillow for the couch, lay down in their special spots on the floor, and are comatose until the final "laugh" when they slowly return to consciousness and I can get them to talk to me again. Isn't it strange? I watched the Brady Bunch with a certain cult-like worship when I was young and now my children have found their way to the Brady house all on their own. What exactly is the appeal?

Anyway...today's episode was the one where Greg decides that because he is now a high school freshman, he deserves his own bedroom. He buys the vest with the fringe, the hip hugging striped bell bottoms, and big, dark sunglasses and turns his dad's "den" into his groovy bedroom. Are you with me? Do you remember this episode? Well, ole' Greg Brady lit a real bonfire under my boys because midway through the show they both jumped up and announced that they wanted their own rooms. They didn't even finish watching the episode before they had moved themselves out of the bedroom they share and in to their own "groovy" bedrooms (Jake has used that word more than a dozen times tonight and I'm starting to worry). Matthew moved himself in to the living room. He unrolled a huge foam camping pad, moved all his blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals, and brought 5 pairs of super hero underwear that he draped all over the big, blue armchair. He brought a pair of pajamas, some play clothes, and an extra pair of warm socks.

Jacob moved in to the guest room downstairs. He set up 5 library books against the night stand for some "night time reading", brought down all his bed stuff, his school uniform, his play clothes, some extra underwear, and decorated the night stand with plastic trees and dinosaurs. Both boys are sound asleep in their new digs. They couldn't WAIT to go to bed tonight. They were in jammies at 7:00 p.m. and begging for bed at 7:30 p.m. I hate Greg Brady. If my sons show up tomorrow morning with fringe and tight pants, I'm suing PBS.

Tonight at dinner Matthew asked us if he could get a car. Earlier today he told me he wanted a "motor scooter" so he could "get around easier". Just where on earth is my 4-year old having a hard time getting around to? And why are my kids growing up so fast?

They are now banned from PBS and the Brady Bunch.

"Hoppy" Easter Moments

Easter delights! Cute children in spiffy Easter outfits!















































We had a splendid Easter day! The kids woke up this morning eager to look for the easter baskets that the bunny had taken off the couch and hidden. C. had prepared a fun "treasure hunt" for them to follow which eventually led to the upstairs coat closet where the easter baskets were not only found, but loaded with goodies. I have to add a side-note...the $1.00 section at Target. We had bubbles to blow out of easter egg shaped bottles, pads of easter stickers, easter egg handle jump ropes, easter egg sidewalk chalk...it was an incredible stash for not much cash! (Hey, that rhymes!) Anyway, after devouring candy, blowing some bubbles, and letting breakfast get soggy, we put on our snazzy new Easter outfits and went to church. I don't mean to be shallow but the boys were wearing darling seersucker blue "suits" and they kept saying the funniest things. J. said he felt like he was a "21 year old man" and M. kept saying he felt like the "president of the United States". On our way to Carrie & Todd's house a little later in the day, J. strapped himself in his car seat and said, "Won't Carrie be surprised to see 3 Carr MEN instead of just boys today?" The suits had a powerful effect on their young psyches!

After a fabulous block of church meetings and an attempt at a nap, we headed for Carrie and Todd's house for more festivities. We had a delicious dinner with ham & lamb, scalloped potatoes & Mo's potato salad (Chris made the potato dishes and they were so, so yummy!), a delicious cole slaw salad, sugar peas, and other very tasty dishes. Papa, Chip & ML with kids, and our family all attended the feast and despite the fact that the kids were giving all the adults heartburn by jumping off furniture, stabbing each other with forks, and running around the room with food, it was wonderful.

After dinner, the men went outside to hide all the easter eggs (because it is obvious from the description above that what our kids needed was a little more sugar!). It was sweet to see Papa hiding eggs out in the yard. I stood and watched him from the window as I remembered watching my own Grandpa Oscarson hiding dozens and dozens of Easter eggs in his yard on 1 Devondale Lane in St. Louis. That tradition of hunting for eggs at Grandpa & Grandma Oscarson's home every spring was now being played out for MY children by their grandfather. I saw the same joy and delight on my father's face as he hid the eggs and then ran around the yard with his grandchildren helping the little ones find the specially hidden eggs. I felt so grateful for the amazing gospel plan and for the grand circle of our lives. Truly what we put out in the world comes back to us in strange, wonderful ways! I love seeing the traditions and memories that have nourished and sustained me being passed on in sweet ways to MY children. I missed my Grandpa & Grandma and the image of them sitting on their porch watching the grandkids and seeing my Grandpa trying to keep a tally of how many eggs had been found and how many were still out there. It was always a treat to find the missing easter eggs later in the year, still hiding in unexpected places all over the yard.









































The kids were not daunted by the black clouds hovering over the mountains or the cold breeze whipping in from over the lake...I'm not sure they even noticed.

After all the loot had been found and accounted for, the kids headed back in to examine the goodies and devour whatever they could before the adults noticed.



















While the children devoured their candy, the adults ate some decadent, multi-layered chocolate cake decorated with jelly beans and purple bunny Peeps with some of Todd's amazing homemade ice-cream...available in a regular or a custard. Both were divine. It was a splendid day.

During sharing time today, our music person talked about different members of her family that had passed away and after telling us a little bit about the person and why she loved them, we sang a primary song that the person had loved or that reminded our choirister of them. Then she talked about the resurrection and how she looked forward with a joyful heart to the reunion she would have with each and every person who was beyond her mortal vision now but deeply buried in her eternal vision and perspective. Today really was a day to celebrate. It was a day to celebrate my family...grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins. It was a day to celebrate Alice Rose and her new place in our family. It was a day to celebrate Grandma and Grandpa Oscarson, Aunt Boo, Aunt Ruthy and all the other amazing members of our family who are not with us but are never lost to us. It was a day to celebrate the Savior and the amazing gifts he has given us. I am so grateful for eternal nature of our lives and for the ways we are all connected to each other. It was truly a day to celebrate!

Click on the picture of Matthew and see a complete slideshow of the Easter festivities.
"Hoppy" Easter

Fast Forward

One night M. decided to see what it was like to come home from work like Dad. He put on Dad's coat, the glasses, the shoes and headed out to the car on the driveway. I watched from the window as he played out the whole scenario from car to front door where he then entered with a "Hi honey, I'm home" which I'm not sure in 8 years of marriage Chris has ever come in and said. And then he stood there and waited. I said, "Matt, what are you waiting for?" and he said, "Some cookies" and I laughed and wondered what little fantasy land he has been living in. But there is no one who seizes a moment better then my 4-year old. Every day is truly filled with a plethera of adventures just waiting to happen.

Today he and Jake and Hannah were Ninja Turtles with plastic forks as their weapons and some pretty strange ninja moves.

Tonight they were "Puss in Boots" fighting with plastic swords in snow boots and singing "I'm holding out for a hero til' the end of the night" at the top of their lungs. Some days they are whatever they find at the bottom of the costume barrel.

Sunday I was Cinderella in a retelling of the classic fairy tale with Chris as the "godfather", Jake as the king, and Matthew as the prince...I don't write the stories, I just get told what to do. I wore a pink flamingo hat to the ball and apparently I was a hit because the prince jumped back on his hobby horse and said he was riding away to the castle to get some stuff for the wedding. After about 5 minutes of waiting, I asked if he was done and he said, "Mom, just be patient. Cinderella's house is really far away from the castle." I laid on the couch and had a little shut-eye.

Last night Matt was in charge of the activity for Family Home Evening and he had us all go down to the basement to be Ninja Turtles and fight out a great battle. I got a green light saber, the pink flamingo hat, and tried some pretty crazy martial arts moves. I didn't win the battle but I sure got an adrenaline rush.

Wanna come over and play some time?

Happiness Is...

Happiness is the mail man ringing your doorbell one boring day and discovering a great, big, unexpected package sitting on your front porch. You rip the box open with so much gusto that the entire box falls apart and there sitting on your kitchen counter on 3 furry, fuzzy new friends that are each lovingly claimed and have provided HOURS of entertainment. Jake claimed the Philadelphia Chicken that he calls "Philadelphia", Matthew adopted the dog that he calls "Train-ee" (did you click the link so you understand where all this is coming from?), and Hannah has adopted the pink pig that she calls "Pink Pig" (so obviously we are big Boynton fans and own all the CD's). They eat at the table with us, they sleep in my children's beds at night, they dance, sing, do gymnastics, and even have to go to time-out sometimes when they get in to the cookies sitting on the counter. Who knew that 3 stuffed animals could bring so much happiness to this house?!

Thanks Em for the greatest mail delivery to hit our house in months!

I am a Snapdragon What Flower Are You?

I don't know if I really want to be a snapdragon. I wanted to be a tulip. I wonder what questions I would have to manipulate in order to be a red tulip?! Oh well. Happy first day of spring.

Illuminating Moment

So my whole life I thought I wanted to be an author until I attended a 3-day writing symposium last summer and realized I didn't want to BE an author, I wanted to be an editor. But then some time passed and I realized that wasn't ENTIRELY true.

I really love to write and this month I am being published for the FIRST time! Published AND paid...how 'bout that? I have been asked to write a permanent column/article for a local magazine here in Utah called "Wasatch Woman". My bi-monthly article is called "Good Reads" and will focus on books in a variety of genres. This month the article focuses on 5 of my favorite picture books.

I'm a little giddy.

The magazine has only been around for a little over a year so it is very new but has good prospects so I must insist you get a copy (or at least pick one up and read it while waiting in the check-out line at the grocery store!).

I realized driving in the car today that what I love writing about are all the many incidents in life where "truth is stranger than fiction". I love memoirs and anecdotes and getting inside people's heads and trying to understand what really is happening there. This is what I feel passionate about writing. I don't want to make up stuff because nothing fictional coming out of my head could possibly be more interesting than all the stuff that happens around me every day. And I'm here to tell you...there are some weird people out there with interesting stories to tell. Like the lady today at the pool who had this to say:

Lady: Excuse me, is that your ball?

Me: Oh no, my daughter just found it in the pool. Is it yours?

Lady: Yes, it belongs to my son. He is 2 years old and has all kinds of sensory motor problems and autism and maybe even a little bit of ADHD.

Me: Oh.

Lady: Yeah, his brothers are swimming around the lazy river with him and boys are just so crazy and I hope they don't drown him.

Me: Yeah. Well, thanks for letting us play with the ball.

I looked at my sister-in-law and she looked at me and we both watched this lady swim off to go find her son being drowned by his brothers in the lazy river. Really...I could not make this stuff up.

Anyway, this has been a random post. I must be tired and I have lots of pool water still splashing around behind my eyes and in my ears. Good night!

Vampires

My dear, sweet readers...you are going to have to trust me on this one. It is going to take a great deal of faith to go do what I am about to ask you to do but I need you to press forward and be courageous. You will not be disappointed...or if you are, then I cannot not help you and I urge you to seek professional help.

I have just finished reading 2 books that have provided some SERIOUS entertainment and engrossing reading. I just spent an entire day at a BYU symposium listening to the fabulous author speak about her books and the experience of writing them. They are Young Adult books so I'm not advocating because they are deep and life-changing. I am urging you to read them because they are utterly fascinating, very well-written, and totally "neglect your life so you can devour the books" good. They are TWILIGHT and NEW MOON
by Stephenie Meyer .

Now I must utter another warning...do not read the back of the book. You will wrinkle your nose in disgust and give a little "ugh" and be tempted to walk away. But you must not.

Because I was going to this author symposium, a friend loaned me these two books so at least I could do a little reading and figure out who this author was (I was familiar with the other 2 authors at the conference but not her). My friend went on and on and on about these books and because I was in the middle of reading another book for a book club, I set them aside. Now my husband, who is not a "voracious" reader of novels, must have picked them and read the back where the word "vampire" and "blood sucking" appear and he started reading the first book. He DEVOURED it! Found it on his night stand, in the bathroom, and frequently saw it traveling around the house tucked under his arm. Then to my utter amazement, he picked up the sequel and read that one as well. It didn't take long once I opened TWILIGHT to get sucked in as well.

The author is a BYU graduate, mother of 3, living in Phoenix Arizona where she had never really done much writing or had anything published and then one night had a vivid dream that she woke up and had to write down. It became one of the scenes in the book that started the whole thing. Check out her website then go check out the books.

Be warned...they are young adult fiction and it is a fascinating love story but you do have to wade through a few scenes of teenagers looking into each others eyes and saying things like, "What are you thinking?", "No, what are YOU thinking?" but stay with it. There is NO sex, NO language, NO gratuitous anything...go get them and read them.

Then blog and let me know what you think...

Happy Birthday Sweet Friend!

This post is dedicated to my sweet, darling, sassy, gutsy, beautiful friend who is not only celebrating her 36th birthday today but is also celebrating being done with another round of chemo.

I just talked to her on the phone tonight and hung up feeling so grateful for the gift she is in my life. I love her passion for life and her determination to press forward in the face of darkness. I love her willingness to celebrate all the small and big moments of life that need more celebrating in most of our lives. I love that she is my friend.

Happy birthday amazing girl! Thank you for letting me share a small part of this wonderful day with you!

Ages 3-6

I was sitting in my daughter's room the other day playing with her and a box of big plastic cookies, ice-cream cones, and cupcakes. We had been playing for about 40 minutes when I started yawning and had to lay down on the floor for a little "rest". I have to admit...I was really, really bored. As the thought hit my conscious mind, I begin to feel the first intimations of "guilty mommy complex" when my eye caught hold of the box the toy had come in. It said, "Appropriate for children 3-6 years of age" and suddenly everything changed. Why was I feeling guilty that I was bored playing with a toy that was clearly intended for children ages 3-6? If I was thoroughly enjoying this whole thing, there would be something really wrong. I'm 36 years old for crying out loud! Ha. I didn't have to feel guilty. I could pat myself on the back for intently and enthusiastically playing with plastic bakery food with my 2 year old for 40 whole minutes. And my mother's mantra right now to help alleviate my feelings of play inadequacy is, "I never played with you kids and you all turned out alright!" And so we did.

I really am trying to play with my kids more and to really be right there in the moment rather than being there physically but drifting somewhere else mentally. There are precious few years that they will be clamboring for our time and attention and then far more years where we will be running after them begging for a little time and attention. I have to remember that. Sometimes it's hard in the middle of Rescue Heroes or "Hey mom, pretend you are the baby and I'm the dad and you have to go to time out because you are in trouble" games. But I am learning to only buy my kids toys that have a high "parent" interest factor and to remember that I can involve them more in things that are interesting to me too.

Matter of fact...J. sat down on the computer next to me tonight and started typing a story. It is called "Rat" and the first sentence says, "Rat is fat". I can't wait to see where this adventure leads...

Sandra Boynton Jewelry

Is this unbelievable? Go check this out:

It is Boynton JEWELRY! (Am I spelling that word that means "shiny things" wrong?) And by the way...I'd like the "Administer chocolate immediately" bracelet. Thank you for your kindness.

Stay-At-Home Mom

Is it just me or are these 3 of the cutest kids you have ever laid eyes on? I am so charmed by them that sometimes it is hard not to just sit and stare at them. I love playing games with J. or tickling M. with his big growly laugh, or having a "hot chocolate" party with H. with her little cups and teapot. I love when they are all silly and happy and playing with each other. Having 3 little, little people is hard, hard work. And having 3 little people who are very stubborn and independent and opinionated almost makes me crazy some days but then something will happen and I'll forget the frustration and be completely in love with them again. I've never, ever worked so hard in my entire life! Not when I was working 40+ hours a week or going to graduate school or going to school or doing internships or whatever! I feel like I get out of bed every morning and I'm running until I lay down at night...and even then I find myself sometimes getting up (depending on who let M. watch Scooby Doo or if J. got his hands on a glass of water before bed!) Sometimes I feel like all I do is feed, wipe bums, clean, do dishes, do laundry, clean some more, get more snacks, and I HAVE to be sure to wear a different outfit each day or it starts to all feel like the same day. And then you get up the next day and do it all over again. And yet in all the mundane and nitty-gritty, there is something magical. There must be...because I keep doing it. There is something deep down inside of me that tells me I'm part of something really amazing, something really fantastic. There is something that tells me to keep having faith and trusting in the promises I see in my 3 little people and the blessings of the Lord. Something propels me to do one more load of laundry, clean one more bathroom, and read "Knufflebunny" to M. one more time. And sometimes at night when it is very quiet and everyone is asleep, I lay awake and panic because time moves so quickly and my little children are growing up and every day that passes is one less day with their chubby cheeks and adoring kisses and funny comments. Every night represents one less day with my 3 children around me where I know they are safe and I know what they are doing and I don't have to worry about things out there that don't have their best interest at heart. Being a mother is a tough job...whether it is hating the housework or loving your children so much it hurts. I am grateful for this job that is teaching me so much about myself and others. I still have quite a ways to go before "retirement"...what a journey it is!

Hello New Year! Am I Late?

I haven't posted for so long. Here is why:

1) I was running a preschool for 10 very small children. We made lots of stuff with glitter and put on a play called "The Gingerbread Baby" where they each got to choose what character they wanted to be when chasing the cookie. We had Spiderman, 2 Cinderellas, a spider, a cowboy, a horse, a wizard, and a couple of other things I can't remember. It was chaotic and hilarious.

2) I was trying to figure out how to organize 134 kids and 50 adults into a functioning primary. We had a "Teacher Breakfast", 2 musical numbers in the ward Christmas program, and a "Meet Your Teacher Breakfast" and in between we had to change things a million times and hold a million meetings and stay awake lots of nights stressing.

3) Christmas. Presents, cards, wrapping, cookies to the neighbors, decorating, out of town visitors, etc.

4) My husband's parents came home from their mission to New Zealand and 8 of the 9 siblings in my husband's family came in to town for the event. (They did NOT all stay here!)

5) Out of town visitors staying here (but not all of them).

6) A Christmas "Journey Around the World" class party for my son's kindergarten class (actually, both sessions of the kindergarten. Still not sure how I got roped into that...) And why did I volunteer to be in charge?

7) Lots of playing and frolicking with family and loved ones.

8) Strep throat (my son) and lots of congestion and colds.

9) An anxiety attack

10) A baby shower for a lady in the ward who just adopted 2 darling children after waiting years and years for kids. Invited the whole ward...nothing like putting your house under scrutiny at Christmas time. Worried the whole evening that there was a pair of poopy underwear somewhere or a soggy diaper under the couch!

My new year's goal to learn how to balance my life. There are SO many good, wonderful, magnificent opportunities out there waiting to be grasped but not all at the same time. If I hear of something wonderful, I grab it without stopping to assess where it will fit in to the grand scheme of my life and how it will affect those I love. There is the tricky part...you don't want to squeeze out the BEST part of your life with a bunch of little things that in the end don't add up. I dropped preschool. This is HUGE for me. I agonized over it for weeks but in the end it had to be about my family and me. And I have to admit that it has given me back a HUGE part of my life that I didn't realize had gone MIA. I'm sleeping more than 5 hours a night, I don't feel constant irritation and frustration, and I have more time to devote to the little people that really need me. I'm learning how to say "no". That isn't really true but I'm thinking about how to say "no".

I realize there is a time and season to all parts of life and part of being a grown up is recognizing that some great opportunities need to wait. That is hard for me but trying to do it all at once really messes things up. I feel like if I'm not running around like crazy being involved in every thing means I'm not making the contribution I could be making. And I like being involved. There are so many things I love and so many things that fascinate me and make me curious. But I don't want to wake up one day and realize the most interesting and precious things to me have grown up and moved away.

So 2007 will be the year to slow down and "delete". It will be the year to savor the minutes of every day...good and bad. It will be the year to blog more and stress less. I want to sit back on December 31, 2007 and instead of wondering if Valium could be administered in an IV every night while I sleep, think back on all the things I didn't miss because I chose to really be there...body and spirit.

Here is to hopes and wishes and good intentions! Cheers!

Carr Family Christmas Letter 2006

Many of you are going to receive a "hard copy" of this whole post in the mail. So if you want to reserve any of the suspense, stop reading now. For those of you that don't get the letter, please don't take it personally. I ran out of Wal-Mart xmas cards and stamps.

Enjoy.

December 2006
Dear Family & Friends,
Merry Christmas! It really feels like I was just writing a Christmas letter…the days can seem like an eternity but the weeks and months fly by! It has been a year of adventures, amazing memories, trials, challenges and untold joy! We truly wouldn’t have it any other way!
The year started with Chris and I dropping our 3 darlings off in California to spend a week with their aunt, uncle and cousins while Chris and I went to Hawaii to attend my brother Spencer’s wedding. My ENTIRE family (all 7 siblings with spouses and some extended family) were able to attend and it was unbelievable! Snow cones, sea turtles, magnificent scenery and uninterrupted nights of sleep…perfect.
In October we got crazy and took the whole family to Disneyland. After losing M. for 30 minutes, scaring J. to death on Splash Mountain, and watching H. melt down from sheer fatigue, I called my mom on my cell phone and told her “If this is the happiest place on earth, then shoot me now!” Needless to say, the hard moments passed and the remainder of our time in Anaheim was spectacular! I loved being away from the chaos of our daily lives and just being together as a family.
In between the big adventures we are enjoying life’s daily adventures. J. (5) started kindergarten this year at a charter school here in American Fork. He LOVES school and I love uniforms that match and don’t have superheroes on the front! He still loves to do any kind of “project” and has become quite an athlete playing Tball and soccer this year. He is a great big brother & oldest child!
M.(4) started preschool this year in our basement with his mom as his teacher. I really thought I could handle 10 children in my basement having a wonderful social, emotional, and academic experience…if constant wrestling and fighting over fairy wings and Rescue Heroes, crying over bags of snacks, getting play dough and paint ground into the carpet and spending endless amount of time learning to cut a line with a pair of scissors fits the above description, then maybe it is going better than I think. I am learning so much…I don’t know if M. would say the same but we are definitely having a grand adventure together! M. has an amazing imagination and sense of humor. He keeps us laughing!
H.(2) loves to wear “ballerina” skirts, carry a purse, and talk on the phone to Sleeping Beauty. She is all girlie -girl and we love it! The boys are utterly fascinated by the world of girls and I find them watching “Barbie and the 12 Dancing Princesses” more than Hannah does! She is totally independent, stubborn, sassy and sweet!
Chris continues to work at Imagine Learning, leads the Webelos in weekly adventures, and keeps our family all sane and together. He mops floors, changes diapers, tells great stories to the kids, and is truly adored by his wife and children.
I am still Primary President, teaching preschool and working at J.’s school and still haven’t learned how to balance my life and say “no”. Some things don’t change year to year.
We are so grateful for the love, support and friendship we share with each of you. Our relationships are our greatest JOY and grandest ADVENTURES. We are especially grateful at this time of year for the joy we celebrate in our Savior’s birth and life. We hope each of you feel that Spirit and our love this season!

How I Got Herpes at Disneyland

I've had a few requests for closure to a previous entry that mentioned contracting herpes on my family vacation. It went like this...

On our 10 hour drive to California, I started to notice an insatiable need for chapstick. Not just a "Hey, could you pass the chapstick when you have a minute" but a "clawing through the car like a heroin addict looking for the tube of mosturizer to get their next high" kind of feeling. My lips were SO dry and tingly and weird feeling. It was a little strange but we were driving through the desert so I dismissed it as being a severely dehydrated condition.

A couple of days later the blisters came on. And then I woke up one morning and my lips were huge and swollen WITH the oozing blisters that would pop and drip down my chin. Chris thought it was funny that we were in California and I looked like I had received a really botched up Botox job. J. told me I looked like the sea crustacean from Pirates of the Caribbean. I was walking around Disneyland with a wad of napkins to wipe the ooze, hand sanitizer and wipies to prevent spreading the infection and tubes of lip stuff to try and ease the pain and discomfort. I finally broke down one morning and called my mom. I told her to goggle my systems and see what came up. Moments later she had an article that perfectly described all my symptoms. "Mom, that's it! That's it! What does it say?" to which my mom replied, "Oh, you have herpes simplex. Don't kiss anyone. It is highly contagious!" I felt so unclean.

I don't know how I got herpes. I only kiss one person on the lips and 3 people on the cheek. I don't touch drinking fountains or kiss anything in public places but now I watch the ads on TV for pills that control your herpes outbreaks with serious interest and concentration. My outbreak lasted a FULL 10 days and was so awful there are no words to describe it.

So...does anyone want a big slobbery kiss?

Everyone Needs An Aunt

On Friday night I drove the kids to Macy's Department Store to see their Aunt Carrie and meet their Aunt ML for the annual "fragrance" event. There really is nothing else my children love more than their aunts and uncles and cousins and grandmas and grandpas! We are so fortunate to be surrounded by so many of these people and I am here to tell you...don't underestimate your power and influence in any one of these roles. My children see their aunt Carrie and ML pretty regularly but every time is a thrill for my kids. They get all giddy and excited and want to hold their hands and walk with them and talk their ears off and tell them everything and ride in their cars and give them hugs and kisses. I watched my children clambor for their aunts attention and I am so, so grateful for sweet, kind, gentle women who love and adore my children. You see, these aunts make my children feel like the most important people in the world. These aunts act just as excited to see their niece and nephews as they are to see them. Even though they have been caring for their own children and working hard all day they still kneel down and listen and love them. They hold their hands and show them cool Christmas decorations and ride the escalator. They let all 3 ride in their mini van even though it means giving up precious "alone" time. I just can't tell you how beautiful the few minutes we all spent together that evening were. I walked across the parking lot to my car with my heart overflowing with gratitude not only for my children, but for the amazing people who are helping me raise my children. The influence of these people in my family (both sides!) is priceless. They will be able to touch and influence my children in ways that I can't. I will continue to need their help and support and I recognize that I could never do this job alone.

So 3 cheers for all the uncles, aunts, cousins, and grandparents who are riding escalators, letting kids push the buttons in elevators, and changing the lives of every little person around them! I love you!

Quote of the Day...

This morning J. went and tackled his Dad in bed to wake him up. As they were wrestling, J. suddenly sat up, sniffed the air and said, "Dad, your breath smells like the snake house at the zoo!"

Aren't children subtle?

More Unsolicited Recommendations

I am a total book junkie. Serious addict. Mostly children's picture books, some young adult fiction. And a kind commentor made the tragic mistake of asking me for a few suggestions regarding books for babies. I will try to limit myself to my top choices. But if the list is not long enough, I'd be happy to suggest my life away. I love books.

My Top Reading List for Babies, Toddlers, and Other Helpless Dependents:

1) What Shall We Do With the Boo Hoo Baby? (Cressida Cowell)

2) Five LIttle Ladybugs (Melanie Girth and Tony Griego)
[Many variations on this theme are also available and they are all darling but the ladybugs are my personal favorite!]

3) Kiss Good Night! (Amy Hest & Anita Jeram) [There is a whole series of "Sam" books and they are all wonderful. I am very much attached to darling Sam bear from this book. Collect all the books. They are warm and beautiful and perfect for snuggling. My daughter's bedroom is decorated around 4 prints from this book.]

4) Olivia (Ian Falconer) [My most favorite pig. She is hilarious and endearing and my whole laundry room is done with Olivia the pig. I even own the tea set...]

5) 3 board books by Leslie Patricelli...Quiet/Loud, Big/Little, Yummy/Yucky [These 3 books are a MUST HAVE! From the time H. was little, she would gleefully join in on these books. They are so funny!]

6) Don't Let The Pigeon Drive the Bus (Mo Willems) [My children laugh themselves silly every time we read this book!]

7) Knufflebunny (Mo Willems) [This is my darling M.'s favorite book!]

8) Sandra Boynton: every board book she has ever written. Children simply will not grow up normal if they have not properly been indoctrinated by her board books from birth.

9) Where the Wild Things Are (Maurice Sendak)

10) The Very Hungry Caterpillar (Eric Carle)

11) Counting Kisses (Karen Katz)

12) Good NIght, Gorilla (Peggy Rathmann): Be prepared. If you choose to introduce this book, you will be reading it 15 times a day for at least a year.

13) Brown Bear, Brown Bear What Do You See? (Eric Carle)

14) Polar Bear, Polar Bear, What Do You Hear? (Eric Carle)


Oh my goodness. Have I said too much? If you owned these 13 million books, you would never leave your comfy chair and you would be in reading heaven all your days.

Read to your children every day for at least 20 minutes. That single act alone will change your child's world.

Paradise Found!

Last Thursday, I boarded a plane bound for Manchester, NH where a rental car was waiting to whisk me off through the fabulous fall foliage to Portland, Maine.

I was invited to accompany a friend on her much needed "mom getaway". Due to her husband's immense traveling and thereby immense accumulation of frequent traveller points, we were able to take this trip without paying for airfare, hotels, or rental car. Truly amazing. Even more amazing that I was invited to share the generosity and go along.

We left Thursday afternoon. At the airport, we stocked up on trashy celebrity magazines and boarded the plane where we quickly settled in for a long, childless plane ride. The ginger ale tasted sweeter, the snacks were extra good, and we talked, analyzed, therapized (is that a word?), laughed, giggled, and played the whole way. After finding our rental car, we drove about 90 minutes to our hotel in Portland where we were greeted by warm cookies, cool bottles of water, 2 double beds with feather pillow top mattresses, real feather comforters, and crisp, soft white sheets. The bed even had a throw pillow with "Sweet Dreams" embroidered across the front. The next morning we had "complimentary tickets" for the breakfast buffet downstairs and I'm not talking a bagel and some crusty cream cheese. I'm talking scrambled eggs, hash browns, bacon, sausage, fruit buffet, pastries buffet, etc. etc. I actually swiped 2 jars of jam because they were seriously so little and cute. And this was just the first 12 hours...

This trip was so therapeutic to my soul. There is something about the wild ruggedness and sheer breathtaking beauty of the east coast that really touches my spirit in a powerful way. We saw white lighthouses that reached into the deep blue sky. Lakes and rivers and ocean with pounding surf and wild waves. We ate haddock with newburg sauce in a charming local restaurant called The Lobster Shed. We drove through magnificent trees with colors you can't even imagine. We touched the cold Atlantic Ocean and marvelled on our knees at the beautiful things growing in tide pools. We shopped at little antique shops, took a million pictures on a million beautiful stone bridges in front of white steepled churches in quaint, quiet, beautiful towns and villages. We got lost a million times and didn't worry about being found. We talked about husbands, children, marriages, dreams, disappointments, frustrations, joys, and hopes. We told stories about high school, old boyfriends, rainy wedding days, rebellious teenage days and found memories we both thought we had lost. We drank lots of caramel hot apple cider from Starbucks and never took for granted a single old stone New England home. I found myself standing still in lots of different places with my eyes closed and breathing deeply, feeling like something inside me was being filled that had been empty for some time. I don't know what that empty place was...maybe it was missed moments of quiet and solitude. Maybe it was finding the things that are so beautiful and magnificent to me that they take my breath away. Maybe it is how the air smells or the sound the leaves make or how seagulls sound flying above the water. It was precious time.

Every woman needs time like this. Taking a trip like this was truly a precious gift from a dear, wonderful friend. It is a tradition that I hope to replicate every year. With all that I love and hold dear, I needed 4 days to reconnect with myself and with my life. I didn't spend one moment thinking about teaching preschool or planning a primary program or worrying about sharing time or stressing about house cleaning or child raising, or any of the other things that fill my life on a day to day basis. For 4 days I thought about different things, new things, and played with new ideas. When I came home, I ready to face my challenges and joys with new perspective. I have had moments that have been difficult and where I have longed to sit on the rock in Cape Elizabeth, Maine and just be still but I also have a profound joy that I have a life filled with magnificent people and opportunities. It is a balancing game and I'm still a novice.

To Tonya...thank you from the bottom of my heart.

To Chris...thank you for being a husband who sincerely tries in every way to understand and support me. Thank you for watching our children and making this possible.

To Mo and ML and CeliAnne...thank you for loving my children and being willing to take them on. You helped in very meaningful ways to make this opportunity possible.

And to all the women who carry heavy burdens every day...remember to stop and rest and close your eyes and breathe deeply. Rest. Be still.

Support the Arts!

Tonight my little family had a fabulous experience. We attended a musical at the Children's Theatre of Salt Lake City entitled "The Stinky Cheese Man". It is a little tiny theater located on 600 South State Street in Salt Lake City that didn't look like a whole lot from the outside but was really amazing on the inside. It is a whole theater company dedicated to providing quality plays and musicals for children and their families. It is geared FOR children and they did a fantastic job. Everything about the entire show was very professional and extremely well-done...the costumes, the scenery, the talent, the singing, the acting...etc. My husband and I took our 5 year old and 4 year old and they both had a great experience. Even the refreshments at the Cafe were all based around the play...Foxy Loxy brownie sundae, Stinky Cheese Man grilled cheese sandwich on Red Hen Home Made Bread, Frog Prince dessert...it was a truly wonderful evening. My little children had the opportunity to go and have a real "live theater" experience. J. sat on the edge of his seat most of the play and laughed in all the right places. Where else would a theater not only welcome small children but embrace the enthusiasum only a child could have for silliness and drama. The show lasted 90 minutes (including the intermission), was fast paced, dialogue and story line appropriate for the audience it was targeting. Truly a magnificent show!

I am so grateful to make a fabulous discovery like this. And I am always terrified it won't last. These theaters and groups need to be important to the public and people need to make a conscious effort to support local organizations who are reaching out to children and families in a positive way. When individuals make a conscious decision about what is important to them in their community and seek to show support for these groups, it can have a very positive, very powerful impact.

So get on the internet and start exploring what is waiting to be discovered right around the corner from you.

And if you ever come for a visit to Utah, I know a great little place where we can catch an excellent show...

Another Side-Note...

I'm looking for a rich benefactor to buy me things that I can't afford. I'd like to start with the following list of incredible picture books:

1) Olivia Forms a Band (Ian Falconer)
2) Dooby Dooby Moo (Doreen Cronin & Betsy Lewin)
3) Bats at the Beach (Brian Lies)
4) Fancy Nancy (Jane O'Connor)
5) Don't Let the Pigeon Stay Up Late (Mo Willems) [ANYTHING by Mo Willems is hilarious and creative and divine. Try "Knufflebunny" and "Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus". True classics in this house!]
6) Flotsam (David Wiesner)
7) Library Lion (Michelle Knudsen)
8) Chowder (Peter Brown)
9) G is for One Gzonk! An Alpha-Number-Bet Book
10) Grumpy Gloria (Anna Dewdney)
11) Mommy? (new pop-up book by Maurice Sendak...GREAT Halloween book...I just bought this one so don't get me this one!)
12) The Boy of Steel: A Baseball Dream Come True (Ray Negron)
13) The Greatest Power (Demi)
14) Duck and Goose (Tad Hills)
15) Eats, Shoots, and Leaves (Lynne Truss)

Seriously, if you are rich, this puny list is nothing. Please send right away.

Thank you for you kind attention to my needs.

Just A Side-Note...

I just finished reading one of the best books I have read in a really long time. It was loaned to me by a friend and I have to admit that the beat up cover did not motivate me to pick the book up for several weeks...but once I did, I've truly been engrossed in it for the past few days. The book is called "So Big" by Edna Ferber. It is a very memorable pulitzer prize winning novel from decades ago. The language and writing in the story are exquisite and beautiful. The actual story is engrossing and as you finish the last page, you are left sitting and staring at the book and trying to wrap your mind around the message. I really must insist that every one of you get to the library (or bookstore...go to one with hot chocolate) and get a copy. Now. Why are you still reading? Move. Go.

I'm waiting....


Still waiting...

You guys are stubborn.

It's a Really Strange World After All

Well, we did it.

I wasn't sure it could be done.

I had serious reservations, horrific nightmares, and a few panic attacks but we did it. Despite a few battle scars and some emotional healing that still needs to occur, I would dare say we have emerged triumphant. We drove 10 hours in a mini-van and took 3 small children (ages 5 and under) to Disneyland. We only lost one child (temporarily), picked up a raging case of herpes simplex fever blisters, misplaced a darling red leather Mary Jane shoe, and had one minor "wetting" incident on Splash Mountain but here we are! Home, sunburned, and blissfully filled with precious family memories. But I'm getting ahead of myself...

I will not attempt to unfold the whole saga in one blog...rather, I will break this in to a few "mini" stories to be savored one at a time. I will start with our wild adventure in Las Vegas.

We had been driving for 6 straight hours when we realized we were long overdue for a gasoline/potty/diaper changing break. Since we were on the outskirts of Vegas, we decided to push forward a little ways and find a place to stop in the city. We started telling the kids how great it was going to be when Abby and James and Caleb moved to Las Vegas and how we could drive down and visit them and stay at their house and play. I really had a motivational pep rally going when the van came to a stop and the door slid open. The boys all jumped out and I went around to get H. when my husband asked, "Did you remember to pack your bra?" I turned around and found my husband staring down at a lacy black bra that had been abandoned in the parking place next to us. It had seen a little action in that parking lot...been driven over a few times and had some choice things dropped on it but there it was in all its black splendor. My 5 year old and 4 year old boys came rushing around the car to see what all the commotion was about. The following conversation ensued:

5 yr old: Mom, what is that?
Mom: A bra.
5yr old: What is a bra?
Mom: It is girl underwear that we wear on our breasts.
5 yr. old: How did a girl lose her bra at the gas station?
Mom: I don't know J. That is a good question.
5 yr. old: Maybe the door accidentally opened and the bra just flew away.
Mom: Maybe.
4 yr. old: Gross.

We proceeded inside. I watched more trauma unfold in the next 15 minutes than I have witnessed in the last 5 years of my life. I watched the homeless, toothless old man try to sell the gas station attendant a set of colored pencils in a wood box for $20.00, watched the glazed over, somewhat drunk men sit at the slot machines pushing the buttons aimlessly while their credit cards maxed out, and the woman that left her 4 year old daughter screaming outside the door in the care of a small Mexican man while she went in to gamble. Our poor sheltered children just stood on the sticky gas station floor and took it all in. When we got back in the car there wasn't much comment. Maybe they were trying to find a place in their brains to assimilate all the fun they had just witnessed in Las Vegas. Maybe they were wondering why Abby and James and Caleb were going to live in a sticky gas station. Maybe they were still wondering how people in Vegas accidentally lose their underwear in parking lots.

I felt like we had all lost a little of our naive innocence. But hey...isn't that what family vacations are all about?

(Stay tuned for the saga of the Lost Child and "How I Got Herpes on My Family Vacation".)

Say "Cheese"

DSC01848
Originally uploaded by AmyLynn34.

J. on his first day of school. I don't think anyone would describe our kids as "camera shy". You whip out a camera and they pose!

My Baby...

DSC01847
Originally uploaded by AmyLynn34.

This is our darling boy the night before he started kindergarten. We asked him to lay out his clothes and in true J. fashion, he set them out with creative flair. (Did you notice the socks are tucked in by the shoes?) He goes to school every day from 8:15-11:15 and not a day goes by that I don't stand on the front porch in my pajamas with wild bed head hair and wave frantically good-bye with a prayer in my heart that the world will be good to my boy and bring him home safely to me.

Secret is Out of the Bag...

My husband posted a new blog. MY HUSBAND IS BLOGGING! :>) I love it.

Poor People Can Read Too...

I love "free" offers. So this last month I sent in my coupon to receive a free copy of a brand new magazine called "Cookie". It was advertised as being a magazine that offered "all the best for your family". What it failed to mention was that it is all the best for your family if you happen to be REALLY, REALLY rich. I knew I was in trouble when I opened the cover and found a succession of ads for Ralph Lauren, Burberry, DKNY and Guess clothing for CHILDREN! Then it elaborated on the items the models on the front cover were wearing...the darling mother kneeling down on the dirty ground at the park snuggling with her child is wearing a fur-trimmed silk faille jacket by Prada ($3,555), a red henley ($306), stovepipe pants ($310), earrings ($2310), leather flats ($625), and carrying a heritage velvet brocade bag by Prada ($2140).

I'd like to contrast that with the outfit I am wearing.

Today I am wearing a black knit Tshirt from TJ Maxx ($8.00), a black knee length skirt from Old Navy ($12), underwear, a bra ($12.00), flip flops ($5.00) and carrying a faux leather purse that was given to me free by my neighbor. I'm sure my fossil watch cost around $65.00 and my husband won't tell me how much my wedding ring cost.

Even though I was painfully out of my league, I just had to keep reading.

Fun recipes for the kids included Almond butter and finger bananas on fruit bread, prosciutto, fried egg and parmesan on country bread, and oven-baked chicken and slow roasted tomatoes on a baguette. If you are looking for a fun getaway for your family, they recommended a surfing camp in Brazil. But then came my favorite article about the stresses of carpooling kids to school.

And I quote, "It's important to be honest when problems arise--but try to withhold judgment. If, for example, your kid tells you that Kelly's mom gave him a Twinkie, and you have a strict no-trans-fat rule, you can let it go or bring it up without sounding like a snack snob..." Ladies and gentlemen, I'm not bright enough, or skinny enough, to make these things up. If someone gave my kid a Twinkie in carpool I'd be licking the crumbs off his shirt when he got home. I don't buy Twinkies because I'd eat the whole box.

I really could go on and on. C. and I sat for about an hour one night marvelling at the strange lives some people live. We alternated between horror, strange fascination, and flat out hysterical laughing. We debated at the end if we should get a subscription just for the sheer entertainment value but we were afraid they would do a salary check to see if we were classy enough. Well, until I can figure out what prosciutto is and whether or not Wal-Mart sells baguettes, I may just have to lay in my Hello Kitty pajamas (Target, $14.00) on my donated couch (thanks Mo and Papa!) and dream!

Skeletons in the Closet

*(Lest I seem a little overzealous in posting blogs this evening, I am merely getting around to taking them out of Microsoft Word and actually posting them. One of the hazards of having 3 computers that don't all do the same things...)

Ladies and gentlemen...I would like to take this opportunity to clean out my closet and get some things out in the open here. I'd like to have a frank, open talk about mental illness. Yes, sanity. Here in the good ole' state of "Everything is perfect" Utah, we seem to have a few hang-ups about what is what and what is NOT what regarding a host of things. Tonight I am choosing mental health. You may choose the topic tomorrow...

There is a difference between "bucking up" and getting on with life and suffering from a dehabilitating, crippling ailment that you can not simply solve by prayer and scripture reading. If a person was suffering from a terrible physical illness, you wouldn't simply pat them on the back and tell them they just needed to pray a little harder and attend a few more church meetings. You would get them to the doctor, get the necessary medications, and nurse them back to health. But why is it that so many times in our culture and society, we view mental illness as a "weakness" instead of a legitimate medical problem? I don't suffer from anxiety because I have committed any great sin or am failing to do something right. I don't pace the floors at night, lose my appetite and think I'm going to die because I'm not strong enough to just "snap out of it". I suffer from a general anxiety disorder that I am grateful does not have to control me. I am strong enough to admit that I need help. I am doing everything right in my life by seeing the people that I know have experience with this disorder, researching what treatments are available, and taking medication based on informed decisions that are right for me and my family. So...

Raise your hand if you are taking your meds every day and feeling better than you have in a long, long time?

Raise your hand if you are grateful for a person who was brave enough to recognize what you were going through and shared with you their struggles and experience so you would know you weren't alone in facing your monsters and you wouldn't feel this way forever?

So it is time to start looking at the people around you in a very different light. It is time to stop feeling like you have to hide your "secret" because someone might find out and think you aren't perfect! Until you have had the panic attack that sends you to the hospital or the depression that wipes out every bright thing in your life, don't judge. Be a lot more sympathetic, a lot more understanding, and a whole lot less critical.

So...does anyone else have a soapbox that needs standing on?

Life

As a child, I feared cancer. I didn't know anyone with cancer but I think I had read enough really sappy books to get all worked up about the possibilities. I started to write stories about people with cancer (Don't Stop Me Now, I'm On My Way) and I would lay awake in bed at night trying to figure out what I would do if I had cancer. When I got my period for the first time, I thought I was dying of cancer and dreaded having to tell my mom that her first born child had only days to live. Every time I got a headache or cough, I was convinced it was cancer. Growing up really hasn't tamed the fear a whole lot...but interesting things are happening all around me.

Both my paternal grandparents suffered from various forms of cancer. My darling aunt passed away just recently after suffering from cancer. My sister-in-law is adapting to a life where she will never, ever be cancer free and is hoping that on-going chemotherapy treatments will keep the cancer at bay long enough for her to see her children grow up. My dear friend is in the middle of fighting a painful battle for the third time with lupus. The chemotherapy is causing her hair to fall out and she throws up all day long. I was talking to her on the phone today and said, "Don't you wish you could just go in to a coma and have someone wake you up when you are healthy and it is all over?" and before I finished the sentence she replied, "No! No! Because I would miss so many of the beautiful, tender, wonderful moments that are happening to me each day. I would miss the people who have been so incredibly kind and the tender mercies of the Lord. I feel things more passionately and get so emotional at the small things I witness in my life."

Her perspective has caused me to wonder at myself and my life all day.

I played with her children for a couple of hours this afternoon and they are as wonderful and strong and beautiful as their mother is. Through all the trauma, each of them is being blessed in strange, amazing ways. Suddenly in the middle of the horror, I see some of the beauty that comes in the refiners fire. Our lives are blessed in ways that we can't begin to fathom. I'm not mature enough to say that I can accept all that happens to me with a positive, cheerful spirit but I can see how some of the trials I've had have truly blessed my life. My friend and sister-in-law are true heroes and I feel blessed to have their influence and beauty in my life. Because of what they are experiencing, I am learning to understand what is really important in life and what is not. I'm learning to savor more and complain less. I'm learning to sit quietly more often and hold my children longer.

I'm learning how to live better.

Mean Mom

My darling 3-year old got himself into a HEAP o'trouble a couple weeks back. I dragged him kicking and screaming onto his time out mat and then listened to him scream, "You're bad!" for the next 3 minutes at the top of his lungs. When time out was finally over and we went into the living room for a little "processing", he immediately threw himself into my arms and said, "Mom, I love you so much" and then he held my two cheeks in his hands and with a sugary sweet voice asked, "But why do you have to be so mean?"